Okay, so you’re crushing on some guy but you haven’t heard from him in days. Whether he’s a guy you just met who said he would call, someone you hooked up with who you haven’t heard from since, or the guy you’ve been dating who just doesn’t seem all that into you anymore, you need to think before you take another step. There are some things you absolutely shouldn’t do when a guy is blowing you off — here are just a few of them.
- Give in to your crazy. It’s a law of the universe that the more we can’t have something, the more intensely we want it. So it’s not surprising that the second a guy blows us off, we start thinking about him constantly. We’ve all been there. But you have to snap yourself out of it. How? It’s not rocket science. You just have to dig deep down, get in touch with that strongest part of yourself — that little voice in the back of your head that watches out for you and doesn’t take any crap — and talk yourself back to sanity. Remember: you do not fall apart over a guy who isn’t treating you well.
- Pay him extra attention. You might feel like the guy is blowing you off because you haven’t been as attentive to him as you should be. It might seem like the only course of action is to lavish him with affection and attention so that he suddenly comes crawling back to you, but that’s the worst thing you can do. This never works and will only make you look pathetic and desperate, neither of which you are.
- Stalk him like an animal. Tracking him on Facebook like a grizzly bear in the woods might seem like a great use of your time when you’re obsessing but it’s not. Who cares what he’s doing and where he’s going? He’s not anyone. He’s just some guy who — don’t kill us for saying it — isn’t into you. And that means he’s not worth a second thought. Save your energy for a guy who deserves it.
- Show your hand. Texting a guy who’s blowing you off is the fastest way to send the message that you have no game. It’s not hot. And even worse — when he gets your text, he’ll know he has you and, if he’s a loser, he might just lead you on a bit and take advantage of you, wasting a colossal amount of your time and making it harder for you to trust. Bottom line: don’t text him. Go on with your life. You’ll soon meet a good guy who digs you. I promise this one won’t matter eventually.
- Corner him. So let’s say you manage not to text him but then bump into him at a party. No matter how much you might want to, don’t treat this as an opportunity to interrogate him or tell him what you think or feel. If anything, you should be using this as an opportunity to show him what little you care. No matter how cute or mellow you think you’re coming off, it’s awkward. So stick to the other side of the room and fake it ’til you make it: act like you’re not interested and you soon won’t be.
- Try to make him jealous. Yes, it’s annoying when a guy is blowing you off, but trying to make him jealous by flirting with other guys or even going out with one is guaranteed to have the opposite of your preferred result. It’s unlikely that the object of your affection is suddenly going to turn around and realize he’s head over heels for you and doesn’t want anyone else to have you. Instead, he’s likely to think you’re obviously not interested either and will just move on. That’s not what you want, right?
- Believe he’s suddenly going to change. If he thinks it’s appropriate behavior to totally ignore you for days or even weeks on end before coming back when he can be bothered to, this tells you a lot about his character. Don’t expect this to change in the future, especially not if you let it slide. Chances are, he’s not feeling commitment (or not feeling you) and will continue to pull that crap for the foreseeable if you stick around.
- Ignore his behavior. Say he eventually gets back to you and is suddenly interested again. It’s so tempting to just let bygones be bygones and think he was just in a weird phase and you need to get over the fact that he ignored you for ages and just move on. Wrong! If you are going to have any chance at building a real relationship, he needs to know that a guy blowing you off is not on your relationship wishlist and it’s not something you’ll put up with.
- Hold out hope that he’ll come to his senses. If you’re thinking that he’ll eventually decide to stop ignoring you and come back, you’re kidding yourself. A guy who’s blowing you off is basically sending you a message that you’re not a priority in his life and that he doesn’t care enough about you to treat you with a basic level of respect and consideration.
- Give him more power than he’s worth. Whenever you’re into someone and realize they’re not into you, it SUCKS. But that’s just how it goes when it comes to dating — you’re going to have a lot of misses before you meet the guy who changes your life. It’s really not a big deal. So don’t give the guys who don’t work too much thought. Save your focus and attention for the guys who treat you well, not badly.
How to react when a guy is blowing you off
You know the things that you shouldn’t do when he’s ignoring you, but what about the things you should do? This one is a little simpler because your steps are very straightforward here.
- Get busy. By this I mean, you need to distract yourself with other things in your life rather than obsessing over what’s taking him so long to get back to you or theorizing on what you could have done wrong to make him act like you don’t exist. You have tons of other things to focus your time and energy on, so now’s the perfect time to shift perspectives and get your mind off him and onto the things that will actually serve you.
- Let him know how you’re feeling. While you don’t want to triple-text him asking him if he’s mad at you or if you did something to upset him, you do want to make it clear that you don’t appreciate it. This is especially the case if the guy who’s blowing you off is one you’ve been dating on more than a casual basis for a while. As relationship therapist and author Irina Baechle explains: “If you don’t assertively communicate with your potential life partner from the very beginning, you might be setting yourself up for a failure. Do yourself a favor and learn how to respectfully and assertively express your concerns and desires.”
- Be okay with walking away. You have so many amazing things to offer the world. You really don’t need to cling to a guy who doesn’t care about you or who thinks blowing you off is an acceptable way to treat you. Unless he comes back with a pretty great excuse and is genuinely apologetic, chances are the best course of action here is to call things quits and be okay with walking away. This one didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean the next one won’t.