18 Subtle Signs He’s Not Going To Commit To You

You know the big commitment-phobe red flags, like when he tells you he doesn’t believe in marriage or really likes “just having fun” with you, but often there are much milder signs that he’s never going to want to lock things down. If your boyfriend’s showing any of these 18 behaviors, stop holding your breath — he’s never going to commit. You’re better off bailing now than wasting any more of your time.

1. He doesn’t say “we.”

Such a simple word but it means so much. If he’s always talking about himself — “I want to go to Germany,” “I want to take that job next year,” “I want to check out that party next weekend” — he’s not taking you into account. Sometimes you can’t help but feel like an afterthought.

2. He has excuses for not meeting your friends.

And they sound legit. He might say that work has sprung a nasty deadline on him or that he’s got to bail his friend out of a problem. Basically, there’s always a reason why he can’t make it to the restaurant to have dinner with people who mean the world to you. If he can’t be part of your life, then what’s he doing with you?

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4. He’s always up for his idea of fun.

He takes the lead when it comes to what you guys do during your spare time. If he’s into kayaking or camping, that’s what he’ll say he wants to do — but what about things you love? If he can’t make time for those, he’s not committed to the relationship.

5. He tells you he finds it hard to trust anyone.

Hey, loads of people have trust issues, but if he’s bringing them up a lot, he could be warning you that he’s not going to be able to commit because of them.

6. He love-bombs you.

It can feel great to be on the receiving end of all his love and attention, but it could also be overkill. Why is he trying so hard? Often, commitmentphobes will shower you with love when they’re really overcompensating for the fact that they’re afraid to commit.

7. He can’t commit in other areas of his life.

He hates anything that ties him down, whether it’s a full-time position at work or plans his mates make for a holiday in three months’ time. You should smell a rat if he can’t commit in other areas of his life because he’s likely to bring that lack of commitment to your relationship.

8. He keeps his phone face-down in your presence.

He either carries his phone with him like an extra limb or he keeps it face-down so that you can’t see who’s texting him. Shady AF. A guy who’s committed to you will be open around you.

9. He never meets for breakfast.

He’s always too busy to meet you for morning pancakes at your favorite restaurant but he’s eager to meet you for drinks or a bite to eat after work. Breakfast is the meal of the day that feels more relationship-like, so if he can’t enjoy it with you sometimes — especially after you’ve spent the night at his place — it’s sure to leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

10. You’re in a relationship lull.

Your relationship is in a good place but it’s stuck there and it doesn’t seem to be moving anytime soon. There’s no talk of the future or moving in together. Nada.

11. His closest friends are all single.

Birds of a feather flock together! If he’s really close to his mates and they have a lot in common, such as life/marriage views and love for the single life, then it could be a sign that he’s keen to remain single.

12. He stopped “chasing” you.

When he was courting you, he was always showing his attention and love, but now it’s like he’s taken you for granted. It’s almost as though he’s got no reason to make an effort anymore. It’s seriously messed up.

13. You feel weird bringing up anything serious.

When you want to ask him about his Christmas plans or where he sees your relationship in the future, you stop yourself. It’s almost like you know that he’ll either change the subject or not take it seriously.

14. He won’t do “boring” things with you.

A committed relationship has times when you do boring everyday things together, like grocery shopping or sorting out your cell phone contract. If it feels like you’re never there with him during these times, it’s like he’s not letting you into all areas of his life.

15. He doesn’t have his act together.

He’s an amazing guy but his life is a mess. If he can’t deal with his life and he has no big picture for his future, what hope is there of him being committed and taking your relationship to the next level?

16. Sundays are his and his alone.

He refuses to see you on a specific day of the week because that’s his time to do what he needs to. It’s good to have time apart to do your own things, but if it’s a rule that’s set in stone, it’s troubling. He’s stuck in his ways and has certain times when you’re not invited. Not cool!

17. He doesn’t do dates.

Although you spend a lot of time together, he never takes you out for a proper date. You’re always back at his place, and usually in the bedroom. He never plans anything that includes taking you out of the house.

18. It feels like you’re buddies.

On the other hand, maybe you spend a lot of time chatting and hanging out like friends. Perhaps a little too much — and not enough sexy time.

19. He doesn’t turn to you.

Partners who are committed to each other will support and confide in each other. If he never comes to you with a problem he’s facing or to share his private feelings, he’s not opening up to you. He’s holding back and this is sure to prevent commitment from taking place.

Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.