15 Signs He Doesn’t Deserve You And Why You Should Leave

Of all the people you’ll date in your life, finding someone who truly deserves you is like looking for a needle in a haystack. There will be those who’ll measure up in many ways, but finding someone who really has your best interest at heart and is on par with you in all the ways that matter isn’t always easy. Because of this, sometimes we tend to hang on longer than we should with a guy when it’s just not right. Here are some signs that he doesn’t deserve you and you need to walk away.

  1. He makes you doubt yourself. A partner is supposed to support you, so your doubts are limited. Instead, you often wonder what the hell you’re doing with your life, which is never a good sign. You used to feel so confident and self-assured and now you’re constantly second-guessing every decision, big and small. It sucks.
  2. You don’t feel like equals. Whether it’s because he puts you down or you feel he doesn’t measure up to your expectations of him, if you don’t feel like you’re on the same page, that’s something to consider. A relationship should be a partnership between equals. If you feel like he’s condescending or acts like he’s superior, he’s not worth it.
  3. He’s critical of your dreams and goals. All dreams, no matter how silly or impossible, should be respected and nurtured. If someone doesn’t respect your dreams, then they don’t respect you either. He should be your biggest cheerleader and a constant reminder that you can do anything you put your mind to.
  4. He’s too focused on himself. It’s one thing to be self-absorbed, but it’s another thing when that self-absorption spills over into totally dominating the relationship. It’s not always about you, but it’s not always about him either. You deserve to be acknowledged and considered too.
  5. You’ve caught him in more than one lie. Lying is a big sign that you’re either dealing with a fraud or someone who’s just too weak to face you. It also says they don’t have a very high opinion of you. There’s no excuse for failing to tell you the truth, no matter how awkward the conversation is or how much he worries that you’ll be angry or upset.
  6. He puts other people before you. It’s one thing if you’re equal in importance to his family and close friends, but you shouldn’t be second. No one should ever feel that they’re not a top priority for their partner. While you don’t expect his world to revolve around you, it would be nice if you featured somewhere on his list of priorities. He doesn’t deserve you otherwise.
  7. You don’t know the last time you felt challenged by him. Couples need to challenge each other in positive ways. It’s not only healthy but keeps things alive and kicking. If he isn’t constantly pushing you to be the best version of yourself, you’re only going to end up feeling stuck.
  8. You feel like you’re giving more than he is. If there’s a big imbalance in how much they give and how you give, it simply means he’s not invested as much as you. You want someone who’s giving it his all and not being just half-assed about you or your relationship. Things should be 50/50 as much as possible. If your dynamic is more like 80/20 or worse, he doesn’t deserve you.
  9. You find yourself changing who you are for him. It’s normal to change a bit in a relationship, as a means to adapt, but you should never lose yourself completely. If your partner has forced you to change your values or opinions, run. Same goes for if you feel you have to hide major parts of your personality or life out of fear that he won’t accept them or will stop loving you because of them.
  10. He has a habit of breaking your trust. It’s not even just about lying, but the little stuff too. If you go out of town and you ask him to watch your cat, you need to be able to trust that he’ll do it. Broken trust can rarely be repaired, but it is the foundation of every healthy partnership.
  11. He doesn’t have your back. It’s okay to disagree, but if he doesn’t take your side when it’s so clear that your side is the one to take, that’s not cool. It doesn’t matter if it’s around his parents, friends, or colleagues — he should insist on putting on a united front and standing right by your side no matter what.
  12. He belittles you both in private and in front of strangers. Belittling means there is no respect for you at all. If he takes that disrespect and exhibits it in front of others, he’s just making a fool out of you and he doesn’t deserve you. Why on earth would he want to be with someone he thinks so little of? And why would you want to be with someone who thinks so little of you?
  13. He makes you feel inferior. People who make those they claim to love feel inferior are dealing with their own issues and hang-ups. You’re better than that. To quote Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Don’t give him that consent.
  14. You’ve developed insecurities that weren’t there before. When someone is constantly tearing you down, he will eventually break you down. It’s in that breaking point that insecurities arise and your self-worth plummets. That is not a sign of a healthy relationship, it’s a sign that he doesn’t deserve you.
  15. He’s cheated on you. I mean… come on. This should just be a given. If someone cheats, he sure as hell doesn’t even deserve to know you exist, let alone have you in his life. There’s no excuse for being unfaithful or going outside of the relationship. If he feels the need to do so, you need to walk away.

Why you shouldn’t stick around for a guy who clearly doesn’t deserve you

If the above reasons weren’t enough, here’s why you should seriously reconsider dating such an obvious dud.

  1. You’re losing valuable time and energy. You have a lot going on and while you’d like to find love, your life certainly isn’t empty without it. You have incredible friends and family, a killer career, plenty of hobbies, and so much potential. By sticking around with a guy who treats you like crap, you’re giving away your valuable time and energy to someone who doesn’t appreciate or deserve it. You don’t want to look back in years to come wishing you’d walked away sooner. Do it now.
  2. You’ll start to believe the things he tells you about yourself. The longer you stay with a guy who tears you down at every available opportunity, the more you’ll start to listen to and absorb all the things he says about you. If he makes you feel incapable, flawed, and unloved, you’ll begin to believe that all of those things are true. This complete destruction of self will take a very long time to recover when the relationship inevitably ends.
  3. You’re selling yourself short. You’re a vibrant woman with so much to offer the right guy. You’re smart, funny as hell, kind, ambitious, and you’re also pretty hot. You’re ready to be an amazing partner to someone, but by offering all of those incredible qualities to a guy who doesn’t deserve you, you end up selling yourself short. You won’t get back even a fraction of what you put in, and you’ll end up feeling dejected and resentful.
  4. You send the message that his behavior is acceptable. If a guy treats you poorly and you just stay there and put up with it, you’re basically letting him know that what he’s doing is totally fine and you’re not going to do anything about it. That’s not the case at all, but by letting him think it is, it makes it all the more likely that he’ll continue this same pattern in future relationships with other women.
  5. You deserve to be happy. This is really the bottom line. You have so much to offer, so much love to give, and allowing a guy who doesn’t deserve you to deprive you of that would be one of life’s biggest tragedies. Find the strength to demand better and walk away. There’s someone out there who will make you incredibly happy — you just have to be brave enough to go out and find him.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.