You’re an amazing friend who’s always there to support those you love. So, it sucks when a friend takes advantage of your kindness and tries to use you. The nerve! While the clearest solution is to dump them, it’s not always that simple. You might still want to salvage the friendship, as long as you can set some boundaries to keep yourself healthy and avoid being treated badly. So, if you’re being used, here are 13 ways to deal with it right now — enough with the crap!
1. Check That You’re Really Being Used.
Is your friend legit using you? This might sound like a weird question, but stop and think about it. Are you 100 percent sure that your friend is using you? If, for example, they’ve been fine around you but you’ve heard rumors that they’re a user, that’s not enough to go on. You need clear proof that they’re manipulating you or taking advantage of you. Examples include if they ask you for favors without considering your time and needs, or if they only know you when they’re in a bind.
2. Don’t Get Guilt-Tripped.
It’s easy to feel bad for your friend if they ask you for something and you can’t do it. But if this happens on the reg, you’ve got to realize that you shouldn’t be letting yourself feel guilty. You can’t give them everything. If they expect you to bend over backward, they’re not being a genuine friend. Bear in mind, if you’re always feeling guilty around your friend, this could be because they’re trying to guilt-trip you.
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4. Set Some Boundaries.
Maybe your friend drama-dumps on you as though you’re a 24-7 psychologist at her beck and call. Maybe she keeps asking you for money to pay her rent every month. Whatever the case, it’s important to set some boundaries for yourself because you can’t keep giving and giving. Start saying “no” so that you don’t give away all your resources. Time and energy are also essential resources that you can’t give too much of ’cause you’ll be left depleted.
5. Put Some Restrictions In Place.
Maybe you dislike how your friend becomes manipulative around guys, so you could avoid seeing her in situations where other dudes are around. Or, if she acts jealous about your career and this makes her try to use you to get a foot in the door at your company, you could avoid chatting about work-related topics. Set some restrictions so that you can enjoy some parts of your friendship and avoid the drama.
6. Ignore Their Requests.
If your friend texts you to ask you for a favor yet again, you don’t have to say yes every time. You don’t even have to reply! Sometimes, the best thing to do is avoid answering right away. Let them sort themselves out. This prevents you from feeling forced to say yes and it prevents them from being able to guilt-trip you.
7. Keep Your Emotions Out Of It.
When dealing with a user, it’s easy to feel enraged/anxious/sad. You don’t have to go through a ton of emotions whenever you deal with your friend. By following some tips we’ve outlined, like avoiding their messages when they’re spiraling, you can avoid an emotive response that sucks your energy. Also, be wary of venting too much about your friend to others. This can make you re-live the situation, which keeps you stuck in negativity.
8. Hint About Your Needs.
A friend who’s a user will always focus on their needs instead of caring about yours. You can try to change their behavior or make them realize how they’re behaving by telling them something like, “I can’t help you right now – I also have tons on my plate” or “I can’t give you money – I’m running short myself.” Hopefully, your friend will see that you’re not available to them 24-7 and they should respect you.
9. Spend Time With Other Friends.
Sometimes, the best way to deal with a user is to get some outside perspective on what your friend is doing. Spend time with other friends who don’t manipulate you. Confide in them about what your friend’s doing and see what they say. It helps to get objective opinions. Plus, hanging with drama-free people is bliss.
10. Trust Your Gut.
Some manipulative people can be sneaky. You might not have clear proof that they’re using you, but you just get a feeling that something’s not right. Listen to that feeling! Let it prevent you from doing stuff you don’t want to do. Your gut feeling won’t let you down, okay?
11. Tell Your Friend How You Feel.
If the friendship means a lot to you, it’s worth communicating with the person so they know where you’re at. Explain to them that you sometimes feel taken for granted in the friendship and it doesn’t sit well with you. See how they react. They should be open to discussing the situation. If they’re not, then you have to ask yourself if they’re a good friend. Probably not.
12. Stand Your Ground.
Once you’ve set boundaries in place, it’s not always easy to keep them there, but it’s essential you stand your ground. Respect yourself! So, if you’ve made a deal with yourself that you won’t let your friend talk about themselves for hours on end when you’re busy with other things, stick to it even if you feel guilty. Interrupt them and tell them that you’ve got to run. Don’t let them cross your boundaries.
13. Don’t Get Sucked Into The Drama.
Sometimes, if you say “no” to a user, they’ll find ways to manipulate you. They might throw on the waterworks or text you 20 times. It’s draining. Avoid getting sucked into the drama with them, like when they make you feel like you’re not a good friend. This could involve taking some time away from them or telling them you’re not going to deal with them when they’re so emotionally reactive. It’s hard, but you’ve got to save yourself.
14. Seriously Evaluate The Friendship.
Although you might wanna save the friendship, if you’ve tried to set boundaries and chatted to your friend about how their actions are making you feel but they still hurt you, there is no real friendship here. It’s not worth your time and energy to be supporting someone who takes advantage of you and makes you feel bad. Surrounding yourself with positive, healthy people who love you for who you are, not for what you can do for them, will show you that your time is better spent elsewhere.
