18 Illogical Thoughts Every Woman Has Thanks To PMS

We’ve all been there. Your boobs start to hurt. You start feeling tiny little pangs of pain in your uterus. You want ice cream even though you just had half a cheesecake. Suddenly it hits you like a White Walker in Game of Thrones: “Your period is coming.” A flood of completely illogical and intrusive thoughts are about to enter your mind when you’re experiencing PMS.

  1. “I wonder if Domino’s Pizza delivers at 8:15 AM…?” The craving for greasy food has no regard for normal business hours.
  2. “Why am I sobbing over a Toyota commercial?” Your hormones make cheesy car commercials feel like Schindler’s List. You can’t even help yourself. As soon as the tinkly music starts playing or the adorable animal crosses the screen.
  3. “Why does everyone hate me?” Paranoia sets in and you start thinking you best friend, significant other, and mom are all mad at you simultaneously for seemingly no reason.
  4. “I’m going to die alone.” Then you start to feel sorry for yourself.
  5. “Why don’t men have to feel the pain of monthly cramps?” You ask yourself every time you’re curled up on a heating pad, scowling.
  6. “I want to rip off every customer’s face.” Everyone at work is about 99.8% more annoying when you’re experiencing PMS and this intrusive thought is one of the most common.
  7. “I think I’ll listen to Dashboard Confessional’s ‘Vindicated’ 43 times in a row.” Listening to sad music makes you feel bad and good at the same time.
  8. “There’s probably a huge blood stain on these pants.” Even if you’re wearing a super-size tampon combined with an overnight pad, you’re always paranoid that your underwear are going to look like the hallway next to the elevator in The Shining.
  9. “Why does this overnight pad feel like a diaper?” You’ll waddle around your house hoping no one asks you to anything that requires running.
  10. “Diapers… I think I should have a baby. Like now.” Even if you don’t want children, you’ll see a video online of a little kid being adorable and you’ll feel a twinge of motherhood hormones flare up and think, “Now what the hell was that?”
  11. “How many times can I watch Crazy, Stupid, Love?” Rom-coms suddenly make so much more sense to you.
  12. “I think I want an outdoor wedding. Like on a mountain top in early October.” You start planning a wedding, even if you’re not dating anyone.
  13. “I’m the fattest person to ever walk the planet.” You’re bloated and feel like you’re roughly 75% heavier than you were the day before.
  14. “I want a hug but I will also punch you in the face if you touch me.” You basically become a cat.
  15. “I want to sleep for 15 hours.” You’re exhausted from doing nothing and want to continue doing just that.
  16. “I’m really horny.” It’s the messiest time of the month to have sex, but the vagina wants what the vagina wants. This can be one of the toughest things to endure, especially if you’re not in a relationship and don’t have an easy way to get laid. This intrusive thought is killer during PMS for sure.
  17. “Is there a chocolate-covered burger sprinkled with sour candies I could procure from somewhere?” You want food that doesn’t even exist. In fact, you’re pretty sure you’re ready to kill for it.
  18. “WHEN WILL THIS EMOTIONAL HELL END?!” Seven days feels like an eternity. In fact, for many of us, it’s even worse because it lasts even longer. It feels like we get about a week of peace after our periods end before the whole intrusive thoughts PMS cycle starts again. Gotta love being a woman!
Tiffany is a New Orleans-based boudoir photographer (lushboudoirla.com) and freelance writer. Follow her on instagram: @onesmallflower or view her boudoir photographs: @lushboudoir