There’s stuff to complain about every day if you look for it. From slow walkers to people who have conversations on speakerphone to your annoying colleague who never pulls their weight, you could whine and moan about a million things in your life. The trouble is, it doesn’t get you anywhere but on everyone else’s nerves. It’s good to vent, but if you’re doing these things, you’re complaining a little too much and need to tone it down.
1. You find problems, not solutions.
It makes sense to complain about your problems, especially when it feels like they just keep piling up. However, if you’re more obsessed with finding all the stuff that’s going wrong than working on solutions to fix it all, you’re wasting your time and energy on the wrong stuff. Drop the helpless act and focus on what you can do to get your life back on track.
2. Your past is full of negative memories.
When you look back over the past, you often highlight the downsides and negative experiences you had. Sure, you’ve got happy memories, but you can’t seem to find them. This shows how much you’re overwhelmed by negative energy. You’re seeing things through a pessimistic lens, and it’s probably not a very realistic one either.
3. Your mood is at rock bottom.
You can’t complain all the time and not be in a terrible mood all the time. If you’re showing up to social events and get-togethers looking angry and frustrated, it’s killing the vibe. Stop right now and force yourself to find five positive things about your day. If you don’t, you’re just going to end up dragging everyone around you down with you.
4. You don’t see the bright side of the future.
When you think about your future, do you feel excited or do you focus on all the obstacles in your way that you’re sure will keep you from reaching your goals? Complaining about what a disadvantage you’re at all the time and how the cards are stacked against you isn’t helping. Figure out what it is you’re so afraid of deep down so you can confront it and actually move forward.
5. Your texts and messages are mainly negative.
Grab your phone and look through your messages. Are your interactions with others mostly filled with “venting” about people and things that are annoying you? That’s a red flag that you’re a chronic complainer. For every negative/venting text, send two positive ones. It’s good to share your feelings, but if your sharing is predominantly negative, something is seriously wrong.
6. Your friends give each other looks when you start speaking.
When you start talking about the horrible day you had or why you’re so stressed, you catch your friends giving each other looks when they think you’re not looking. That’s because they’re so used to you being negative that they’re readying themselves for your next whine session. Change things up by being positive for a change.
7. You always have a complaint to share.
You don’t know how to even make small talk without complaining — it’s too cold out, there’s too much traffic on the roads, the lighting in the bar is too dark, etc. When you don’t say something negative, you might feel uncomfortable and like you’re suppressing your feelings. This is a sign you’ve become too used to complaining about everything in your life. Every conversation doesn’t have to be shrouded in negativity, and if it is, you have to ask yourself why.
8. You spend most of your time online leaving bad reviews and complaints.
Are you the type of person who’s always complaining to businesses about all the things they’re doing wrong? Do you spend a lot of time posting negative reviews on social media? While this is good if you’re dealing with a legit case of bad service, making it a habit is just being mean. Try to balance out your reviews so you don’t let negativity give you a bad name.
9. Your friends don’t ask how you’re doing.
When you text your friends, do you find that they hardly ever ask you how you’re doing anymore? If you’re a chronic complainer, this could be why! It’s like they’re almost afraid to ask what’s going on in your life because of how quick you are to start offloading all your drama. Start talking about feel-good topics and see how this changes.
10. You feel powerless about your situation.
If you’re always looking for the negative parts of a situation in your life, you probably feel powerless. Stop that right now! You can get your control back by allowing yourself to brainstorm creative solutions to your problems and by surrounding yourself with positive people who always find the silver lining. You could use some of their positive energy, that’s for sure.
11. You’re highly self-critical.
You don’t just complain about things around you — you’re always complaining about yourself, too! You might criticize yourself all day long, bringing yourself down and totally killing any sense of self-confidence you once had. You ignore the fact that you’re in control of your life and how you live it — if you don’t like something, you can change it. Complaining is easier than doing something about it, however, so you let yourself get caught in a toxic cycle of inaction.
12. You say you’re “realistic.”
When people say that you’re being negative by complaining all the time, you might feel defensive. Maybe you try to explain that you’re just being “honest” or “realistic” about your situation, but the funny thing is that being cynical can cause you to be far removed from reality. You’re not being realistic at all! Try to find balance in your thoughts and recognize that the lens through which you view things isn’t necessarily showing you the truth.
13. You love playing the “what if?” game.
Something good happens, but you’re quick to find something to complain about because you don’t trust it. As a result, you’ll play the “what if?” game, asking things like, “What if I fail in my new job?” or “What if the new person I’m dating leaves me?” You have to find ways to retrain your brain to stop assuming the worst and focus on the best possible outcome, especially since that’s far more likely to happen!
14. You get irritable responses to your complaints.
When you’re stuck in a vicious complaining cycle, do your friends start to get impatient or irritable with you? While you might think they’re being mean, they could be exhausted by your negative venting! This is a sign that you have to reel it in and change your approach. Stick to writing your complaints in a journal instead of talking your friends’ ears off. Writing them will also help you gain a fresh perspective on them. You might just realize how unreasonable you’re being.
15. You feel angry at other people’s suggestions.
When someone offers you some good advice or suggestions for how to adjust certain behaviors or situations in your life, you freak out — and not in a good way. Your knee-jerk defensive reactions to people legitimately trying to help you prove just how negative you’ve become. It’s as if you think that solving your problems would remove your right to complain and you’re desperate to be able to do it.
16. Your favorite phrase is, “But it won’t work.”
Your friend suggests a cool side hustle idea. Your partner says you should consider becoming a stylist because you’re so talented when it comes to fashion. You shoot down everyone’s ideas with the words, “But it won’t work.” Of course, you haven’t even given the ideas a chance to show you how great they can be! Pause and reflect. Take time to sit with your feelings before rushing ahead with your latest complaint. If you start seeing the possibilities instead of the potential pitfalls, you’ll be a lot happier in life!
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