13 Things Every Unloved Daughter Needs To Hear As An Adult

13 Things Every Unloved Daughter Needs To Hear As An Adult

Growing up with parents who make you feel unloved and unworthy as their daughter can be soul-destroying. The effects can stay with you well into your adult years, which is why it’s so important to remind yourself of your inherent goodness and worth. If you grew up feeling abandoned and alone, here are some things you need to hear.

1. “You are worthy of love and respect.”

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Every unloved daughter needs to hear that she is inherently worthy of love and respect, regardless of her past experiences. It’s crucial to understand that your value isn’t determined by how you were treated in you childhood. This affirmation can help shift the belief that you have to earn love through actions or pleasing other people. Understanding and internalizing this can be a game-changer. It’s about realizing that worthiness is a birthright, not something contingent on other people’s approval or affection.

2. “It’s not your fault.”

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Many unloved daughters carry the burden of thinking they were somehow at fault for the lack of affection they experienced. It’s important for you to hear and accept that as a child, the way you were treated by your parent(s) was not your fault. No child deserves to feel unloved or unwanted. This realization can be a significant step in healing. It’s about releasing misplaced guilt and understanding that a child can never be responsible for a parent’s inability to provide love.

3. “Your feelings are valid.”

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Unloved daughters often grow up doubting their feelings or believing they shouldn’t express them. Hearing that your emotions are valid and that it’s okay to express them can be incredibly liberating. You have to remember that you have the right to feel and to express those feelings without fear or shame. Acknowledging and validating your emotions is a vital part of emotional healing. It empowers you to trust your feelings and use them as guides in your life.

4. “You deserve to be happy.”

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A simple but profound message every unloved daughter should hear is that they deserve happiness. Despite your past, you are worthy of joy, love, and all the good things life has to offer. This message is a reminder to seek out happiness actively and to believe that you’re deserving of a life filled with joy and fulfillment.

5. “It’s okay to ask for help.”

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Many unloved daughters believe they have to deal with their issues alone. Hearing that it’s okay to seek help and that doing so is a sign of strength, not weakness, can be very empowering. Whether it’s therapy, support groups, or confiding in trusted friends, seeking help is a brave step towards healing. Asking for help is a sign of self-care and strength. It’s about taking proactive steps to work through past hurts and learn new ways of being.

6. “You deserve healthy relationships.”

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Unloved daughters need to hear that they deserve healthy, loving relationships and that it’s okay to set boundaries with people who don’t treat them well. They often need encouragement to believe that they are deserving of respect and kindness in their relationships. Understanding that you deserve healthy relationships can lead to better choices in friends and partners. It’s about recognizing your value and refusing to settle for less than you deserve.

7. “Your past doesn’t define you.”

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It’s important for unloved daughters to hear that their past doesn’t determine who they are or who they can become. You are not defined by their lack of parental love but by your own strengths, choices, and character. Embracing this can be incredibly freeing. It allows you to define yourself on your own terms and not through the lens of your past experiences.

8. “You can trust your own judgments.”

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Unloved daughters often grow up doubting their decisions, feeling like they can’t trust themselves. You have to know that your judgments and instincts are valid. Building trust in your own decision-making is a crucial step towards independence and self-confidence. Knowing you can rely on your own judgments empowers you to make choices that are right for you, without constantly seeking external validation.

9. “It’s okay to prioritize your own needs.”

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Many unloved daughters are used to putting others’ needs before their own. However, it’s not only okay but necessary to prioritize your own needs and well-being. Self-care is not selfish; it’s essential. Understanding that taking care of yourself is important helps you to establish healthier habits and relationships where your needs are valued and met.

10. “Your voice matters.”

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Growing up feeling unloved can lead to a belief that their opinions and thoughts don’t matter. Your voice is important and deserves to be heard. Being encouraged to express yourself and share your thoughts can help build your confidence. Realizing that your voice matters can motivate you to speak up in situations where you previously might have stayed silent, knowing that your contributions are valuable.

11. “You’re not alone.”

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Feelings of isolation are common among unloved daughters. It’s important for you to understand that you’re not alone in your experiences. There are others who have gone through similar struggles and have not only survived but thrived. Knowing that you’re not alone can provide comfort and a sense of community. It can also encourage you to seek out and connect with others who understand and can offer support.

12. “You have strength you haven’t even tapped into yet.”

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Unloved daughters need to be reminded that they have immense strength, much of which they might not have even realized yet. Your experiences, while challenging, have also equipped you with resilience and perseverance. Highlighting you inner strength can be a major reminder of what you’re capable of overcoming and achieving in your life.

13. “You have the right to set boundaries.”

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Many unloved daughters struggle with setting boundaries. However, setting boundaries is not only your right but also an essential aspect of self-respect and healthy relationships. Learning to set and enforce boundaries can help you feel more in control of your lives and relationships, ensuring that your needs and limits are respected.

Phoebe Mertens is a writer, speaker, and strategist who has helped dozens of female-founded and led companies reach success in areas such a finance, tech, science, and fashion. Her keen eye for detail and her innovative approach to modern womanhood makes her one of the most sought-out in her industry, and there's nothing she loves more than to see these companies shine.

With an MBA from NYU's Stern School of Business and features in Forbes and Fast Company she Phoebe has proven she knows her stuff. While she doesn't use social media, she does have a private Instagram just to look at pictures of cats.