If you’re in what you hope will become a long-term relationship, you’ll want to get in good with your partner’s family since if they don’t like you, you’re pretty much on the outs. While you probably know how to mind your Ps & Qs to make a good impression, you might be less aware of things you definitely shouldn’t do to stay on their good side. We’re here to help, so here’s some stuff to avoid next time you’re around your potential future in-laws.
1. You dominate conversations without showing interest in other people.
If you tend to monopolize discussions and rarely ask questions about them, your partner’s parents might feel undervalued. It’s important to strike a balance between sharing about yourself and showing genuine interest in their lives too. Of course, you’ll need to strike a balance here between being curious and being nosy. It’s possible to go too far!
2. You ignore their household rules and customs.
Thinking that the established norms and traditions of your partner’s family home don’t apply to you can come off as disrespectful and is a major faux pas. You have to acknowledge and adapt to their way of living, even if it’s just for a visit, to show that you’re respectful and adaptable. Just because things don’t work a certain way in your house doesn’t mean you can’t do it another way at someone else’s.
3. You show a lack of ambition or direction.
Parents often want to see that their child’s partner has goals and is working towards them. You don’t have to have dreams of being the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, but you should have at least a small idea of where you’d like to be in five or 10 years. If you seem uninterested in planning for your future, it might raise concerns about your long-term compatibility with their child.
4. You’re not grateful for their hospitality.
Neglecting to say thank you for meals, gifts, or simply for welcoming you into their home can leave a really impression. Gratitude is a universal sign of good manners and reflects well on your upbringing and character. Thank them for having you and for offering you dinner, drinks, or whatever reason you’re there. It takes five seconds but can make a world of difference.
5. You engage in PDA excessively around them.
Gross — get a room! While it’s natural to want to be close to your partner, excessive public displays of affection in front of their parents will make everyone uncomfortable. Sure, it’s fine to hold their hand or even give them a quick peck, but no one wants to see you making out on their couch or looking like you’re about to rip each other’s clothes off.
6. You constantly check your phone during family gatherings.
Always being on your phone during family time makes you seem disinterested and rude. You should be present and engaged with the people around you. Otherwise, they’re going to assume that you’re clearly bored by them and that you’d rather be anywhere else than with them. Don’t expect an invite back anytime soon!
7. You bring up controversial topics without caring about their views.
This one is a doozy, especially because having different political or religious views, for instance, can cause major tension. However, starting heated debates on sensitive subjects can cause a lot of drama that will never end in your favor. It’s wise to gauge their openness to these kinds of discussions and proceed with caution. If you do find yourself in a deep convo, make sure you’re respectful and happy to change the subject if things get a bit heated.
8. You criticize their child in front of them.
Voicing complaints about your partner in front of their parents can be awkward and inappropriate. Talk about not knowing how to read the room! If you have issues with your partner, address them in private rather than airing your grievances in public. Even if you’re in the right, they’re definitely not going to take your side.
9. You make plans without including them or their traditions.
Planning events or holidays without considering their family traditions can come off as excluding them and expecting them to fit into your life without making any effort to accommodate them. Involving them in plans, especially during important occasions, shows that you value their presence and want to integrate into the family.
10. You show a lack of interest in family activities.
Opting out of family events or showing disinterest can be interpreted as a lack of effort to become part of the family. Participating, even in small ways, can strengthen your relationship with them. Sure, you might not want to sit around playing Uno for three hours after dinner, but if that’s what they do, you’d better hoard those Draw 4s and get to it.
11. You disrespect their home by leaving a mess.
Treating their home with care, including cleaning up after yourself, shows respect for their space and hosting effort. It’s a small but significant gesture that can positively impact the way they see you. If they’ve cooked, offer to help wash up. They probably won’t take you up on it, but it’s the thought that counts. Also, if you have drinks or snacks, take your dishes to the kitchen when you’re done rather than leaving a mess.
12. You don’t respect their privacy or personal boundaries.
Overstepping boundaries or prying into personal issues can make your partner’s parents uncomfortable. Respecting their privacy is crucial in building trust and a healthy relationship with them. Sure, they might let you in on more private matters down the line, but it’s bet to operate on a “not my business” basis for a while.
13. You compare them to your own family in a negative way.
Making negative comparisons between your family and theirs can create animosity and discomfort. Really, who does this? It’s important to appreciate and respect the uniqueness of each family without making direct comparisons. Your families might have things in common, but they’re not the same.
14. You show a lack of commitment to their child.
If you seem non-committal or indifferent about your relationship with your partner, it’s likely to spark some serious concern in their parents. Demonstrating your commitment and seriousness about the relationship can reassure them that you have good intentions. They don’t want their child to get hurt to have their time wasted!
15. You disregard their advice or opinions outright.
While you don’t have to agree with everything they say, dismissing their advice or opinions without consideration can come across as disrespectful. Listening and acknowledging their perspectives shows maturity and respect for their experience.
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