14 Weird Signs That Someone Is A User

The signs that someone is a user may not always be glaringly obvious, but they often reveal themselves in unexpected ways. Is your friend genuinely interested in your well-being, or are they subtly taking advantage of you? Recognizing these signs can help you protect your time, energy, and emotional health.

1. They Always Seem To Have An Emergency

You know that one friend whose life is a continuous series of “emergencies”? Whether it’s needing a ride at 3 a.m. or borrowing cash because they “forgot their wallet,” the drama never ends. Psychology Today points out that constant emergencies can be a sign of manipulative behavior, as it encourages you to drop everything to come to their aid. These “emergencies” often aren’t as urgent as they seem, but they sure know how to tug at your heartstrings. If their crises are routinely followed by requests for favors, consider this a red flag.

It’s not just about helping a friend in need; it’s about the pattern of behavior that emerges over time. Are you the only one they reach out to when things go south? More importantly, do they ever return the favor when you’re in a bind? If the relationship feels more like a transaction than a friendship, it’s worth re-evaluating. Healthy relationships involve give and take, not just take, take, take.

2. They’re Never There When You Need Them

Have you noticed that when you’re the one in need, they suddenly disappear into thin air? Maybe they’re too busy or just can’t seem to find time for you when you’re the one asking for help. This inconsistency is a hallmark of someone who values what you can do for them more than they value you as a person. They may be listening when it’s convenient, but ghosting you the moment it’s your turn to lean on them. Friendship is a two-way street, and if they can’t handle a little reciprocity, they may not be worth your time.

The vanishing act is particularly telling when it becomes a recurring theme. When you’re putting in all the effort and receiving little in return, it’s time to reassess. Are they quick to offer excuses but slow to offer support? When the going gets tough, you deserve a friend who sticks around, not someone who’s only there for the good times. Actions speak louder than words, and their actions are saying a lot.

3. They Make Everything Always About Them

Ever start a conversation and realize it’s quickly detouring back to them? You’re trying to share your day, and suddenly you’re knee-deep in their latest drama. Narcissistic tendencies often manifest as self-centeredness, making it impossible for them to focus on anyone but themselves. According to an article in The Atlantic, people with these traits often dominate conversations, steering them back to their lives and problems. Conversations should be a give-and-take, not a monologue.

When every sentence starts with “I” and ends with “me,” you’re dealing with someone who lacks the ability to empathize. This behavior can be exhausting, leaving you feeling like a supporting character in your own life. It’s important to have friendships where you feel heard and valued. If your conversations consistently revolve around them, it might be time to set boundaries. You deserve to be part of the narrative, not just a prop in theirs.

4. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something

Does your phone light up with their name only when they need a favor or a shoulder to cry on? This could be a telltale sign of a user. When someone only shows up when they stand to gain something, it’s hardly a genuine connection. People who care about you will make an effort to reach out for more than just their personal gain. If they’re always MIA unless they need help with a move or a project, there’s a good chance their intentions aren’t as pure as you’d hope.

A real friendship is built on more than just requests for assistance. It’s about shared experiences, support, and mutual respect. If they don’t show any interest in your life or well-being when they don’t need something, it’s time to consider the nature of your relationship. You should feel valued for who you are, not just for what you can offer. A friendship that revolves around convenience is a friendship built on a shaky foundation.

5. They Make You Feel Guilty For Saying No

Ever notice how they respond when you politely decline their requests? Their disappointment can be so palpable, you almost feel compelled to apologize. As Dr. Susan Heitler points out in a Psychology Today article, manipulative people often use guilt as a tool to control others. They might play the victim or throw a pity party, making you feel like the villain for setting boundaries. If your “no” is met with guilt-tripping, it’s a classic manipulation tactic.

Healthy relationships include respecting each other’s limits and understanding when someone can’t fulfill a request. A true friend appreciates honesty and recognizes that you can’t always be available. If their reaction to your boundary-setting makes you second-guess your choices, take a step back. It’s essential to protect your own mental health, and a friend who respects you will understand that. Don’t allow guilt to become a weapon used against you.

6. They Never Remember The Important Stuff

Have you noticed they forget crucial details about your life yet expect you to remember everything about theirs? Birthdays, significant events, or even your favorite ice cream flavor seem to fall through the cracks. When someone constantly forgets what matters to you, it’s a clear sign that their attention is elsewhere. This forgetfulness can feel dismissive, as if your life and interests aren’t significant enough to occupy space in their world. A friend who values you will make an effort to remember the things that matter.

This lack of attention to detail is about more than just memory lapses. It suggests a lack of effort and consideration for the relationship. While everyone makes mistakes, consistent forgetfulness might indicate where you truly stand with them. Relationships should be rooted in mutual respect and genuine interest. If they can’t be bothered to remember your birthday but expect you to cater to their every whim, it’s time to reconsider their role in your life.

7. They Avoid Making Long-term Plans

Does your friend consistently sidestep plans that extend beyond the immediate future? They might give vague responses like, “We’ll see,” or “Let’s play it by ear.” According to a report by Harvard Business Review, people who avoid long-term commitments may struggle with maintaining genuine connections. This behavior can indicate that they’re not invested in the relationship beyond its current convenience. If they’re hesitant to make long-term plans, it might mean they’re only in it for the short term.

