We all know those people with a seemingly thick skin, but how many of them are truly unbothered? Sometimes, hidden depths of sensitivity lie beneath the surface. If you find yourself deeply moved by subtle things others barely notice, it could be a sign you’re more sensitive than you let on. Here’s how you know for sure if this is you.
1. You use humor as a shield.
Rather than talk about real issues that you’re sensitive about, you’d prefer to deflect with humor. To you, being sensitive is a weakness that you need to hide. You’d rather people liked you for your humor than your vulnerability. As PsychCentral notes, making jokes is often a protective defense mechanism that will work against you in the end.
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2. You avoid talking about your insecurities.
While some people in your life like to share their problems, insecurities, or issues and can bond over it, you hate having to let your guard down. You prefer to protect your self-image because you can’t stand other people’s pity. If you often close up, you could have hidden sensitive traits.
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3. You’re often on edge when meeting a new person.
When you feel like you have to hide your insecurities, meeting new people can be hard. You work hard to maintain a strong, successful image, so to protect that, you keep your distance.
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4. Your first instinct is to control a social situation.
A tell-tale sign that you’re sensitive about or hiding a weakness is if you’re known for always interrupting and redirecting conversations. Some people will find your actions jarring when you try to control a conversation rather than relax into it. For example, if people at work are talking about their teenagers’ skin problems, if that’s something you’re insecure about, you will see this whole topic as a potential threat and try to move away from it.
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5. You often talk over people.
When you have a strong sense of internal shame, you will always be paranoid about a topic coming up that could expose you — even if there’s nothing to expose. If your self-preservation instincts make you seem rude and self-involved, it’s just a coping mechanism you practice because you’re more sensitive than you let on.
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6. You’re always paranoid.
Paranoia in sensitive people is a dangerous combination. Add to your fear of judgment with the exhausting minefield that is paranoia — and you’ll never know a moment of peace. It can be isolating.
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7. You’re often defensive when taking criticism at work.
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Defensiveness is a hallmark of a person who is more sensitive than they seem. Constructive criticism — particularly at work — is rarely personal. But, if your initial response is to reject criticism or explain yourself, you’re making yourself the weak link in the project and potentially compromising the quality of the project.
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8. You find it hard to trust new people.
New people are a blank slate to most people. However, if your initial response when meeting a new person is to feel jealous, insecure, or threatened, you could be more sensitive than you thought you were. You have fragile self-esteem and can easily see change as a threat, given your perception of being ‘vulnerable’ or ‘weak’ in a group. If you can get through that phase, sensitive people make great partners and friends.
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9. You hate disappointing authority figures.
You know that authority figures are what props up your ego because they offer factual evidence that you’re successful. Therefore, if you are fearful of negative feedback from an authority figure, or if you lash out when they have criticism, it shows that you have a hidden, sensitive layer that you need to explore more.
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10. You tease others about things you are sensitive about.
This is a classic trope of how you act when you feel extra sensitive — it’s using fire against fire to keep threats at bay. If you seem confident on the surface, you may reveal your hidden sensitivity if you’re always teasing people about things you are insecure about.
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11. You overthink every social encounter.
Often overthinkers are sensitive people, Psychology Today notes, because you don’t know how to manage your own insecurities, and it manifests into a lot of overthinking. This can be draining because you will analyze every social encounter and evaluate how you performed, or consider if you accidentally revealed a weakness or vulnerability.
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12. You need lots of space but also have FOMO.
This is a classic paradox that people who aren’t natural extroverts face. This comes from deeply rooted insecurity. A person with more inner confidence would know that you could say “No” to things and still be friends, but you don’t have that faith.
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13. You hate intimacy.
If romantic relationships are very hard for you to be vulnerable in, it could be a sign that you’re more sensitive than you think. If you struggle to meet your partner’s levels of intimacy and don’t trust them enough to share your vulnerabilities, then your fear of your own flaws being seen will hold you back. You could be more sensitive than you thought if dating is harder than usual.
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14. People think you’re childish.
Sometimes, the things that you do to protect yourself in social situations can come across as immaturity or brashness, such as interrupting people. If people have told you that you have similar habits, you could be more sensitive than you thought.
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15. Your moods are very up and down.
If you are very up and down each day or rely on external validation to set your mood, it could be a sign that your self-image is very volatile. You lack a fundamental, stable self-image, so you look to other people to define you, but when they see flaws or imperfections, you completely crash. It’s a sign that your unhealthy habits could be fuelled by a sensitive disposition.
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