Every month, you have to deal with pretending you’re not on your period, even when you’re sure everyone already knows. It’s hard going about your daily life when the fear of leaks, cramps and mood swings are your constant companions. It sucks, but it’s also what makes women so tough. Here are just some of the struggles we face:
Nope, not cramping, just randomly doubling over.
Cramps hit at the worst time. One minute you’re having an intelligent conversation with your boss and the next, you’re doubled over in agony. Honestly, you’d rather just tell him you had Taco Bell.
Trying to feel sexy while bloating.
You’d think bloating would go away when the bleeding starts, but no, it likes to stick around. Your friends still want to go out anyway. You put on your sexiest dress and hope you don’t stain it somehow.
Going to the gym when you feel like crap.
There’s nothing wrong with crawling into bed and sleeping instead of working out. Yet, everyone’s going to know you’re on your period if you don’t go, so you guilt yourself into going to the gym just to prove nothing’s wrong with you.
Trying to find something form fitting and loose at the same time.
You’d love to wear something more fitted, but you just want to be comfortable too. There’s got to be a middle ground, right? You’ve scoured dozens of stores just to make the perfect period wardrobe that shows the world you never bleed.
Coming up with reasons to drink less.
Hangovers are hell. Hangovers with a period are even worse. Besides, you’re drunk in half the time. It’s hard coming up with excuses to drink less without just blurting out “Aunt Flo’s a bitch, OK?”
Hoping no one says anything stupid.
Your tolerance for stupidity is at an all time low. At least with PMS, you weren’t dealing with cramps and blood. Now, you’ve got those plus mood swings. You’ll happily stop people from talking just to prevent the fallout when they inevitably annoy you.
Why is there never enough food?
You need food to keep up your energy, but you don’t want everyone thinking you’re on your period or even worse, pregnant. You order a nice, healthy salad like everyone else when all you really want is that massive triple cheeseburger from the other table.
Keeping your inner Hulk from getting out.
You smile, laugh, and keep your inner Hulk firmly on the leash when your boyfriend or co-workers say or do something idiotic. They don’t know how lucky they are or how hard you’re working to keep yourself in check.
Avoiding dogs like the plague.
You’re doing great until your friend’s dog starts sniffing. You try to laugh it off, but everyone knows. Now, you avoid dogs at all costs until the week’s over and they furry little snitch won’t tattle on you.
Wearing white pants to prove you’re not bleeding to death.
You’d rather tempt fate by wearing white pants than wear something dark. Obviously, you wouldn’t dare wear white on your period, so it’s the perfect disguise. You just spend more time running to check yourself than hanging out with your friends.
Trying to stay still when nothing’s comfortable anymore.
Between cramps, the blood, and of course, a pad or tampon, nothing’s comfortable. You’d love to fidget until you find the right position, but that’ll just give you away. No, you sit perfectly still and smile like nothing’s wrong.
Being scarily nice so no one knows.
You really don’t want your dark side coming out, so you overcompensate by being extra nice. Some people are terrified, but you’re just happy your niceness is masking your real emotions.
Hiding pads and tampons.
Why the hell do the wrappers have to be so loud? You’ve hidden your weapon of choice deep in your purse, but the moment you go to unwrap it, you’re sure the wrapper echoes for miles.
Trying not to freak when you sneeze.
A sneeze at any other time isn’t a big deal. On your period, it could mean opening the flood gates. You play it cool and rush to the bathroom the first chance you get.
Coming up with random reasons not to have sex.
Period sex can be a good thing, but not if you’re trying to hide the fact that you’re bleeding. You’ve become a master at avoiding sex and even making it sound like it’s all his fault.
Your changing boob size.
You don’t mind the extra oomph in your bra, but it’s noticeable to some. You’ll argue for an hour about how your boobs are always this size and nothing’s changed at all. Honestly, you’re just wondering why everyone’s obsessed with your boobs.
You’re not crying, you’ve just got something in your eye.
You hate anything remotely resembling emotional. You keep eye drops on hand and use them religiously whenever you start to cry. Everyone just thinks it’s just really dusty.
You do more just to prove you’re fine.
One day, you’re the average woman. The next day, you’re Superwoman and lifting buses with a single hand. At least that’s what it feels like. You’ll go out of your way to do more just to prove you’re not in pain or feeling tired.
Faking the flu so you can stay home.
You’re tired of pretending you’re not on your period, so you go with the obvious solution — the monthly flu. You can go out next week, but for now, you have that rare flu that comes with cramps and bleeding.
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