No one wants to wear the “selfish” label, but if you’re reading this, chances are you think there’s a possibility you are selfish. Or, you might be reading this and rolling your eyes, completely certain that you’re not selfish. But what would those closest to you have to say? Would you believe them if they said you could be selfish sometimes? Read on for 15 signs you probably are selfish and could treat people much better.
1. Your Favorite Subject Is Yourself.
When catching up with friends, do you dominate the conversation and always turn the spotlight back on yourself? This could happen without you realizing it, such as if you’re excited to share your stories. But, it can make you come across as self-absorbed and selfish. Try slowing down your thoughts and count to 10 after someone has spoken before you open your mouth so you don’t steamroll over everyone.
2. You Don’t Ask Questions.
Look over some of your most recent conversations. When your friend or partner asked you questions, such as about your day, did you return the question to find out about their lives? Or, did you ramble on about yourself and end the conversation abruptly because you had other things to do? If it’s the latter, your behavior is pretty selfish. Ditto for if you don’t ask deep questions on a date. It makes you come across as uncaring.
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4. You Give People Attention When You Need Something.
Are you the type of friend who makes regular contact with friends when you need something? Come on, be honest! During times when you need support, you’ll be a grateful and attentive friend. But then when sunny days return, you go back to worrying about your stuff and completely ignoring friends who might need help from you. Try to be more aware of others and check in with them instead of waiting for when you need something.
5. You Have A Better Story For Everything.
Your partner comes home and tells you about the road rage incident he nearly got into, but before he finishes his story, you’re telling him about an even more stressful situation you experienced on the road the other day. You might not want anyone else to have a more interesting/dramatic story because you like to hog the spotlight. Do this experiment: the next time a loved one tells you something that happened to them, let them have their moment. Your task is to listen to them and talk about them, not one-up them.
6. You’re Chronically Late.
You’re very busy and life is hectic, so you can’t help but sometimes run late, right? Although science says you’ll live longer if you’re late, try telling that to people forced to wait around for you. It’s not okay. When you’re always late, you’re basically telling people you don’t respect their time. Plan your days better so you’re not always racing against the clock, and if you’re too busy for something, rather be honest about it.
7. You Don’t Apologize.
When you get into a fight with someone, do you ever contact them to apologize? If you always wait for them to say sorry, you could be selfish. While you might say that you didn’t do anything wrong, this can’t always be the case. It takes a great person to be willing to acknowledge their mistakes and care about someone else enough to apologize for hurting them.
8. You Don’t Compromise In Relationships.
Relationships need compromise so that both parties have their needs met. If you’re always asking your partner to do the activities you want to do and go on the vacations you want, but you never let them take the lead, you’re basically telling them that you’re selfish and that your needs are much more important than theirs. Ouch. Over time, they’re going to resent you – if they don’t already.
9. You Complain About Others’ Behavior (That You’re Guilty Of).
When a friend upsets you with a nasty comment, which makes you realize she’s a frenemy, you might complain to another friend about how hurt you are. But wait. Are you sure you haven’t treated your friend in the same way? If you’re selfish, you might only care about your pain and suffering, instead of acknowledging how you can sometimes offend others. Time to take a look in the mirror…
10. You’re Controlling.
You like it when things go your way. Sometimes, your friends might feel that you’re OTT with how you want to control every little thing, which can make them feel like they have to walk around on eggshells around you because they can’t be themselves. You’re so wrapped up in what you want that you don’t really consider their views and opinions.
11. You Have A Nasty Temper.
What happens when things don’t go the way you wanted? You might get angry with people around you and perhaps even cause a scene. Because you’re so accustomed to getting your way, you expect it all the time. And, being completely concerned with what you want or need can make you blind to other people’s feelings. Yikes.
12. Your Problems Become Other People’s Problems.
You never know what people around you are going through, so before you tell them about your drama or you tell them you need an urgent favor, ask them if they have some time in their day. You’re not the only one who’s busy and leading a stressful life, but you might give off that vibe when you storm into a room and demand things. Try to be gentle with others – everyone wants to be seen.
13. Your Pleasure Comes First.
Are you selfish in the bedroom? When you and your partner have sex, do you always focus on what you need to feel pleasure? If you’re lucky to have a partner who cares about your pleasure, you shouldn’t take them for granted! Sex with someone you love is meant to be a bonding experience. The next time you and your partner have a romantic evening, speak to them about what they’d like in bed and try to focus just on them for a change.
14. You Don’t Listen To Criticisms.
When someone calls you out for hurtful behavior, you either leave the room or interrupt them, saying you don’t want to hear it. You might not want anyone to expose your flaws and instead focus on what they do wrong. Yikes, that’s no way to grow and learn from others. Although some criticisms can be toxic, if someone’s trying to give you constructive feedback, don’t shut it down.
15. You’re All About Winning.
During a fight with your partner, you might want to win because it strokes your ego. But what about how the conflict can dent your relationship? Instead of being so worried about coming out on top, realize that there are no winners. Focusing on compromise and a positive way forward is much more important and ensures a healthier relationship.
16. You Use Others To Achieve Your Goals.
When you’re trying to achieve your goals, you sometimes resort to lying or using others. For example, in the workplace, you might feel it’s no big deal to borrow someone else’s ideas for a project and pass them as your own. Or, you might throw on the waterworks to get a friend to drive you across town to meet a cute guy even though they’re busy. Doing this will make you enemies and sink your reputation – it’s just not worth it! Be respectful of others and they’ll be more likely to want to help you reach your destination.
