Emotionally intelligent people possess a unique blend of self-awareness and empathy that others respect. If you’re wondering how they manage to set boundaries without feeling awkward, here are 15 phrases they’ll use when expressing what they need and what they won’t tolerate from others. It’s a good idea to follow their lead!
1. “I’m feeling uncomfortable.”
When setting a boundary with someone, an emotionally intelligent person will be open and clear about their feelings. For example, they’ll explain that they feel “uncomfortable” when asked to do a favor. Or, they’ll mention that they’re feeling “uncertain” about attending a gathering instead of saying “yes” to everyone’s requests. By allowing their emotions and gut instincts to guide them, emotionally intelligent people can set boundaries that prioritize their well-being.
2.”I’m available between 1 p.m. and 3 p.m.”
Someone who’s emotionally intelligent will try to accommodate what others need by offering alternatives. For example, they’ll say, “I’m sorry I can’t talk about this right now, but I’m available to chat between 1 pm and 3 pm.” This rejects the person’s request to chat in the moment without completely shutting them down. It shows that, while they’re clear about what they can’t do, they’re open to meeting the other person halfway so both people get their needs met.
3. “It’s been a long day and we need to rest. Can we continue this chat tomorrow?”
This statement works well because it uses “we” instead of “I,” which acknowledges both parties’ feelings. By stating “It’s been a long day and we need to rest,” the speaker acknowledges their own need for self-care while also helping the other person feel understood. This sets a boundary while encouraging empathy and mutual respect. And it’s way nicer than abruptly ending the chat!
4. “Thank you for your suggestion, but I prefer to follow my own plan.”
Although they’ll be open to others’ feedback and criticism without becoming defensive, they don’t shy away from setting boundaries because they know what’s important to them. For example, an emotionally intelligent person will thank someone for their suggestion or feedback but mention that they’re following their own plan or rules. This lets the person know they can’t force them to change.
5. “I need some quiet time after the party to recharge.”
Emotionally intelligent people are in tune with their feelings and set boundaries to prioritize their well-being. They’ll explain what they need to the other person so there’s no confusion or vagueness. For example, they’ll express that they need time to themselves after social stimulation to boost their energy reserves, which is why they can’t hang out. By providing clear details, they prevent others from feeling rejected.
6. “I’m unable to help with that project right now.”
This statement is a respectful way to decline someone’s request. It doesn’t include an apology or details about why the person is unable to help, which keeps it assertive. However, it’s also empathetic because it prevents resentment or misunderstanding that could crop up from a more dismissive response. By mentioning “right now,” the person leaves the door open for future collaboration, which is a great way of maintaining a positive relationship with others.
7. “Please don’t raise your voice. I can understand you better when we speak calmly.”
This statement works well during a fight because it’s clear without being passive-aggressive. The person is specifying the behavior they dislike, and explaining why it gets under their skin, which helps the other person better understand what they won’t tolerate from future interactions. Plus, the use of words such as “please” keeps the boundary-setting polite and courteous.
8. “I feel stressed right now and need to look after myself.”
“I feel” statements are useful when setting boundaries because they avoid causing pain or misunderstandings. By opening up about their situation and feelings, an emotionally intelligent person can get their message across without leaving the other person feeling dissed or confused. This statement works well because it displays a high level of self-awareness that others will appreciate.
9. “I feel unheard when I’m interrupted. Could we please make sure to let each other finish speaking?”
This is another example of setting a boundary with the use of “I feel” statements. But, instead of the speaker only expressing their emotions and leaving it at that, they include a question: “Could we please make sure to let each other finish speaking?” The use of “could we” in this question helps the boundary-setter keep things polite while enforcing their limits.
10. “Could we agree….”
If the person you’re trying to set a boundary with is resisting, it’s a good idea to focus on collaboration. For example, if co-workers disagree on the best marketing strategy for a project, the emotionally intelligent person might say something like, “Could we agree to disagree?” Or, they might say, “Could we agree that we want different things but we need to respect each other’s views?” Phrasing the boundary as a question is more constructive and de-escalates tensions.
11. “I understand what you mean/feel…”
One might fear they’re being perceived as selfish or unhelpful by others when setting boundaries. To deal with this and make the other person feel acknowledged, an emotionally intelligent person will say, “I understand what you mean/feel” before saying “no” to their request. For example, if someone asks them to help plan a party because they’re so stressed out, an emotionally intelligent person will say, “I understand that you feel frustrated, but unfortunately I’m unavailable.” This lets the person down gently while maintaining one’s assertiveness.
12. “I value our friendship/working relationship, but I need to ensure I maintain my boundaries.”
When setting a boundary in personal relationships, emotionally intelligent people know the importance of making people feel valued. So, they might give the person a compliment before setting a boundary with them. For example, they’ll say, “I value you so much as a friend, but I need some time alone.” Or, “I value how well we work together, but I need to focus on my goals.” This is a gentle way to get the message across without hurting anyone’s feelings.
13. “I don’t shake hands, but I’m so glad to meet you.”
Emotionally intelligent people don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so they’re careful about how they go about setting boundaries. For example, if they don’t want to let someone into their space, such as by shaking their hand or hugging them when meeting them, they’ll explain this directly (“I don’t shake hands/hug”) while throwing in a polite statement, such as “I’m so glad to meet you.” This helps them maintain their boundaries while remaining gracious and empathetic to others.
14. “I can see you need to get a hold of me, but the best thing is to drop me an email after hours.”
Some people just don’t respect others’ boundaries. When faced with this scenario, emotionally intelligent people will gently but firmly stick to their guns. So, if they tell someone they’re not answering calls after hours and the person still tries to call them, they’ll mention their boundary again. They might try to be empathetic to soften the blow and look at the situation from the other person’s perspective, such as by saying, “I can see you really need to get hold of me.”
15. “I’m unavailable, but I can recommend someone else for the task.”
Since emotionally intelligent individuals know how to put themselves in other people’s shoes, they’ll find ways to accommodate them even when setting firm boundaries. For example, if they tell someone they’re unable to help them because they need to prioritize their self-care, they’ll mention that they can recommend someone else for the project. This serves to meet the other person halfway and show them that they care.
