1. How I Broke the Cycle of Surviving and Finally Started Thriving
Part of the “As Told to Star Candy” series. Have a story to share? Contact [email protected]
Meet Rebecca, 43—here, she shares how she spent a life stuck in survival mode.
“I’m 43 and learning to live for the first time. That sounds dramatic, but it’s major when you’ve spent decades in fight-or-flight mode. I had a difficult childhood. My parents fought constantly; my mom worked double shifts as a nurse, and my dad bounced between jobs. I learned you couldn’t count on emotional and financial stability.
I became hyper-responsible, overachieved, and kept my emotions locked. That mindset followed me into adulthood and my marriage. I over-gave, overworked, and engaged in toxic coping mechanisms until I hit burnout—and a severe panic attack (I thought I was dying). Through therapy and mindfulness, I’m learning ‘I matter,’ how to set boundaries, and that I don’t need to be on crisis alert.”—Rebecca Simmons, North Carolina.
Continue reading to learn about life in survival mode and how to heal>>
2. You Survive On Caffeine, Sugar, And Sheer Willpower
Your body is begging for proper fuel and real rest, but instead, you’re running on whatever quick fix will get you through the day. Coffee replaces sleep, sugar gives you short bursts of energy, and sheer willpower keeps you upright. But none of it actually helps in the long run. According to Tired Mum Fitness, relying on caffeine and sugar for energy can lead to a cycle of exhaustion and burnout, as these substances only provide temporary boosts.
The crashes hit harder, and you’re left feeling even more depleted. You tell yourself you’ll eat a real meal and sleep properly when things calm down, but they never do. This cycle of relying on temporary energy boosts is just another way your body is screaming for a break that never comes.
3. You Keep Saying ‘Things Will Calm Down Soon’—But They Never Do
You’ve been convincing yourself that this stress is temporary. You keep thinking that if you can just get through this one big task, this one hectic week, this one stressful phase—then everything will finally slow down. But it never does. As discussed by Calm, living in survival mode often involves a perpetual sense of urgency, with stressors constantly replacing one another.
Every time you cross one thing off your list, another five take its place. Life doesn’t calm down, and before you know it, months or even years have passed with you constantly telling yourself that relief is just around the corner. But deep down, you know this cycle won’t end unless you actively change something.
4. You Overreact To The Smallest Inconvenience
Spilled coffee, a slow internet connection, or a minor scheduling mishap shouldn’t be a big deal. But when you’re already stretched too thin, even the smallest inconvenience feels like the final straw. Your reaction is bigger than the situation itself, but you can’t help it. According to Christine Rudolph Coaching, being in survival mode can cause overreaction to small problems due to heightened stress levels.
It’s not just frustration—it’s the exhaustion of constantly holding everything together. The weight of stress builds up so much that even the tiniest disruption feels unbearable. It’s not about the coffee—it’s about everything that led up to that moment.
5. You Have No Patience For Anyone
People aren’t necessarily doing anything wrong, but everything they do irritates you. Small talk feels unbearable, questions feel like demands, and even your closest friends and family feel like too much effort.
It’s not that you don’t care—it’s that you don’t have the bandwidth to deal with anything beyond basic survival. Your energy is stretched so thin that any additional interaction feels like an obligation rather than a connection.
6. You Keep Forgetting Basic Things—Like Why You Walked Into A Room
Your brain feels like it’s buffering 24/7. You go into a room and immediately forget why you’re there. You put your phone down and spend five minutes looking for it. Simple tasks that used to be automatic now feel impossible to focus on.
It’s not a sign of getting older—it’s a sign of mental overload. Your brain is so preoccupied with stress that it’s struggling to hold onto basic information. Instead of operating smoothly, your thoughts feel scattered and unreliable.
7. Rest Feels Impossible, Even When You Have Free Time
You finally get a break, but instead of relaxing, your mind keeps racing. You sit down to watch TV, but you’re distracted. You try to sleep, but your brain won’t shut off. Even in moments of rest, you feel restless.
It’s because survival mode tricks your body into staying in a state of hyper-alertness. Even when there’s no immediate crisis, your nervous system doesn’t trust that it’s safe to relax. So you stay on edge, even when you desperately need to unwind.
8. You’re Either Completely Zoned Out Or Hyper-Focused On One Useless Thing
Sometimes, your brain completely checks out, and you catch yourself scrolling mindlessly for hours. Other times, you latch onto one random task—organizing your pantry at 2 AM, deep-diving into a Wikipedia rabbit hole—while ignoring the actual important stuff.
It’s your brain’s way of coping. Either it shuts down entirely or fixates on something small just to feel some control. But either way, it’s not helping you get back to a place of balance.
9. You Keep Saying, ‘I’ll Feel Better After [Insert Task],’ But You Never Do
You tell yourself you’ll feel better once you clean the house, get through the workweek, or finally take a day off. But when that moment comes, the relief is fleeting. Instead of feeling lighter, you just move onto the next thing on your list.
Survival mode doesn’t let you rest—it just makes you chase the next milestone, hoping it’ll be the thing that finally makes life feel easier. But it never does, because the real problem isn’t what’s on your to-do list—it’s the fact that you never get to truly breathe.
10. You Feel Guilty For Doing Anything That’s Not Productive
Resting feels like a luxury you can’t afford. If you’re not actively working, cleaning, or handling responsibilities, you feel like you’re falling behind. Even when you do take a break, the guilt creeps in, making it impossible to enjoy.
You’ve internalized the idea that productivity equals worth, and now, slowing down feels like failure. But the truth is, burnout isn’t a badge of honor—it’s a warning sign that something needs to change.
11. Your Body Feels Like It’s Falling Apart For No Reason
Random aches, constant headaches, an upset stomach—your body is screaming for help, but you keep pushing through. Stress doesn’t just affect your mind; it takes a toll on your physical health, too.
Your immune system weakens, your digestion suffers, and your muscles stay tense. You might tell yourself you’re fine, but your body knows the truth: you’re running on empty, and it’s catching up with you.
12. You’re One Minor Inconvenience Away From Crying In Public
Something as small as dropping your keys or getting a mildly frustrating email can send you over the edge. It’s not about the inconvenience itself—it’s the fact that you’ve been holding everything in for too long.
Survival mode forces you to suppress emotions just to get through the day. But when that dam finally cracks, even the smallest thing can make everything come pouring out.
13. You Feel Emotionally Numb Until Something Sets You Off Like A Bomb
Most of the time, you feel nothing—just numbness and exhaustion. But when something finally gets through, it’s like an emotional explosion. Anger, sadness, frustration—it all hits at once.
This emotional whiplash happens because you’ve been pushing everything down. But feelings don’t just disappear—they build up until they can’t be ignored anymore.
14. You Keep Saying ‘I Just Have To Get Through This Week’—Every Week
You keep waiting for things to calm down, but they never do. Every week, you tell yourself that next week will be different. But it never is, because survival mode doesn’t go away on its own.
Eventually, something has to give—either you slow down, or your mind and body force you to. The only way out is to stop waiting for things to get better and start making changes before burnout takes over completely.
