Taking responsibility for your actions can be tough – it’s not easy to take one on the chin and admit that you were wrong. However, it’s the only way you can improve and grow, so it’s a skill you’ll need to master. Do you always brush off your mistakes or try to get other people to face the music on your behalf? If so, you’re dodging accountability and it’s holding you back in life.
1. You complain about your life… a lot.
You always find yourself venting to your friends about how your career, relationship, or family is making you angry. You always have something negative to say, but when last did you focus on what you could’ve done differently to get a more positive outcome? Everyone likes to complain sometimes, but if you never make moves to solve your problems or improve the state of affairs, you’re not taking responsibility for your life.
2. You feel out of control.
If you don’t take responsibility for your life, you’re going to feel out of control and hopeless. Your perception of life is that things happen to you, but that’s not true. You’re more powerful than you think! You have to be willing to become an active participant in your life — it’s all about taking ownership!
3. You always feel like the victim.
Linked to the previous point, if you dodge responsibility, you probably always feel like the victim. So, when your partner tells you you’re being unfair, you isolate yourself and lick your wounds, feeling like they’re attacking you. When your boss passes you over for a promotion because you’ve been slacking, it’s because they have it out for you. In this way, you never recognize your own part in things, which means you’ll never be able to improve on the things you’re doing wrong.
4. You focus on your feelings (and ignore others).
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You’re selfish in that you only focus on your feelings about things. You don’t stop and think about what the other person is thinking or feeling, or where they’re coming from. This is risky because it not only means you avoid being accountable but also that you’re not being empathetic towards other people. In the long run, this can be incredibly isolating.
5. You think people are out to get you.
You might always try to find a reason to assume the worst of other people. If your boss gives you a warning, you might think they’re targeting you unfairly. If your friend complains that you’ve been avoiding their calls, you assume they’re just being mean. It can be a convenient way to avoid looking at your own behavior. Not everything is a personal attack — in fact, most things aren’t.
6. You can find someone to blame for everything that happens.
You’re quick to point the finger when something goes wrong in your life. You didn’t crash into another driver; they were too slow. You didn’t fight with your partner; you drank too much so it’s the alcohol’s fault. Wow! Nobody’s perfect, and everyone knows that. So, why are you pretending that you never do anything wrong?
7. You bolster your confidence to feel better.
Instead of taking time to self-reflect, you try to quickly save face when problems arise. You’ll work on boosting your self-confidence and feeling worthy as a way to distract yourself from your real feelings or the reality of your situation. That’s not to say that you should tear yourself down over mistakes you make, but not acknowledging them at all means your self-esteem will be hollow and could crumble pretty easily.
8. You refuse to change.
You’re quite stubborn and refuse to change when your behavior is put under the spotlight. It’s so frustrating to those around you because you won’t acknowledge that you’ve done something wrong or put in the work to do things differently next time. If you’re not continually evolving, what’s the point?
9. You don’t recognize your part in things that happen in your life.
Sometimes, you speak of things that have happened as though they’re natural disasters that ripped through your life. You do this to feel helpless and be seen as the innocent one and act as if you had no say or part in how things panned out. You can’t be completely oblivious!
10. You don’t take stock of your situations.
You lack self-awareness and you don’t take time to think about the problematic situations in your life. So, when bad things happen, you focus on drama by venting about it to anyone who will listen. You become super negative instead of thinking about what the situation could be teaching you or what you might do to change it. A bit of introspection would come in handy here!
11. You let other people make your decisions.
If you avoid taking responsibility, you might be acting out of fear. You prefer to ask other people for their advice and let them make your decisions for you, so if things go wrong, you have someone to blame. How convenient! This is incredibly unfair both on the people in your life as well as on you — don’t you want to be proud of yourself for being proactive?
12. You push people away.
Not stepping up to the plate and taking responsibility for your life and relationships can cause you to alienate the people in your life or keep them at arm’s length. It’s difficult for people to interact with you when you’re being unreasonable and blaming them for bad things that happen to you (and which are entirely your own fault).
13. You don’t learn from your mistakes.
If you never take responsibility for messing things up or getting them wrong, you deny yourself the opportunity to learn from them. This means you’re likely to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. As a result, you get caught in the same toxic cycles that feel nearly impossible to get out of.
14. You miss out on opportunities to grow.
Linked to the previous point, you don’t take opportunities to grow in life because you don’t face your mistakes and failures. If you could stop launching into victim mode for a change, you’d be able to pluck out the lessons in what happened and become a better person.
15. You don’t express your real feelings.
You’re always biting your tongue because it’s easier to believe in your own delusions. So, if your partner wants to take a break because you’re toxic, you’d rather push aside your feelings of guilt for treating them badly in favor of blaming them or finding another excuse for why the relationship’s tanking.
16. You always want to be right.
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You refuse to accept responsibility for anything because you never want to be wrong, and it’s draining to try to deal with you when you’re like this. How can you always be right and everyone else be wrong? It’s unrealistic and keeps you stuck in a negative cycle.
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