Commitment avoidance is often a red flag for deeper relational issues. It suggests they’re unwilling to invest in the kind of future that friendships require. On the other hand, a friend who values you will be eager to plan for the future, whether it’s a vacation or just a weekend brunch. You deserve companions who look forward to spending time with you, not just when it suits them. If they’re dodging future plans, they might not see you in theirs.

8. They’re Quick To Take Credit

Do you ever find them basking in the glory of your collaborative efforts? When projects go well, they’re often the first to step into the spotlight, claiming the lion’s share of the credit. This behavior can be incredibly frustrating, especially when you’ve put in equal or more effort. Everyone deserves recognition for their contributions, and it can be demoralizing to watch someone else take undue credit. If they repeatedly overlook your efforts, they’re prioritizing their interests over fairness.

A true friend will celebrate your shared successes, giving credit where it’s due. They understand the importance of acknowledging everyone’s role in a team effort. When someone continually claims your work as their own, it’s a clear signal of a problem. They might see relationships as competitive rather than collaborative. Friendship should be about lifting each other up, not stepping on one another to get ahead.

9. They’re Always Borrowing But Never Returning

Is there a mysterious black hole where your stuff seems to vanish, never to be seen again? Whether it’s books, clothes, or even money, they seem to borrow things with no intention of returning them. This can indicate a lack of respect for your possessions and boundaries. While borrowing between friends is natural, perpetual borrowing without returning is not. When they treat your belongings like their own personal inventory, it’s time to reassess.

It’s crucial to set clear expectations and boundaries around borrowing. While accidents happen, habitual offenders often show little concern for your losses. If reminders to return items are met with forgetfulness or excuses, take it as a sign. A respectful friend will make it a priority to return borrowed items promptly. If they can’t manage that, it’s worth questioning their regard for your relationship.

10. They Show Little Interest In Your Success

When something good happens in your life, do they brush it off or change the subject? Genuine friends will celebrate your victories, big or small, as if they’re their own. Indifference to your achievements may indicate they’re more focused on themselves. A friend who’s uninterested in your successes might not be as supportive as they appear. It’s important to have people around who genuinely celebrate your milestones.

The lack of interest in your achievements can suggest deeper insecurities or jealousy. This behavior may leave you feeling unsupported and undervalued. Everyone deserves a friend who cheers them on and appreciates their accomplishments. If they can’t muster enthusiasm for your good news, it’s a sign they may not have your best interests at heart. True friends revel in each other’s successes, not shy away from them.

11. They Frequently Make Backhanded Compliments

Have you ever received a compliment from them that left you scratching your head? Phrases like “You look good for a change” can sound more like insults than praise. Backhanded compliments often reveal underlying jealousy or insecurity. Instead of lifting you up, these comments can make you doubt yourself. A true friend will offer genuine compliments without hidden digs.

These veiled insults can chip away at your self-esteem over time. Authentic friendships are built on mutual respect and admiration, not subtle put-downs. It’s important to recognize when someone’s words are aimed at undermining rather than uplifting. You deserve friends who make you feel good about yourself, not those who keep you questioning your worth. If their compliments seem to come with strings attached, it’s a cue to reassess their role in your life.

12. They Get Jealous Of Your Other Friendships

Are they possessive of your time and resentful when you hang out with others? This jealousy can be a sign of insecurity, reflecting poorly on their ability to maintain healthy relationships. Everyone deserves a social circle that includes multiple friends, not just one. A possessive friend might try to monopolize your time, making you feel guilty for branching out. Friendships should enhance your life, not restrict it.

Seeing your friend sulk or act out when you spend time with others can be draining. A healthy relationship is one where all parties feel free to enjoy different friendships. If they’re constantly questioning where you’ve been or who you were with, it’s an issue. You deserve the freedom to nurture various relationships without fear of retribution. A true friend respects your need for a diverse social life.

13. They Love The Drama

Does it seem like there’s always chaos swirling around them? A penchant for drama can often be a sign that someone thrives on chaos, pulling everyone into their whirlwind. While everyone’s life gets a little chaotic sometimes, perpetual drama is a different beast. If they seem to create or attract trouble consistently, they might be using you as their emotional dumping ground. It’s one thing to support a friend, but it’s another to be sucked into a never-ending cycle of upheaval.

While some people might just have a lot going on, others revel in the chaos, often at your expense. This love for drama can be exhausting, leaving little room for your own needs or concerns. A friendship should be a refuge, not a constant source of stress. If their drama regularly overshadows your interactions, it might be time to step back. You deserve relationships that bring peace, not perpetual turmoil.

14. They Talk Behind Your Back

Have you caught wind of them sharing your secrets or belittling you when you’re not around? This behavior is a glaring sign of disrespect and is toxic to any friendship. Trust is fundamental, and someone who talks behind your back undermines this essential foundation. You need people who will defend you in your absence, not disparage you. If they’re quick to gossip about you, it’s a clear indication of where their loyalty lies.

The betrayal of trust can be deeply hurtful and damaging. Friendships are built on mutual trust and understanding, and breaches like this can be hard to repair. If they’re sharing your business with others, they’re prioritizing their need for social currency over your friendship. You deserve friends who cherish and protect your confidences. Don’t ignore the red flags; protect yourself from people who fail to respect your trust.