Gaslighters don’t have any shame in making you feel bad about yourself — in fact, that’s exactly what they want to happen. To do it, they tend to use certain phrases to make you doubt yourself so that they can exert control over you and shut you down. When you hear one of these things come out of their mouth, you can bet a gaslighter is trying you silence you — don’t let them!
1. “If you’d been listening…”
A gaslighter will typically make you out to be the bad person even though it’s clearly them that’s in the wrong. They’ll attack you by accusing you of not listening to them or misunderstanding what they’ve said. It’s a sneaky way to make you doubt what you heard when they previously lied to your face even though deep down, you know what you heard!
2. “What are you implying about me?”
A gaslighter will try to appear vulnerable at times to guilt-trip you into taking back what you said. So, if you asked your partner if they were at a club instead of at home as they claimed they were, they’ll try to make you feel bad for asking. They might make you think they’re upset because you don’t believe their BS, but it’s all an act!
3. “What’s your real issue?”
Gaslighters are toxic people who will try to turn the tables around on you so they can exit the argument blame-free. They’ll ask you what your issue is as a way to make it seem like you’re the problem in the relationship. It messes with your head, but it’s clearly a way of deflecting from their own behavior.
4. “You’re nuts!”
Gaslighters will call you names to belittle you and make you doubt yourself. Comments such as, “You’re nuts,” “You’re crazy,” or “You’re too sensitive” will usually come out of their mouths to make you feel guilty or embarrassed. You’re none of those things, by the way — don’t let them convince you otherwise.
5. “You need to learn how to communicate.”
A gaslighter can be cruel, but they’ll try to hide their mean spirit by making it seem like they’re just trying to help you out. They might say something like, “You need to learn how to communicate” in a loving tone to make it seem like you have to fix yourself for your own good. It’s truly gross behavior.
6. “Stop being so emotional.”
You’re not “too emotional” when you express frustration or sadness at what a gaslighter is doing to mess with your confidence — they’re just saying that so they can stop you from expressing what’s on your mind. It’s sick, but it’s their way of trying to have more control over you.
7. “I’ll have to repeat myself.”
Dealing with a gaslighter can sometimes make you feel like they see you as a bratty child. They love to speak down to you, like when saying that they’ll have to repeat themselves to make you understand them. If you challenge their account of an event because their stories aren’t matching, they’ll use this strategy to appear superior and shut you down.
8. “Can’t you take a joke?”
Gaslighters will try to pretend that their hurtful comments are a joke. You know they’re not because they make you feel bad about yourself and they zap your confidence. However, the gaslighter will try to get you to stop reacting negatively to what they say so they can continue saying it.
9. “Oh my gosh, really?”
You might confront your partner about something they did to upset you, but even if you’re kind to them, they’ll widen their eyes and say, “Oh my gosh, really?” By appearing shocked, they can make you doubt if your statements or feelings are valid. They’re kings and queens of using drama to throw you off and distort your reality.
10. “I only have this issue with you.”
It’s a clever tactic for the gaslighter to reel in other people against you. So, if you say you don’t like it when they call you a nasty nickname, they might say, “I’ve never had this issue with exes,” or, “I asked my friends and they said they wouldn’t be offended.” It’s like ganging up on you so you stay quiet.
11. “You don’t get me at all.”
Cue the gaslighter’s faux vulnerability again! They might say something like, “You don’t get me at all” or “Don’t you know who I really am?” to make you doubt yourself and feel bad for doubting them. In fact, you get them perfectly — it’s other people who sadly haven’t caught on to their bad behavior.
12. “I’m done with this.”
Gaslighters are known for shutting down your emotions and making them seem invalid. They’ll end conversations or arguments whenever they feel like it without considering your views or emotions. Sometimes, they’ll even threaten to leave the relationship so that you don’t push the conversation any further.
13. “You made me do it!”
A classic gaslighting tactic is to make the other person feel like they’re to blame. Gaslighters take zero responsibility for their actions, especially when things don’t go the way they planned, like if they get busted for doing something bad. Yup, everything is your fault, so you have to keep quiet and not challenge them — how toxic!
14. “I never said that!”
Gaslighters will lie to your face to undermine you. They’ll claim that they never said something even though you know they did (and even if you’ve got the receipts). They love to twist the truth and change their stories to keep you walking around on eggshells or feeling like you’re legit going crazy.
15. “This is why nobody likes you.”
When a gaslighter feels threatened, they’ll lash out by attacking you as a person. In the middle of a fight, they might tell you that no one likes you and they’ll pick reasons why, like, “When you don’t let things go/when you make me feel guilty/when you don’t listen, I realize why no one likes you.” It’s effective because it uses other people to get into your head.
16. “You’re the problem, not me.”
If you bring up a relationship issue with them, they’ll make it clear that you’re the problem and you have to fix things. Even if you’re totally innocent, they’ll find a way to make you guilty, such as by trying to make it seem like you drove them to hurt you. It’s all part of their plan to chip away at your self-worth.
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