Mediocre relationships are convenient and comfortable, keeping you stuck in a cozy rut. They don’t always feel bad, which is why it can be difficult to leap out of them. That being said, they lack sparks, fun, and a deep connection with your partner. They might even cause you to ditch your goals or happiness. If you relate to any of these signs, you’re settling for a mediocre relationship instead of an amazing one and need to make a change.
1. You think your relationship would be perfect if your partner changed.
Hoping your partner will fundamentally change is a risky gamble. Pinning your relationship happiness on their ability to shed deeply ingrained habits or overcome long-standing hang-ups is a recipe for disappointment. While growth is possible, basing your love on an idealized version of a person leads to frustration. You can’t “fix” someone, PsychCentral reminds us, and waiting for them to transform leaves your needs unfulfilled. Healthy relationships are built on accepting someone as they are, not on the potential of who they might become.
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2. Your partner says they love you more than you tell them.
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Whatever your love language, you don’t usually express how your partner makes you feel or how much you care about them. When your partner tells you that they love you, you might feel awkward or like you’re not completely connecting with their feeling. Perhaps they’re not making you feel love at full, earth-changing strength, even though there’s nothing wrong with them.
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3. You fantasize about having someone else.
While there’s nothing wrong with fantasies, if you regularly catch yourself daydreaming about what it would be like to be with someone else, this could be your brain’s way of telling you that you’re not as happy with this person as you could be.
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4. You’re avoiding your fun single friends.
You used to love spending quality time with your best friends, but lately you’ve found yourself avoiding the single ones like the plague. What gives? It could be that you’re secretly jealous of their freedom or romantic opportunities. You might also be feeling trapped in your relationship, as though you’ve settled and don’t want to be asked about it. You’d prefer to keep quiet about how things are really going.
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5. You hate sharing your relationship origin story.
That simple question – “How’d you two meet?” – makes you cringe. Even a whirlwind romance story feels flat when you share it. The truth is, it goes beyond the meet-cute. That awkwardness reflects a deeper unease within the relationship. Lacking enthusiasm about your partnership, the “how we met” tale loses its sparkle. It’s a subtle yet powerful indicator that it’s time to re-evaluate whether your relationship truly nourishes and fulfills you.
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6. You haven’t grown in your relationship.
Relationships should include growth for both partners. You should challenge each other to achieve your goals and reach new levels of happiness. It’s also healthy for you and your partner to evolve together over the years. If your relationship completely lacks this progress, you’re stuck in a rut. Nothing ever seems to change, and it’s a tad too quiet in here!
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7. You compromise way too much.
If you’re the one who’s always giving, giving, giving, and your partner’s just taking from you, the relationship’s unbalanced. You might even be compromising on things that you should never sacrifice, such as your values and needs, which is making you feel unhappy and unfulfilled.
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8. You’re envious of your best friend’s relationship or marriage.
When you hear that your best friend is getting married to their ideal partner and is completely smitten with them, you can’t help but feel drenched in envy. Sure, you’re happy for what they’ve achieved, but they’re a real-life example of what you’re missing in your relationship – and it hurts.
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9. You feel comfortable. Perhaps too comfortable.
While you want to feel like you can relax in your relationship, if you’re a little too comfortable, you could be slipping into a settling mindset. Maybe the intimacy is good but it always follows the same routine. Or, you and your partner scroll through your phones in bed without talking every night. You do the same thing daily, and it feels comfortable, but are you sure it’s not causing a lack of connection?
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10. You can’t help but stay for the good intimacy.
If your relationship is marked by earth-shattering fun in the bedroom, this could be what’s causing you to stick with it. The intimacy might even make you ignore what the relationship lacks, such as a strong emotional connection. Remember, a physical connection isn’t usually enough to sustain a long-term relationship.
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11. You’ve pushed aside your relationship deal breakers.
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Everyone has relationship deal breakers that prevent them from staying with a partner who violates their boundaries. Maybe your deal breakers are infidelity or lying, but if you’re letting your partner trash them without calling them out or taking a stand, you’re neglecting what you really need to feel safe and happy. And for what? There’s no reward in this.
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12. You and your partner feel more like friends than romantic partners.
Sometimes, it feels like your partner is more like your roommate instead of the love of your life. You tease each other, laugh a lot together, and help each other with splitting the bills. But there’s no fire there. Although the spark is meant to fade a little in long-term relationships, it shouldn’t completely get blown out, causing you to feel like your connection is platonic.
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13. You crave nights away from your partner.
When the weekend rolls around, you tend to want to stretch out of the confines of your relationship and do things without your partner. Maybe that involves spending time with friends or going on solo adventures. You feel invigorated and energized when you’re not with your partner, which is a huge red flag that you’re settling for someone who doesn’t give you what you need.
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14. Your date nights are déjà vu.
Although you and your partner still have romantic date nights, they seem to follow the same script every week. Maybe you go for dinner or watch Netflix movies before passing out on the couch. Just because you still have dates, it doesn’t mean that they’re doing anything for you and your partner to grow and reconnect. They might be downright boring.
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15. You’re so tied to your relationship, it would be hard to let it go.
Even though friends tell you that you’re settling, you might feel like it’s just too difficult to break ties with your partner. Maybe you and your partner have meshed your lives so much that it’s scary to move on, like if you have kids, pets, or an apartment together. But, what’s the alternative? Staying in a relationship that makes you feel unhappy? You deserve more than that!
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