Some people suffer from such low self-confidence that they always have to try to outshine you. Their positive stories and experiences always seem to be more interesting than yours, while their negative experiences are always more dramatic than yours. Yikes. No matter what you say, you always feel like they have to come out on top and get all the attention. Here are 15 common phrases a one-upper tends to use.
1. “That’s nothing, let me tell you about my experience.”
When you share an interesting experience, such as hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro or visiting Paris, the one-upper will always interject with what they’ve experienced instead. And, their experiences are always so much more dramatic. Maybe they didn’t hike up Mt. Kilimanjaro, but Mt. Everest. Or, they didn’t only vacation in Paris but they lived there. It’s so frustrating because you never feel like your stories get any attention or respect. You might also experience low confidence, assuming the person has had a more exciting life than you, which is what they’re hoping to make you feel.
2. “Oh, well done. I didn’t think you had it in you.”
If someone’s trying to outshine you, they might put you down to make themselves feel bigger than you. For example, when you achieve a promotion, they’ll say, “Oh, well done. I didn’t think you had it in you.” This is their way of sidestepping a genuine congratulatory message in favor of criticizing you so you don’t feel confident. Putting you down makes them feel less threatened by your achievements.
3. “I knew that would happen.”
If you express something bad that happened to you, like your boyfriend dumped you on your birthday or your friend backstabbed you, the person might try to make it seem like they saw it coming. They might say something like, “I knew that would happen—your boyfriend/friend was always so toxic.” This is the same as saying, “Told you so!” Instead of supporting you and being empathetic, they’re making it seem like you were stupid for not spotting the red flags. It’s like they know everything or they have a better read on people, boosting their ego and trashing your confidence.
4. “That’s a nice bag. Is it a knockoff?”
Someone who’s always trying to one-up you will struggle to give you genuine compliments because they’re secretly envious of you. If they like your handbag, they’ll ask you if it’s a knockoff to make it seem less appealing and question your taste. This displays condescension, as they’re trying to suggest that their possessions are of a higher quality or more authentic than yours.
5. “You have a master’s degree? Oh, I got my doctorate last year.”
One-upping is usually about creating an atmosphere of competition instead of a genuine connection. Trying to outshine you about your education is a way for someone to overshadow your achievements. Instead of acknowledging or valuing your hard work and success, they shift the focus onto their higher level of education, implying superiority. It’s a quick way to go from feeling proud of yourself to feeling like you’re not good enough.
6. “Wait, I have to interrupt you quickly.”
It’s common for one-uppers to dominate conversations by interrupting others. They do this to exert dominance as getting all the attention makes them feel better about themselves. So, while you’re talking about something that happened to you, they’ll cut you off and steer the conversation onto something else that’s about them. This enables them to choose topics they feel confident to talk about, preventing a situation in which they feel insecure because they’re not in control.
7. “You’re busy? I haven’t had a day off in a year.”
If you tell the person that you’re so busy in an attempt to open up to them or gain their sympathy for how stressed out you’ve been, you might feel hurt when they try to one-up you by saying, “You’re busy? I haven’t had a day off in a year.” They’re trying to make it seem like they’re busier/have more responsibilities than you, or that your concerns aren’t as valid as theirs. This diminishes what you’re experiencing or feeling, making you feel bad for having spoken to them in the first place.
8. “Don’t be so sensitive.”
Some people might cut you down when you share your emotions by calling you “so sensitive” or “dramatic.” This is their way of disregarding your feelings or reactions to situations. They’re one-upping you by implying that they are more emotionally resilient or have thicker skin than you, which is a sneaky way for them to put you down. It makes you feel like your feelings aren’t worthy of consideration or discussion, or that the other person doesn’t care enough to know what you’re going through.
9. “I think you meant to say ___ .”
If you’re explaining something to the person, they might stop and try to interpret your words differently. It’s a way for someone who feels inferior to you to undermine your ability and intelligence and imply that you’re not succeeding in communicating effectively. They’re not asking you to clarify, they’re telling you what you meant and that’s really belittling. They use this approach to make themselves seem smarter or more intellectual.
10. “Oh, listen to this song/podcast.”
If you’re trying to talk to the person and they keep distracting you with something else, like a cool song or podcast snippet they want you to hear, this can be their way of preventing you from talking about things you enjoy. They’re trying to one-up you by distracting you, bringing the things they think are worthier of attention to the forefront. It’s all about what they like and enjoy while invalidating your interests.
11. “I saw someone famous at the airport earlier.”
Name-dropping is commonly used by one-uppers because they want to seem like they rub shoulders with all the coolest, most famous people. This makes them feel good by association because they’re elevating their status. Using the prestige of another person they’re mentioning can help them enhance their own perceived importance. It’s also a way for them to get more attention during conversation, as people might ask them more questions about the famous people they’ve seen or met.
12. “I bought a new car, but now I’m in so much debt.”
This phrase is an example of humble bragging. It’s almost as if the person’s saying, “Yes, I have this nice thing, but look at the negative consequences it brought.” This is a subtle attempt to one-up others by highlighting their own struggles. They’re trying to gain attention or sympathy while boasting about the fact that they have a new car. Humble bragging enables people to present their achievements in a fake-modest way so that they make you feel jealous or inferior to them.
13. “I was going to buy the same shoes you’re wearing, but they’re not my type.”
This statement is a form of one-upping because it subtly implies that the speaker has a more refined taste than you. By saying that the shoes you’re wearing aren’t their type, the speaker is indirectly suggesting that they have a particular standard that the shoes don’t meet. Yikes. They’re positioning themselves as being superior or making better choices than you. If you were feeling good about your new shoes, this comment could zap your confidence, and make you doubt your choices.
14. “I wish I had time to focus on my goals like you do.”
This type of phrase is a way for the one-upper to pin your success onto your resources, such as spare time, instead of your talent or skills. They’re also comparing themselves to you, implying that they’re too busy or have too many responsibilities to take time to achieve their goals, whereas you have more free time at your disposal. This not only brushes off your achievements, but it can make you feel guilty or like you don’t deserve your success because it wasn’t achieved as a result of hard work.
15. “That’s not going to work.”
A one-upper can come across as negative, always telling you how to do things or finding fault with whatever you do. This might not look like one-upping straight away, but it could be a way for the person to try to gain the upper hand. See, by telling you how you’re doing things wrong, they can interject with a better way of doing things. This makes you feel incompetent or like they’re constantly dismissing your ideas or suggestions. They’re implying that their way of doing things is always superior to yours.
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