Why Losing A Friend Is Worse Than Losing A Boyfriend

Why Losing A Friend Is Worse Than Losing A Boyfriend ©iStock/portishead1

We talk about our broken hearts 24/7 and know that while getting dumped or being the one doing the dumping is never easy, we can usually get through it with some ice cream, TV, and our BFFs. But what happens when those very people who were supposed to always be there to pick up the pieces are the ones that we’re getting rid of? Friendship breakups don’t get enough airtime,, and yet many of us have experienced one (or even more). Here are 10 reasons why losing a friend is definitely worse than losing a boyfriend:

  1. Friends can betray you in big and small ways. Maybe you’re no longer speaking to your friend because she spilled your secret to someone else, or she did something much worse (like stealing your boyfriend). Sure, the guy you’re with can be a bad boyfriend in a number of ways, but it hurts so much worse when it’s a good friend. After all, it would be super weird if your boyfriend said he was too busy to have dinner with you on Friday night… and yet how many times has a friend said the same thing to us?
  2. Jealousy often rears its ugly head. As we navigate the massive highs and super low lows of our 20s and 30s, we often deal with jealous friends. It’s inevitable since we’ll never be in the same career/relationship/life places as our best friends. You’ll meet an amazing new guy and your BFF will still be miserably single or vice versa. Or you’ll be stuck job-searching for what feels like forever and all your friends are happily employed.
  3. We expect guys to break our hearts. It’s unfortunate but true. The guy that sticks around is pretty rare which is why it’s so amazing when we finally fall in love. On the other hand, we definitely don’t expect our friends to break our hearts. There’s a reason the Friends theme song says “I’ll be there for you.” We want that, we need that, and it’s devastating when we learn a friend is acting like the total opposite of one.
  4. It’s hard to make new friends as we get older. Back in high school and even college, we made friends thanks to proximity. If we sat beside someone in English class or shared a dorm room with them, they were an instant friend. Now that we’re all super busy with our jobs and our lives, it can get pretty tricky to make new social connections. When you break up with your boyfriend, you know that at some point in the future you’ll be able to find another one.
  5. We get ghosted by our friends, too. And we also do the ghosting. It’s pretty easy in our busy modern culture to seem like we’ve forgotten about a friend – all we have to do is stop sending texts or Facebook messages, and boom, it’s like we were never even friends in the first place. When a friend suddenly starts ignoring us, it’s super painful. It’s much worse than getting ghosted by a guy – we can shake that off and keep our self-esteem. With a friend, we wonder why and immediately our self-esteem starts to drop. Not fun.
  6. There was a good reason we became friends. Of course there’s a reason you end up with a certain guy, but at the end of the day it’s all about physical attraction and chemistry. With a friend, you have a common interest (maybe yoga or TV or even just gossiping over glasses of wine) or met during a shared experience like a grad program or a writing workshop. When you lose a friend, you lose the chance to share what you love or reminiscence about that one crazy teacher or that classroom that never had any heat (true story).
  7. Other people don’t get your inside jokes or humor. Sometimes only you and a certain friend find something absolutely hilarious. When that friend is gone, it can feel like you lost your entire sense of humor because others just don’t get you in the same way. There goes your inside jokes. Sigh.
  8. Losing a friend is guaranteed. Sad but true: you’re going to lose at least one of your friends in the future. They’re going to move far away without getting in touch. They’re going to get engaged and forget how to be a human being (ugh). They’ll pick a weird fight with you and that’ll be it, or you’ll just grow apart. It’s a fact of life but that doesn’t make it any less painful.
  9. People change. When you break up with someone, you know the signs were there, whether you were in total denial or not. When you break up with a friend, it’s much harder to see any signs. It feels like being punched in the face, the stomach or the heart (or all three). You can’t understand why the friend that you essentially fell in love with is like a completely different person now. I thought someone was a good friend and now, after 7 years, it’s definitely time for us to go our separate ways because she’s changed and not in a good way. It’s hard not to feel like it’s a death.
  10. It’s too awkward to take them back. We’ve all wondered what it would be like to go back to an ex-boyfriend and try again. Would it better, or even worse? With a friend that you’ve lost, it usually cuts so deep that you know things would never be the same between you. Losing a friend definitely sucks, but just like the end of a bad romance, sometimes friendships run their course. Mourn the usual way (maybe with less ice cream this time) and you’ll be okay.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.