14 Signs The Guy You’re “Talking To” Isn’t Going To Take Things Further

“We’re in the talking stage.” What does that even mean? To some, it’s the stage just before you define the relationship. For others, it’s a waiting room between casual dating and an official relationship. It’s a time when you’re filled with questions, unsure of what’s going to happen and if the guy’s ever going to become your boyfriend. Here are some signs that “talking to” a guy won’t ever become anything more.

  1. You’re in a rut. You and the guy you’re dating always do the same things. You talk about the same boring topics. You always head to the same restaurant for dinner. You only see each other on Thursday nights. If you’re already in a rut, this is a sign the spark’s gone before you could hit relationship status.
  2. He says no to real dates. He’ll invite you over to hang out, sure, but he won’t take you to his dad’s birthday party or even meet up on a Saturday night. In fact, that night’s always off-limits with him. It’s like he’s avoiding real dates because he doesn’t want to take things to the relationship level. He’s keeping you at a distance.
  3. You can’t ask him. You want to ask him who that woman on his Facebook timeline is or why he hasn’t mentioned that he’s flying to Boston for work—you had to see it on Twitter—but you can’t. You know that you don’t know each other well enough to go there. If this has been going on for a while, it’s clear that he’ll never let you into his life completely.
  4. He moves in and out. You might talk every day for a week and then not hear from him for two weeks, and that’s totally the norm with him. Really? It’s not the kind of behavior you want to see from a guy who wants to date you.
  5. He lowers your expectations. He doesn’t need to tell you where he was on the weekend or why he didn’t call. He makes it clear that you’re getting to know each other so things are light and fun. He’s really hoping you’ll get the hint and not try to expect anything from him. Sounds like your casual dating setup is a little too convenient for this guy.
  6. You’re confused AF. Seriously, you don’t know what the hell to tell your best friend about this arrangement. You don’t even know if you and the guy are headed anywhere. If you can’t make peace with these feelings, they’re telling you to get out! And honestly, if you can’t ask him where you’re headed then you already know the answer.
  7. It looks like you’re dating. It really feels like you’re a couple and people who see you always assume you are. He even acts like your boyfriend sometimes, like when he holds your hand in public or gets jealous about some guy he saw talking to you. This makes you think that you’re headed to a relationship, but don’t hold your breath.
  8. You’re not a couple. You’re seeing each other. You’re hanging out. Call it whatever you wish, but he’s not your boyfriend. Period. He never talks about how he feels for you or makes future plans with you. If he’s not making you his in a hurry, he probably never will. A man who’s really into you won’t need a “talking” stage before you become official and exclusive.
  9. He should be sorted out by now. If you’ve been dating in this limbo manner for weeks and you’re still “talking,” the problem is that you’re doing too much talking and not enough dating! The “talking” phase is really about figuring out what you both want and if there’s a future for you as a couple. By now, he should know you enough to know what he wants from you.
  10. He lives like a single guy. He loves to party, spend time with his best friends, and do whatever he likes without letting you know. He doesn’t act like he wants commitment and he probably doesn’t. In fact, if he gets weird when you even suggest defining the relationship, he’s making it clear that you’re wasting your time.
  11. He’s camera-shy. Whenever you’re out with him and suggest taking a picture of the two of you, he gets weird or tells you he doesn’t like photos. Is he that afraid of people seeing the two of you together? What’s he hiding? It could be anything from fear of commitment to a girlfriend waiting for him at home.
  12. “Talking” is just that. During the “talking” phase, you should be getting to know each other deeply to see if you’re compatible. But where you’re at now feels like you’re talking about superficial things instead of becoming more emotionally intimate with each other. Talking to a guy shouldn’t be limiting.
  13. You’re sleeping together, not making love. You’re not sure if this is just a fling or if the sex is going to become more. Sadly, if it didn’t have emotions wrapped up in it already, it’s unlikely to grow them out of the blue.
  14. He hasn’t grown. When you’re with someone new, it’s natural to want to impress them and make a real effort to maintain their interest. This guy doesn’t get dressed for dates, doesn’t meet your folks when they’re in town, and doesn’t seem motivated to be a great boyfriend. If there’s no positive change in him since you started “talking,” then there’s unlikely to be in your relationship. In fact, it means there’s no relationship at all.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.