I Used To Be Jealous Of Conventionally Beautiful Women

It was hard not to compare myself to all the gorgeous women on TV, in magazines, and on social media as I dug my spoon into a pint of ice cream with my pajamas on, bare-faced and with untamed hair. This insecurity was overpowering to the point that I started seeing attractive women as enemies. After years of feeling sorry for myself, I decided to take control.

I stopped seeing other women as competition. I realized that I don’t have to meet a standard set of qualifications to be beautiful. I learned to stop obsessing over my looks and trying to achieve the media’s unrealistic image of female beauty. Instead, I started celebrating other women by appreciating their incredible taste in fashion or their luck in terms of genetics. Just because someone is beautiful doesn’t mean I’m not.

I started taking care of my health. My body is an instrument and I have to take good care of it. I started eating green leafy vegetables, fruits, and I lessened my sugar and dairy intake. By consuming healthy foods, my skin started to look better, my body felt stronger, and my mood began to change. I started enjoying life a lot more simply by virtue of putting nutritious food in my body.

I practiced self-approval. Whenever I notice that I’m feeling desperate for someone else’s approval, praise, likes and retweets, I take a step back and take a breather. I remind myself that other people’s opinions, thoughts, and feelings about my life don’t really matter. This doesn’t mean that I distance myself from people I love, but I have to constantly remind myself that I can love while still valuing myself first and shutting out external negativity. Accepting and loving myself is part of the process of getting over jealousy. Feeling beautiful starts with self-acceptance. I widened my definition of beauty and as a result, I became much more confident.

I surrounded myself with supportive people. I used to have friends who continually pointed out all my flaws. It took a while for me to realize that these “friends” were part of the reason I feel so bad about myself. Once I realized that they weren’t good for me, I said my goodbyes and didn’t look back. Today, I surround myself with family and friends who remind me of what’s good and unique about myself. These trusted few are able to lift me up without dragging other people down.

I gave more genuine compliments. I stopped obsessing over what other women have that I don’t. Instead, I started being happy for these women whenever they get compliments and started celebrating their successes. I became generous in giving compliments and in turn, I started feeling better about myself. I acknowledge that these gorgeous, confident women are on a different path from me but that both of our journeys are valuable and wonderful in their own ways.

I faked it ’til I made it. I started faking my self-confidence. Whenever I met pretty women, I didn’t let my insecurities show. Instead, I held myself high, smiled confidently, and spoke my mind even when I was shriveling inside thinking about all the physical attributes I didn’t have. Eventually, after a while of faking self-confidence, I started gaining it for real and it felt amazing.

I focused on positive thinking. It is so easy to complain about how I look to my family and friends. I used to do it constantly, obsessing over what I didn’t like about my face or my body. One day I realized that it’s unhealthy to keep destroying myself. I made a promise to myself that I would stop being overly critical and start thinking positively. Whenever I think of something I want to complain about, I replace it with what I actually love about myself. I keep a list in my head of all my strengths and positive attributes so I’ll never forget them.

I moved my body regularly. I used to be kinda lazy, but these days I make sure that I exercise at least twice a week. Doing physical activity gives me confidence that stays with me throughout the day. Whenever I’m able to achieve a fitness goal like lifting a weight heavier than before, I feel strong and capable. Plus, exercise releases happy hormones which helps improve my mood significantly.

I focused on myself for once. Instead of fixating on ideal beauty standards, I started focusing on myself. I acknowledged the fact that everyone has an opinion, but I chose to tune them out. I stopped pushing myself to conform into the mold that other people made and I stopped trying to please everyone. I realized that the person I need to worry about satisfying is myself and I’ve never been happier.

Rei Labadan Reichell Labadan is a writer by day, reader by night. Rei is also an advocate for women's health and empowerment. Follow her on twitter @reiwrites

I Used To Be Jealous Of Conventionally Beautiful Women—Here’s How I Got Over It