There are many things in life that can be draining, and being a good person is among them. If you can’t figure out why you’re so exhausted, you might be giving too much of yourself to the people around you and neglecting your own needs. Here’s how that wonderful generosity of spirit you have can work against you.
1. The world passes you by.
As happens to generous people, some months you barely have time to eat and sleep in and around your responsibilities. However, hyper-generous people like you feel guilty when you take time off or stop to smell the roses. If you only view your time as being valuable when helping others, you will be a passerby in your own life.
2. You don’t embrace your hobbies like you used to.
You may come to view hobbies as things of the past, associated with childhood and having free time. When you spend all your financial resources, not to mention your time and effort, accommodating other people, you leave little time for yourself.
3. You’re emotionally drained.
It’s no wonder that maintaining a generous spirit is tough work. This is particularly true because, in order to embody the true spirit of generosity, you have to offer it to everyone, everywhere, all the time. That’s too much for a team of people to bear, let alone one person!
4. You’re lashing out in your other relationships.
By viewing your ability to support other people as important, you’re simultaneously de-prioritizing your own life and relationships. When you have exhausted yourself and you come home, tired, and ready for the void – you just want something quiet. However, your partner, roommates, or family needs more than that from you. You may risk losing them if you keep chasing the idea of generosity.
5. Your guilt stops you unwinding.
It’s impossible to please everyone, particularly when emotions are involved. Generosity is very subjective. You can’t unwind properly, either, because you’re on high alert to use any opportunity possible to practice helping others. In your mind, if you have a Saturday off, you’re wasting that opportunity. It will corrupt how you view yourself.
6. You stop practicing what you preach.
When you stop looking after yourself, you’re ignoring the one golden rule that you tell everyone else: put yourself first! First of all, you’re doing yourself an injustice, and second of all, people will see through you.
7. You don’t have any time to experiment.
When you’re feeling drained from giving too much of yourself out, you’re in survival mode. That means that to avoid burnout, you simplify everything in your life that isn’t helping others. For example, you cook the same easy meals, you stop exercising, you stop seeing your friends. You’re no longer equipped to deal with change, and it puts you in a vulnerable position.
8. You struggle to rein your generosity in.
It’s like a drug, the feeling some people get when they help people. Where most people would stop simply feeling satisfied that they’d made a difference in people’s lives, people who are over-generous can’t stop. They go to extremes and it will cause them to burn out.
9. Your friends routinely tell you to lay off.
You know your habits are bad when your friends are telling you to stop helping them. They can recognize what you can’t — that you need to prioritize yourself.
10. You’re always looking for people to help.
It’s in your nature. Maybe you didn’t get enough attention as a child and you always want to correct that in adulthood. Or, maybe this is your calling and you physically can’t stop yourself. Either way, make sure you aren’t too overbearing or condescending as you offer yourself out. Some people will be offended that you think they need ‘fixing’. Take a day off!
11. You don’t know how to ask for help.
It’s one of those inevitable ironies that the people who spend so much time helping others never know how to ask for help themselves. This is where generous people can start to lose themselves when they forget the golden rule: it’s never too late to ask for help!
12. You may burn out entirely.
When someone experiences generosity burnout, the impact can be huge. People go from one extreme to the other: from hyper-vigilance about other people’s emotions and support networks to a total indifference to their community. It’s a coping mechanism and highlights that even though people may seem fine, you should check on your most generous friends.
13. You have an all-or-nothing approach.
When people are obsessively generous it highlights that even though people may seem fine, you should check on them. You may be hiding behind the shield and need to help yourself.
14. You never have enough money or time yourself.
When you get so used to freely giving away all the resources you have access to, you will find that you run out eventually. When you leave yourself with no support network or safety net, you should reevaluate your approach to generosity. The first step is to show that you are worthy of prioritizing yourself. Be generous, absolutely, but not when you don’t have a lot left to give.
15. You can’t meet your own expectations.
When you define your identity through your ability to be generous, you hold yourself up to an impossible standard. It means you’re always chasing the idea of a “perfect person,” but that person doesn’t have a life.
16. You isolate yourself.
When you feel like you are giving a generous energy out into the world, you inadvertently isolate yourself. By encouraging other people to find communities or giving them a place to stay, you’re treating yourself like a public service. You are allowed privacy, you are allowed peace and quiet. Remember that, otherwise, you will burn out. What happens when you’re always there for everyone else — who will look after you?
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