12 Ways You Love Differently When You’ve Been Disappointed By Too Many Guys

Believe it or not, your past relationships progress greatly shape the more important ones later in life. If you’ve been hurt too much and disappointed by guys too often, you’ll likely love a bit differently (and with a bit more caution) moving forward. It’s only natural to want to avoid more disappointment and to protect your heart, and it’s likely you’ll approach relationships in a whole new way because of it.

  1. Your Guard Is Up for way Longer. Having your guard up in a relationship is par for the course for some people, but when you’ve been disappointed over and over, your guard will likely be up for a longer period of time before you can totally relax. That doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to love, but it will be a love that’s much more reserved for a while until you’re totally sure you can count on your partner.
  2. Trust issues will occasionally rear their head. Even if you find a way to let your guard down and start to settle into this loving relationship, you might find yourself throwing it back up at random times and second-guessing everything your partner says and does. Unfortunately, you can thank all of the toxic jerks in your past for that.
  3. You Either Give It Your All Or Remain Aloof. Being disappointed by guys too often can make you hardened to the point where your approach to love is not letting your whole self give in. Or it can mean that you use each relationship as an opportunity to really give it your all and see what bites. Basically, it’s an all-or-nothing approach. You’re constantly working on finding balance, but that’s easier said than done.
  4. You Have To Constantly Remind Yourself That This Isn’t Your Ex. You’re constantly psychoanalyzing yourself and your approach to relationships. Doesn’t it sound fun? You have to regularly remind yourself that this partner won’t hurt you in the same ways as your exes, and although the love is very real, it’s one built on hopefulness and not necessarily confidence.
  5. You Take To Longer To Accept That They Truly Love You. This doesn’t mean that you haven’t found it in your heart to love them regardless, but you’ve been burned so much that you probably don’t always see yourself as loveable. Hint: you so are. Your partner realizes it, and so should you.
  6. It’s Been Six Months And You’re Still Trying To Convince Yourself That It’s Real. Has it really been half a year and they haven’t cheated, disrespected, or let you down? It might be hard to believe, but it can totally happen. You’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it’s never going to happen, as hard as that is to believe.
  7. Sometimes You Don’t Think You Deserve It. You might randomly put yourself in check while reminding yourself that given your history of disappointments, love is likely one of those things you don’t really deserve. In this case, you might throw yourself into the relationship, doing pretty much everything for them while not expecting much in return.
  8. You Use Your New Relationship To Do Everything Differently. New guy or girl, new you, right? That doesn’t necessarily have to be true, although you may find yourself thinking about everything you might have gotten wrong the last time and wanting to right those wrongs now. You’re sure that if you do everything completely the opposite way than you did in the past, this time it’ll work out… right?
  9. You’re A Bit More Cynical Now When It Comes To The L-Word. Even if you want to love and feel it happening, you may not be all about the actual word anymore. You can thank the ex for sullying your take on the l-word, but do yourself a solid and don’t let them win in the end.
  10. The First Sign Of Trouble Has You Packing. And at this point, you might be packing because you’re giving up, or even because you expect them to throw in the towel right away and you’re trying to save yourself another heartbreak. It doesn’t mean that there isn’t love there coming from you, but being scarred by past awful relationships can legit do damage to your psyche. Hang on — you’ve got this.
  11. Your Whole Heart Just Isn’t In It. In this case, you want to love them, you really do. In fact, you probably spend a few months pushing all of those doubts to the back of your mind since this partner is so much better than your last. But wanting it isn’t enough, and faking it literally never works in the long run. Eventually, you’ll have to fess up to yourself that your heart just isn’t in it 100 percent. You can work past it, but it takes time and a lot of patience.
  12. You Put Everything You Have Into Making It Work This Time. Does that make you naive? Some might say yes, but others would say that it just makes you optimistic despite being disappointed by too many guys before. Having gone through those experiences might even be what makes you able to give yourself to someone completely since you know how rare it is to find something real.