10 Signs You May Have “Grass Is Greener” Syndrome In Dating

“Grass is greener” syndrome is a feeling that there’s something better out there. It’s the thought that you’re somehow missing out even though you have a lovely relationship right in front of you. Or, maybe your relationship isn’t good but you feel stuck in it—the syndrome’s a longing for anything but what you have. Does this sound like you?

  1. You have a hard time finding gratitude. One of the best ways to make what we have enough is to practice gratitude. This is intentionally acknowledging that we’re grateful for something in our lives. If you’re having a hard time finding any appreciation, you may be experiencing this syndrome. You aren’t able to feel good about what you do have so you’re looking at everything you don’t.
  2. There’s a lot of uncertainty. When you think about your relationship, you feel incredibly unsure. You don’t know if this is the person you’re meant to be with because what if that someone is another person? You’re plagued by the “what ifs” and you just don’t feel settled. It’s causing stress for both you and your partner.
  3. You’re constantly complaining. Your friends have definitely heard enough of your complaining about your partner and the relationship. You’ve been droning on for months about how you’re not sure if it’s right or if you should end things. This is where gratitude would be a great practice, but you just can’t bring yourself to do anything but whine and moan, many times for no reason at all. This is not a good sign.
  4. You fantasize a lot. You’re constantly dreaming about what could be. You create fantasies about lives you could be living and ones that you hope you can live in the future. It’s hard to be grounded in reality when your head is always in the clouds. This is certainly a sign of “grass is greener” syndrome because you think that what you have isn’t enough and that something else out there will always be better.
  5. You mind-read and project onto others lives. When you see a seemingly happy couple, you assume that their lives are perfect. You don’t know what’s going on for them, but you create stories in your head about what their relationship is like. You forget that they’re also humans with their own flaws and that no relationship is perfect.
  6. You do a ton of comparing. Not only do you create stories about other people’s lives, but you also stack them up against your own. You compare your backstage to their highlight reel. You look at all the ways you think you aren’t good enough and the ways you think they’re better. This sort of comparison is totally draining and is getting in the way of a happy life.
  7. You have a great deal of self-doubt. You’re plagued by crippling negative thoughts about yourself. Self-doubt creeps in left and right telling you that not only is what you have not good enough but you’re also not good enough as a person. It’s totally exhausting and the talk makes it hard to enjoy what’s in front of you, including your life and your partner. Perhaps if you could just conquer most of the self-doubt, you could make better decisions about your situation.
  8. You can’t get a clear read on your intuition. Your best tool in a relationship is the meter inside your gut, also known as your intuition. It speaks to you and tells you what feels right and what feels wrong. Your meter seems to be broken at the moment, though. It’s not communicating clearly or at the very least, you aren’t listening to it.
  9. You’re almost impossible to satisfy. Since you have the mindset that there’s always going to be something better than what you have, it’s almost impossible to please you. Your partner does their absolute best but it’s never enough. Even you doing your absolute best doesn’t meet your expectations. You’ve set totally unreasonable expectations for your relationship and you’re paying the price.
  10. You’re neglecting your current relationship. Since your head is anywhere but in the present reality, you’re causing pain for both of you. You’re spending so much time wishing you were somewhere else that you’re neglecting what you have. It’s important to make a choice to either give yourself to the relationship or let it go, but you’re stuck in a sort of limbo.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.