If your partner is borderline obsessed with appearances, status, or superficial things, you could have fallen for someone more vain or shallow than you initially thought. Here are 15 telltale signs that your S.O. is more concerned with looks and surface-level matters than deeper connections.
1. They’re Obsessed With Their Appearance
Your partner spends excessive time in front of the mirror, constantly checking their reflection or taking selfies. Caring about your appearance is normal, but when it becomes obsessive, they are next-level vain. Your other half is either an egomaniac or deeply insecure and needs constant validation to look perfect and feel comfortable in their own skin. They could also steal your skincare.
2. They Need to Be the Center of Attention
Whether you’re at a party or just hanging out with friends, your partners always need to be the star of the show. They might dominate conversations, go out of their way to stand out, and get annoyed when someone else is in the spotlight. Craving constant validation and admiration can be exhausting and probably means your partner doesn’t know how to meet your needs.
3. They’re Judgy About Others Looks
They are judgy and superficial if they are quick to comment on or trash-talk people based on their appearance. If your partner constantly criticizes someone’s outfit, body shape, or attractiveness, it’s a sign that they value looks over smarts and substance. Anyone who judges others harshly may have unrealistic expectations and could project those onto you and kill your self-esteem.
4. They Prefer Possessions Over People
Your partner may obsess over the latest gadgets, designer clothes, and luxury items. They might name-drop brands and labels or envy what other people own, which is a sure sign they are shallow. This proves they are more focused on possessions than people.
5. They Aren’t Interested in Deep Conversations
When you try to have meaningful discussions, your partner may lose interest or steer the conversation back to lighter, more superficial topics. They will avoid discussing feelings, plans for the future, or anything requiring emotional depth. This is a major red flag that they are shallow or emotionally stunted.
6. They’re Obsessed with Social Media
They’re constantly on social media, posting enviable photos and selfies and keeping a score of their likes and comments. Their mood can even depend on how much attention their posts get. If your partner has an unhealthy obsession with social media, they are preoccupied with how they’re perceived rather than wanting to build an authentic connection with you (or themselves).
7. They Can’t Handle Playing Second Fiddle
They are super competitive and get upset if someone else gets more compliments or attention than they do. Whether at a fancy event or in a social setting, they need to be the best-looking person in the room. If your partner displays this level of competitiveness, it shows they are seriously insecure and a bit of a try-hard.
8. They Project a Carefully Curated Image
They are very concerned about impressing others and have cultivated an image around their appearance, status, and lifestyle. Their decisions revolve around how they’ll be perceived rather than what’s right for you and the relationship. If your partner is more worried about what others think than what you do, they live in the shallow end and probably don’t have time to meet your needs.
9. They Show No Interest in Your Achievements
It can be a sign of vanity if they don’t show genuine excitement or support for your accomplishments, especially if it takes attention away from them. They might downplay your successes or change the subject back to themselves. A supportive partner should celebrate your achievements, not feel threatened or indifferent to them.
10. They Have a Superficial Friend Group
If all their friends share the same shallow interests and focus mainly on appearances, status, and material things, it might reflect their values. They might not have deep, meaningful connections, but the company they keep can give you insight into their priorities and how they might value relationships.
11. They Lack Empathy
They have a hard time understanding or caring about other people’s feelings, especially if it doesn’t directly concern or involve them. They might brush off your emotions or others, showing little concern for anything beyond the surface. This lack of empathy can make it difficult to build a strong emotional connection and navigate a relationship’s ups and downs.
12. They Avoid Vulnerability
They avoid opening up about their insecurities, fears, or past experiences. Instead, they prefer to keep things on the surface and may put up a facade of perfection, avoiding anything that might make them appear less than ideal. Vulnerability is important for building trust and intimacy in a relationship, and if your partner can’t do it, it can prevent the relationship from growing deeper.
13. They’re Quick to Criticize You
If they comment negatively on your appearance or suggest changes in a way that makes you feel inadequate, this is a problem. This behavior can indicate a shallow focus on looks and a lack of acceptance for who you are. Constant criticism can kill your self-esteem, create an unhealthy dynamic, and make you feel you’re never good enough.
14. They Brag About Their Looks or Achievements
They love to boast about their looks, achievements, or material possessions in conversations, seeking validation and admiration. They might fish for compliments or talk about how others admire them, reflecting a need for constant approval. This behavior shows they are more concerned with being admired than forming a genuine, equal partnership.
15. They’re More Interested in How You Make Them Look
If they focus on how you look and how you two appear as a couple in public, they see you as someone who can boost their status. They care less about who you are as a person and more about how you fit into their desired image. A relationship based on appearances lacks the depth needed for a meaningful and lasting connection.
