If you’re wondering why you always end up in the short-term fling category as opposed to the long-term girlfriend one, check out these ways you might be possibly sabotaging your own chances of escaping your fate as a hookup girl.
- Saying yes to last-minute plans It can be tempting to say yes to a last-minute invitation for a date. You’re just chilling at home anyway, so what’s the harm? Well, what if I told you it could be the difference between being a fling and being in an actual relationship? It’s amazing how humans (especially male humans) organize their time. If you show him that he doesn’t need to set aside a specific window of time to see you, he won’t. Why should he respect your time when you don’t even respect it yourself? To make sure you stay high status in his eyes, ALWAYS say you’re busy if it’s a last-minute plan and then give another time when you’re free. He’ll realize he needs to manage his time a bit better if he wants any with you.
- Asking him to sleep over You’d think that having him stay over after your many late-night hookups is girlfriend behavior, but it goes against the whole concept of “people want what they can’t have.” If he’s the one who asks to stay over then by all means, let him. If you’re the one always asking about it, stop—especially if you know that this is just a fling that you want to turn into something serious.
- Being vague about your relationship history If he doesn’t see that you’re comfortable talking about your past relationships, how is he supposed to picture being with you? Don’t worry about making him feel insecure with your stories about past boyfriends and relationships—it’ll make him see you as someone who knows what she’s doing in love and he’ll definitely think twice about tricking you into being just a fling.
- Planning around his schedule Again, if it seems like the two of you are making plans to get together and it’s always at his convenience, at his house or near his neighborhood, then you might be dangerously close to being a fling for life. It’s showing that he isn’t taking you seriously and also that you’re not putting yourself in the right category. Put more importance on your own time and he will too.
- Wearing super revealing clothing No one should judge a woman on what she wears, but there are certain styles of clothing that will get guys thinking about you in a sexual way through no fault of your own. This might end up with you being put more readily into the fling category than you’d like, so to keep this from happening, choose your clothing wisely. Covering up a little more than usual will go a long way. While you should be able to wear whatever you want without repercussion, guys are simplistic creatures and many of them just don’t get this.
- Inviting him over after every date If you don’t want to be put in the fling category, it’s as simple as not initiating any hookups. I sometimes find myself wanting to impress a guy with how “chill” I am about hooking up and that I don’t really care like other girls do, but when I look back, that’s literally NEVER gotten me close to a real relationship. In fact, I don’t think it’s worked for anyone.
- Not taking him to hang with your friends If you don’t make an actual effort to bring him into your world, he’ll get the hint that you really aren’t that interested in something serious and so he’ll continue to keep it casual. If you’re in a place where he always invites you out with his friends and you’re being awkward about it, don’t expect him to seriously see you as something more than a fling. By introducing him to your friends, he’s able to see you in a more long-term, girlfriend-esque light.
- Spending a lot of time indoors If every time you get together, you find yourselves huddled in a ball on a couch or just “hanging out” at either of your apartments, this might be a fling that’s ending soon. It could be that you’re an introvert and you actually prefer to just stay home and have an intimate conversation by the glow of the TV, but you’re also putting yourself in hiding, giving him the message that you don’t want to be seen in public as his girlfriend. Get it? If you catch yourself doing this, change the scene to a public setting and put yourself out there. Literally.
- Not asking him enough questions You might be one of those shy people who gets insecure when people ask you questions about your life, so you don’t ask other people questions about their lives either, thinking they won’t appreciate it. If you’re one of these people, see if you can find the nerve to ask him questions about his past or what’s going on with him. This will give him the impression that this isn’t just a hookup or a fling, it’s something that could actually go somewhere.
- Only being available after-hours When I worked as a server at a late-night restaurant, I would meet my date super late at night and it would always turn into a hookup. If you’re only meeting up with him after-hours, then of course it’ll be assumed that it isn’t serious. Carve out some time for some daytime hangouts. It’ll make a difference in how he sees you.
- Not being friends on Facebook. If after the first few dates, neither of you have reached out on social media, this might be a short-lived fling. A way for you to take control here is to friend him and just see if he accepts. If he doesn’t, RUN.
