Whether it’s because of stress or messing up on taking the Pill (again), sometimes our periods just go missing. We rack our brains, try to remember the last time we had it, the possible irresponsible choices we made in the recent past, and hope for the best… all the while freaking the hell out. And some of those thoughts that can pop into our head when our period is late, when we’re that terrified, may not seem rational under other circumstances, but they actually make total sense when we’re waiting around for our period to make its grand entrance.
Because what else could it possibly be? So you weigh the pros and cons of pregnancy, trying to figure out how you’ll ever be mature enough to have a kid.
“Actually, no I’m not.”
How could you be? It’s not part of your plan!
“I forgot to take my Pill and my system is just messed up.”
It happens! You miss one day and your lady bits are all, “WTF is going on?”
“Maybe the Pill has decided to stop working.”
Fun fact: Women have gotten pregnant on the Pill. It’s rare and usually due to human error, but still a possibility.
“Did I use a condom the last time I had sex?”
If you were intoxicated, it can be a blur. Hopefully you did, because pregnancy is just the tip of the iceberg of concerns if you didn’t use a condom.
“OMG. The condom broke.”
Condoms break if they’re faulty or not used correctly. Never forget to pinch the tip! You want all that air out of there.
“I must be stressed.”
Stress is a big factor in making periods late; it’s also a big reason many women turn to when their period is MIA.
“Maybe it’s early menopause?”
Although only one in 1,000 women will go through early onset menopause before 30, it’s seems like a safe bet when your period is late.
“I ate something that didn’t agree with me.”
Because blaming the food truck you went to at lunch always makes you feel better.
“I have my period, but I’m just not bleeding.”
You know, because the blood is in there, but just doesn’t want to come out.”
“It just skipped a month. It will come back.”
Everything needs a vacation… even periods, right?
“I’m sick with something serious.”
As you’re clearly not pregnant, it’s probably something else and it’s something life-threatening, of course.
“I have an STI.”
It’s vagina related, so it makes sense to go there.
“I’m having the next Jewish messiah.”
Even if you’re not religious at all, sometimes it feels good to just blame stuff on God.
“I just had my period, but forgot.”
Because sometimes a woman just spaces out and totally forgets things – totally normal.
“There’s obviously a blockage of some sort.”
Like you left a tampon up there from last month or something.
“I counted wrong and it’s actually not late.”
So you go ahead and count those dates again.
“Do I want to waste money on a pregnancy test?”
They can be pricey and if you’re not preggers, you just spent what would have been a bottle of cheap wine.
“If my period comes, I will never have sex again. promise.”
Although you know you’ll never stick to this thought/half-ass prayer, it’s always smart to throw it out there just in case.
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