Trust is the hallmark of any healthy relationship. When you meet someone for the first time who might become your friend, your intuition usually tells you whether they’re trustworthy and authentic. Here are several signs that will help you figure out when someone isn’t genuine so you can avoid becoming friends with someone you can’t trust.
1. They’ll avoid eye contact.
An essential part of communication is eye contact. Each person maintains a different degree of eye contact with you when conversing, but if they’re not genuine, they’ll avoid meeting your eye as much as possible. When you ask them questions about themselves, for example, they might look up, to the right, to the left—anywhere but directly at you.
2. They hesitate before talking.
When someone is sure of themselves and confident in what they’re about to say, there won’t be any hesitation before they begin talking. However, if someone isn’t being genuine, they’ll pause. Perhaps you just asked them what they do for work, and they don’t want to be forthcoming with you. You might notice that they pause before answering because they’re trying to figure out what they can say instead of the truth.
3. They add too many details to their story.
Maybe you’ve been introduced to this person through a mutual friend, and you ask them how they know each other. They don’t want to tell you the truth, so instead, they make up a story. You know they’re not being genuine because they’re going into great detail about irrelevant points. For example, you’ve asked them what they do for work, and instead of simply telling you their occupation, they start to tell you the story of how they got the job, what the interview was like, and where they were when they got the phone call to say they were hired.
4. They are short with you.
When someone is honest with you, they’ll leave their statements open-ended, which allows them to add details if you ask further questions. However, if someone isn’t genuine with you, they’ll be short and to the point. This is because they don’t actually know the answer to your question and have to make one up. For example, you might ask them how long they plan on living here, and instead of giving you a specific timeframe including details like why they plan on living here for that long and where they plan on going after, they might just answer with, “Hmm, not sure.”
5. They use filler words.
Another sign that will reveal whether someone is genuine or not is using fluff words. These words fill the spaces between the lies, buying them time. You’ve noticed that your mutual friend’s acquaintance says “um” and “like” a lot. While you’re no stranger to these filler words, you only use them out of habit—you don’t put them in between every second word. In fact, it’s so distracting that it’s the only thing you hear when your acquaintance is talking.
6. They use the same phrase over again.
People who lie and deliberately mislead others have many tricks up their sleeves to buy themselves time when answering questions. One of these tricks is repeating the same statement or phrase over and over. You might have noticed that your acquaintance has used the phrases “you know what I mean” and “you get it” a lot in the last five minutes.
7. They will begin to fidget.
There’s a good chance that when you’re on edge and anxious, you fidget, tapping your heel on the ground, adjusting your clothes, drumming your fingers on your knee, or repeatedly tucking your hair behind your ear. If your acquaintance is doing any of these, then they might be lying to you.
8. They will talk about you behind your back.
Despite this first meeting, you’ve heard of your acquaintance through your mutual friend—only some of which were good. One thing you’ve heard is they tend to spread rumors about others. Talking about someone behind their back is a sign that someone isn’t genuine. Who’s to say that your acquaintance won’t do the same thing to you after this “friendly” conversation?
9. Their body language is stiff and closed.
Body language plays a huge role in communication, and it differs depending on whether that communication is honest. If it’s sincere, the person will be relaxed and open, but if it’s deceitful, the person will be closed and rigid. Perhaps you’ve noticed that your acquaintance is standing very straight with their arms glued to their sides, and they’ve hardly moved since you were first introduced—that’s a sign.
10. Their face doesn’t match what they’re saying.
Another sign of deceit is when someone’s facial expressions don’t match their words. If someone is being deceitful, the nervousness it causes will show itself in their face, even if their tone sounds calm and collected. Maybe your acquaintance grimaced slightly when you asked them the last question because they felt guilty about giving you a deceitful answer. It might be subtle, but it could be enough to give them away.
11. Their language is too general.
You’ve been talking to this person for a while now, and it feels like many of the answers they’re giving you are frustratingly vague. You’ve asked them where they’re from, how they like it here, and what they’ve planned for the rest of the weekend, and they’ve only given you ambiguous answers, like “somewhere on the West Coast,” “it could be better,” and “just some stuff at home.”
12. They play with their hair.
In addition to being fidgety, you notice that your acquaintance has been playing with their hair a lot. Again, you don’t know them very well, so you don’t know if they’re the type to play with their hair normally. However, your intuition tells you that it’s more than usual. Liars tend to play with their hair because they need to occupy their hands.
13. They begin to sweat.
Perspiration is a sure sign of someone who has been caught in a lie and is nervous about it. At this point in the conversation, your acquaintance is probably worried that you will call them out for not being genuine. Sure, it may be a nice, sunny day, but you still find it strange that they’re sweating as much as they are. Liars tend to sweat because when we are deceitful, our body has difficulty regulating our temperature.
14. They try to change the subject.
When a liar wants to get the heat off themselves, they’ll change the subject. Or, perhaps they haven’t told a lie yet, but they can’t think of one fast enough, so the next best thing to do is change topics. You’ve noticed that throughout your conversation, your acquaintance has suggested you change the subject at least two times, preferring to talk about the weather.
15. They cover their chest or throat.
When we lie, we feel vulnerable, and our body language shows this. Liars need to control the situation as much as possible, and one way to do this is to protect their most vulnerable points physically. If you think your acquaintance isn’t being honest with you, you might have noticed that they’ve brought their hand up to their chest and throat several times, splaying their fingers out to cover as much as possible.
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