17 Habits Emotionally Secure People Avoid At All Costs

17 Habits Emotionally Secure People Avoid At All Costs

Emotionally secure people didn’t get to that point out of magic — they’ve done the hard yards to develop self-awareness, the ability to confront their own shortcomings, and the desire to constantly expand their empathy and compassion skills both towards themselves and others. How do they do it? By avoiding these bad habits.

1. They Don’t Neglect Self-Care.

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Emotionally secure people understand the critical role self-care plays in maintaining mental and emotional well-being. They make it a priority to engage in activities that rejuvenate and fulfill them, whether that’s exercise, meditation, pursuing hobbies, or simply getting enough rest. By not neglecting their own needs, they ensure they have the energy and emotional resilience to face life’s challenges.

2. They Don’t Disregard Boundaries.

Respect for personal boundaries is a key aspect of emotional security. They’re careful not to overstep others’ limits and are clear and assertive about their own boundaries. This helps them maintain healthy relationships and avoid feelings of resentment or burnout, which often arise from boundary violations.

3. They Don’t Cling to Resentment.

shy girl introvert

Letting go of grudges and resentment is a hallmark of emotionally secure people. They recognize that holding onto anger and hurt is more damaging to themselves than to the offender. By practicing forgiveness, they free themselves from negative emotions and maintain their emotional equilibrium.

4. They Don’t Dodge Tough Conversations.

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Emotionally secure people don’t shy away from difficult discussions, be it in personal or professional settings. They approach these conversations with honesty and openness, understanding that addressing issues directly leads to healthier and more authentic relationships.

5. They Don’t Depend on Others for Their Own Happiness.

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While emotionally secure people value their relationships, they do not rely on them as their sole source of happiness. They find joy and satisfaction within themselves and through their own accomplishments and passions. This independence ensures they are emotionally stable, regardless of the status of their relationships.

6. They Don’t Ignore Their Feelings.

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Instead of suppressing or denying their emotions, emotionally secure people acknowledge and process their feelings. They understand that every emotion has value and provides information about their needs and desires. This emotional awareness allows them to address issues before they escalate.

7. They Don’t Seek Constant External Validation.

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Seeking constant approval from others is a behavior emotionally secure people avoid. They have a strong sense of self-worth and confidence that comes from within. This self-assurance allows them to make decisions and take actions that are in line with their values and beliefs, rather than trying to please others.

8. They Don’t Dwell on Their Failures.

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Emotionally secure people view failures as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than as a reflection of their worth. They understand that setbacks are a natural part of life and that resilience is built through overcoming challenges, not avoiding them.

9. They Don’t Engage in Unhealthy Comparisons.

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Comparing themselves to others is a trap that emotionally secure people avoid. They recognize that everyone’s journey is unique, and comparing can lead to unnecessary feelings of inadequacy or jealousy. They focus on their own growth and achievements, celebrating the successes of others without feeling diminished by them.

10. They Don’t Resist Necessary Change.

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Emotionally secure people understand that change is an inevitable part of life. They embrace it, adapting as needed, rather than clinging to the familiar. This adaptability allows them to grow and thrive in various circumstances, and view change as an opportunity for development, rather than a threat to their stability.

11. They Don’t Overcommit Themselves.

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They’re keenly aware of their limits and are careful not to overextend themselves. They understand that saying ‘yes’ to everything can lead to stress and burnout. By setting realistic expectations and commitments, they maintain a balance between their personal and professional lives, ensuring they’re not overwhelmed and can give their best to each aspect of their life.

12. They Don’t Neglect Their Relationships.

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While emotionally secure people are independent, they also recognize the value of strong, healthy relationships. They avoid the pitfall of taking important relationships for granted. Whether it’s family, friends, or romantic partners, they invest time and effort into nurturing these bonds, understanding that fulfilling relationships are key to emotional well-being.

13. They Don’t Let Fear Dictate Their Choices.

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Avoiding risk and staying in the comfort zone is not characteristic of emotionally secure people. They understand that fear is a natural emotion, but they don’t allow it to paralyze them or dictate their decisions. Instead, they assess risks thoughtfully and make decisions that align with their goals and values, even if it means stepping out of their comfort zone.

14. They Don’t Neglect Personal Growth.

A continuous pursuit of personal development is important for emotionally secure people. They avoid stagnation by constantly seeking opportunities for growth, whether through education, new experiences, or introspection. This commitment to self-improvement helps them adapt to changes and challenges in life.

15. They Don’t Engage in Negative Self-Talk.

Emotionally secure people are mindful of the way they talk to themselves. They avoid negative self-talk, understanding that harsh internal criticism is detrimental to their self-esteem and overall mental health. Instead, they practice self-compassion and positive affirmations, which reinforces their sense of self-worth and resilience.

16. They Don’t Ignore Their Physical Health.

Recognizing the strong connection between physical and emotional health, emotionally secure people avoid neglecting their physical well-being. They maintain a healthy lifestyle, including regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep, knowing that these practices are foundational to maintaining their emotional stability.

17. They Don’t Avoid Accountability.

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Taking responsibility for their actions and decisions is a key trait of emotionally secure people. They avoid shifting blame onto others and are willing to admit and learn from their mistakes. This accountability not only strengthens their character but also builds trust and respect in their relationships.

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Phoebe Mertens is a writer, speaker, and strategist who has helped dozens of female-founded and led companies reach success in areas such a finance, tech, science, and fashion. Her keen eye for detail and her innovative approach to modern womanhood makes her one of the most sought-out in her industry, and there's nothing she loves more than to see these companies shine.

With an MBA from NYU's Stern School of Business and features in Forbes and Fast Company she Phoebe has proven she knows her stuff. While she doesn't use social media, she does have a private Instagram just to look at pictures of cats.
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