Know someone who’s always trying to one-up you or grab the spotlight during conversation? While you may think they’re arrogant or selfish, you’re probably dealing with a person who’s got insecurity issues. Check out these 15 signs that they’re overcompensating and feel inferior to others.
1. They use social media as a personal diary.
Someone who’s insecure might want as much attention as they can get—even if it’s negative—because it makes people interact with them. So, they might log onto social media and post tons of news updates about their life, whether good or bad, in the hope that their friends and followers will comment and make them feel like they matter. They don’t realize that oversharing can have the opposite effect and push others away by being cringe-y.
2. They laugh louder than everyone else.
When someone’s always the loudest and giggliest person in the room, it can be a sign of an attention seeker. Whether they’re the person cracking jokes or they’re simply just laughing the loudest so everyone can hear them, it’s all a ploy so they won’t be ignored (which is their biggest fear). They might even take it a step further, and laugh when it’s totally inappropriate just to get people looking in their direction.
3. They burst into tears at inappropriate moments.
An insecure person who wants everyone’s attention might resort to crying in public, sometimes when it doesn’t feel like the right time for them to do so. For example, if they’re at a happy celebration and feeling left out, they might try to steal the spotlight by talking about their issues. While this makes them feel more in control of the situation, it can come across as manipulative to people who feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable by their spontaneous waterworks.
4. They sulk when they’re not the center of attention.
Sometimes you can spot an attention-seeker by how they shut down when they’re not getting enough attention from others. They might sulk or look angry, but they’re likely only doing that so that others will ask them if they’re okay, thus putting the spotlight back on them. It’s so sneaky! Insecure people struggle to regulate their emotions because they’re so consumed with wanting to be seen as worthy and valuable.
5. They fish for compliments.
When engaging in conversation with an insecure person, you might find they’re self-deprecating. So, they might tell you they’re terrible at curling their hair so you’ll compliment their hairstyle. Or they might mention how bad they are at cracking jokes after they’ve said something witty so that you’ll tell them that they’re really funny. Fishing for compliments is a clear sign they need external validation to boost their fragile self-esteem.
6. They act helpless.
Someone who’s insecure and desperate for validation might pretend not to know how to do something. Why? Their helplessness gets them support and attention. For example, they might feign they can’t figure out how to change their car tire so that a friend drives out to help them. Or, they’ll pretend not to be strong enough to carry a coffee table so that you do the heavy lifting for them. They put on a “poor me” act so they get what they want and can feel seen by others.
7. They exaggerate their stories.
Have you ever been on a date with someone who was so dramatic, that every story they told you was either super-tragic or amazingly funny? They were probably feeling insecure or anxious and thought they had to go the extra mile so that you’d like them. When you look at their dramatic behavior through the lens of insecurity it makes it easier to understand. But the story embellishment might also make you feel like they’re being insincere.
8. They talk about their unique abilities.
People who struggle with low levels of confidence will try to impress everyone around them so that they feel special. So, they might talk about how they can speak six languages or fly a plane so they make a good impression. Whatever skill it is, they try their best to make it sound unique and different so others will ask follow-up questions, thus making it easier for the attention-seeker to talk more about themselves. It’s so annoying.
9. They take over conversations.
When someone interrupts you constantly, you might think they’re arrogant or self-absorbed. This could be the case, but underneath their behavior could be insecurity. They can’t handle anyone else having the spotlight because it makes them feel anxious, so, they’re quick to change the subject, talk about themselves, and try to get you to hang onto their every word.
10. They make shocking comments.
If you know someone who loves making controversial comments, you’ll know how awkward it can be. Even if they get a negative reaction, in their eyes, they’re still getting attention. In some cases, they might even try to push other people’s buttons so that an argument starts. To them, any type of attention, no matter how bad, is better than none!
11. They blow things out of proportion
When an attention-seeking person has a bad day, they’ll exaggerate their experiences. So for example, they may tell you they had the “worst day of their life,” making you worry that something terrible happened. Meanwhile, someone cut them in line things and they’re blowing it out of proportion so others cater to their needs and dish out sympathy.
12. They give you excessive praise.
Although someone who’s giving you tons of compliments and validation might seem like they’re focusing on you, the truth is they could be doing this to get your praise in return. They want you to like them because it makes them feel worthy and special. So, if someone’s giving you excessive praise, it’s a red flag that they’re insecure. In romantic situations, they might be resorting to dodgy love-bombing behavior because they’re so needy.
13. They copy others.
To gain other people’s approval, insecure people might mimic what other people think or do so that they feel like they fit in with the group. So, even if you know your friend doesn’t like going to the beach or eating seafood, you see them doing those things to impress others. They try to be something they’re not because they’re not happy with themselves and don’t want to be seen as less than.
14. They try to have the most fun.
It’s draining being around someone who always craves attention. They’re trying so darn hard to be the life of the party—they’ll get the most expensive booze for guests, dance on tables, and come up with wild ideas so that other people are charmed by them. What they might not realize is that other people can sniff out their desperation from a mile away, and it’s off-putting.
15. They go into overdrive when helping others.
Some insecure people try to go the extra mile to help others because when they feel useful, it boosts their self-worth. So, when spending time at someone’s home, they’ll clean the floors, take the dogs for a walk, and offer to babysit. Similarly, when attending a friend’s dinner party, they’ll clean up, help with cooking, or offer to drive people home. Although this can be helpful, it’s so over the top that it might make others feel a bit uncomfortable, especially if they can see through it.
