Your relationship with your parents can be tricky or toxic. Sometimes, it’s downright complicated and you might fear that other people won’t understand it. It’s sure to make introducing your new partner or even new friends to your parents an anxiety-inducing situation. Here are 11 signs you have a complicated relationship with your parents even though you love them.
1. You Can’t Be Yourself.
One of the most common signs that you have a complicated relationship with your parents is if you don’t feel completely like yourself when you’re around them. You might feel a bit self-conscious or awkward, especially if your parents never encouraged healthy self-expression when you were growing up. Or, maybe you feel like you’re not good enough ’cause they’re so critical.
2. You Want To See Them, But Also Don’t.
When you visit your parents, you might feel good to see them ’cause you love them, but there’s also the niggling feeling that you don’t want to be there. This can make you feel guilty, but there’s a good reason for it. Remember, you’re not unreasonable for having that feeling, so it’s worth exploring it a bit to find out what issues are lingering beneath it.
3. You Bite Your Tongue A Lot.
When you spend time with your parents, you find that you bite your tongue a lot because you don’t want to get into arguments with them. For example, if they regularly say things that are offensive or insulting. To keep the peace, you might feel like you have to hide your feelings all the time, which isn’t healthy.
4. You Don’t Feel That Supported.
Although you know your parents want the best for you, sometimes you feel like they don’t give you the support you need. So, if you achieve a promotion or start a successful business, you might share the news with your parents but they always make you feel like you’re not as good as you could be or they pretend to be unaffected by the good news.
5. You Sometimes Feel Controlled.
If you have a complicated relationship with your parents, you might sometimes feel like they’re trying to control you. Maybe they’re stuck in their ways and want to control everything, or they can’t handle you being your own person, with your own thoughts and feelings. This can cause you to feel misunderstood and stuffed into a box you want to fly out of like a bird.
6. Your Relationship’s Filled With Too Much Info.
The relationship with your parents can be complicated if there are no healthy boundaries. For example, if your parents are all about being over the top, like if they share too much about their own relationship with you or they expect to know everything about your private life. Yikes! Some healthy boundaries are required, right now.
7. Or, You Don’t Connect On Deeper Issues.
Maybe you don’t have TMI in your relationship, but you just don’t talk about deeper issues. You might talk about the weather or other light, general topics, and feel like you don’t really know each other as well as you should. If you try to talk about something serious, they might shut you down or you might feel like you have to suffer through awkward silences.
8. You Feel Like A Kid Around Your Parents.
When spending time with your parents, you might feel like you turn into a kid again. And not in a good way! Maybe they don’t make you feel like you’re an adult during your interactions, like if they talk down to you. It’s common (but annoying) for some parents to get stuck in those previous family roles and it can take time to break out of those routines.
9. Your Relationship Is Filled With Secrets.
Some families keep lots of secrets and this can make things feel awkward. In some cases, it can become toxic because your relationship is filled with lies. The issue could be that your family is afraid of dealing with the truth and would rather push it under the carpet, but it makes interactions weird and it can also make time spent with your family draining.
10. You Don’t Express Love To Each Other.
When you greet your parents or say goodbye at the end of an outing together, do you hug each other and say you love each other? This might not happen in your relationship. Maybe you never express love for each other, which can make things complicated if you’re the type of person who wants to express your love. Hopefully, the only issue at play is that you have very different love languages. It’s worth exploring them.
11. You Feel Like They’re Needy.
Does it feel like your parents always need you to be around? It can be suffocating. Maybe they call you 10 times a day and get angry if you’re not available. Maybe they need to see you all the time or they come up with weird reasons why you have to race across town to see them. It might make you feel guilty for choosing your own life and could turn toxic.
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