Some men (and women!) just like the security and convenience of having a steady significant other because they hate being alone. In the long run, if he’s just using you to pass the time, he’s not worth your energy. Even if you think you have a bright future, here are some signs he’s not in love with you and is just sticking around until something better comes along.
1. You’re never a priority.
This is one of the biggest signs he’s not in love with you, if not THE biggest. You spend plenty of time together, but he’s definitely not going to choose your friend’s engagement party over watching the game with the guys. If he already has other plans, he’s not going to change them for you, so you probably shouldn’t even bother asking.
2. All his friends are in relationships.
If none of his friends are still living the single life, he probably doesn’t want to be the one bachelor in the group. Luckily he has you to be his date to weddings, come to BBQs and go on couples camping trips with. He doesn’t have to be the third wheel when he hangs out with his friends, but he also doesn’t have to give up the possibility of being single again sometime down the line.
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4. He’s already dumped you once.
He broke things off and then came crawling back a month later because he realized dating kind of sucks and he just wanted a “passing the time” relationship. He already decided you weren’t The One, but he knew you’d give him a second chance. He figured regular sex and a guaranteed Saturday night date was better than being single.
5. He’ll rarely go out of his way for you.
Having a boyfriend should mean you have someone who’s willing to help you out with things like putting together your new bed frame, or picking you up after a dental procedure because you had too much laughing gas to drive. If he sees being there for you as an obligation, he’s definitely not in love with you.
6. Everything is on his schedule.
You’re always waiting for him to ask you to hang out or let you know when he’s free. He has an entire life going on and you’re not really a part of it so much as you’re an afterthought he’ll call if he has nothing better to do. If he loved you, he’d make time for you no matter what.
7. He makes no effort with your friends and family.
Since he has no intention of getting too serious with you, he probably doesn’t care about building relationships with your friends and family. In fact, he probably avoids spending time with them unless he really has to. He’ll do what he has to in order to keep you happy but never go above and beyond.
8. You make things really easy for him.
It’s not like you ever ask him for much so he’s perfectly content giving you the bare minimum. If you never let him know what the expectations of your relationship are moving forward, he’ll just continue to meet the low bar you’ve set for him and nothing more. If the minute you try to talk about the future, he runs for the hills, you know he just wanted to be with you as long as you never expected anything serious.
9. He avoids talking about the future.
If a guy is really in love with you, he’ll be willing to at least talk about where your relationship is going. If he changes the subject when you mention moving in together or acts like marriage is something so extreme that you’re nuts to even think about it, he has no intention of being serious with you.
10. He has never said he loves you.
You might think it’s more important that a guy shows he loves you than says it. While that may be true, it’s still kind of important to hear him say it at least once. If he’s never said it and you’ve been together a significant length of time, there must be a reason.
11. Your relationship isn’t moving forward.
You may be content with your routine for now, but eventually, you’re going to want your relationship to progress. That probably means moving in together and making plans for your future. If he’s not willing to do those things, it might be because he wants to keep you at arm’s length.
12. You know he’s still on dating apps.
Sure, he hasn’t used them in a while, he insists, and he didn’t even realize that he still had them on his phone (uh huh), but they’re still there. This is one of the biggest signs he’s not in love with you. If he was, he would have deleted them ages ago. He wants to keep his options open (or is already actively exploring them), he just doesn’t want to tell you.
13. He’s rarely interested in hanging out when sex isn’t on the table.
You’ve had a few dates and sometimes you’ll go out to grab some food, but it seems like the majority of his interest in you has to do with what goes on in the bedroom. When that’s not on the cards (or he’s miraculously not feeling horny), he could take you or leave you. If that’s not telling you where his head and heart are at, what will?
What to do when you realize the signs he’s not in love with you
The answer to this question truly depends on your feelings for him. Are you fine staying casual and just “hanging out” because you have nothing going on right now? If so, that’s fine. However, if you’re head over heels for him and he doesn’t feel the same, you’ll have to make a move.
1. Put some distance between you.
Chances are, this guy takes you for granted and just assumes that the way things are between you is the way they’ll always be (until he gets totally bored and decides to cut it off). He needs to realize that this isn’t the case. By putting some distance between you — physically, emotionally, mentally — you not only send the message that something isn’t working, but you also give yourself time and space to think about how to proceed.
2. Get a life.
Yes, I know you have a life, but get more of one. If you’ve always cleared your schedule the minute he wants to hang out and you’re always available when he calls or texts, that needs to change. Again, he needs to get the message here that you’re not going to settle for half-assed or his second choice. Fill your schedule with other things and don’t cancel or move them around when he decides to get in touch. He’ll soon realize that everything isn’t on his terms.
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4. Get with your girls.
Noticing the signs that he’s not in love with you can be depressing and demoralizing, which is why it’s so important to spend more time with your girls. They’ll remind you of how incredible you are and what a jerk he is for not recognizing it and treating you like the queen you are. It’s impossible to be too down on yourself when the people who know you best are there to lift you up.
5. Talk to him about it.
At a certain point, you’re going to have to be direct. It’s possible that he’s keeping you at a distance because he doesn’t think you’re all that serious about him either. You’re making yourself vulnerable by telling him that you want something more with him, of course, but you know what they say — nothing ventured, nothing gained. You need to tell him how you feel and what you want so that you can know for sure whether or not he’s on the same page. If not, you know what you have to do.
6. Walk away.
If he’s not in love with you and he never will be, you really only have one option: you have to walk away. You can’t waste your time and energy on someone who will never be able to reciprocate your feelings or give you the love, affection, and companionship that you really desire. Will it suck to be single again for a while? Sure it will. But that’s so much better than giving your heart to someone who doesn’t want it and won’t care for it properly.
