A guy going flaccid is one of the most awkward things that can happen mid-sex. The first few seconds after the impromptu penis nap are crucial — how you handle things in these first few moments will determine whether you inadvertently make the situation more awkward or get laid to completion. What follows below is a comprehensive guide to help you take control like the graceful hard-on swan you are.
Don’t give him crap about it.
You were sweating, moaning, rolling around, and having a good time, but he suddenly went limp. Don’t get mad or blame him for cutting your romp short. Being unable to hump to the finish can be a huge blow to his ego, so don’t make him feel worse about it. There are a lot of reasons a guy can go flaccid — maybe he was dehydrated, maybe he was stressed out, maybe he had too much to drink, maybe his mind wandered briefly and he lost penis focus because he thought about an old episode of ThunderCats, or maybe it was just one of those random, meaningless, unexplainable things that just happens sometimes. It’s not a big deal. So just let it go and try again later.
Perform penis resuscitation.
If Mr. Penis decides to check out early but you still want to have some fun, offer to perform penis resuscitation, more commonly known as a hand job or oral sex. Penis resuscitation can restore your guy’s erection and allow you to get back to the dirty business. Don’t get frustrated if it doesn’t work, though. Sometimes a strong erection just isn’t in the cards. Don’t force it.
Hard-on death is a definite mood killer. If your guy has a sense of humor, try to lessen his pain by attempting a naked gymnastics stunt, saying something weird, or recounting an embarrassing tale. You will absorb some of the awkwardness like the beautiful, sensual sponge that you are. After you yell “Fuchsteufelswild!” and do a naked cartwheel, he’ll forget all about his limp noodle and you can share some laughs.
Don’t blame yourself.
Unless you passed noxious gas and started singing the national anthem in a Bjork-like fashion during intercourse, he didn’t go soft because of you. It’s easy to feel unattractive or undesirable if your guy couldn’t stay hard, but it isn’t your fault. Sometimes there are factors beyond his control that have nothing to do with you. The last thing he wants is to make you feel like he doesn’t want you because he does. Flaccidity can be sneaky, and sometimes he doesn’t even see it coming, no pun intended.
Have you been negative, bossy, or judgmental towards him? Do you nag him constantly about every little thing? Reflect on your behavior when you’re interacting with your man. You can’t expect a guy to perform well in bed if you’re a negative, condescending, bitchy partner. Those traits are unsexy as hell and reach even greater hard-on slaying heights in the bedroom. You are equals, and when you treat him with respect, you will earn respect.
Try something different.
If his penis just doesn’t want to cooperate but you’re still both in the mood, one of the best ways to reassure him that it’s not a big deal and still enjoy the occasion is by pivoting to something else. Why not move to foreplay? Make out a bit, caress each other’s bodies, or let him go down on you. You’d be surprised how effective that can be for getting him back where he needs to be to perform.
Encourage him to see a doctor.
If you notice that your guy is going flaccid a lot more often than he used to and you’ve ruled out the usual factors, encourage him to make an appointment with his doctor. A thorough check-up will determine if there are any serious underlying health issues affecting his ability to harness an erection. It’s always best to catch that stuff early, especially when it can be remedied and he can get back to defeating horny vagina monsters. Don’t put excessive pressure on him to see a doctor, just make it clear that you care about his health and you value your sexual relationship and the intimacy that accompanies it.
Have an honest conversation.
At the end of the day, sometimes guys go flaccid. It happens. It doesn’t mean your sex life is on the rocks or that he’s not into you anymore. The best way to deal with this issue is by having a frank conversation and then turning up the heat to get things back on track.
Why a guy might go soft in the middle of sex
He’s nervous about his performance.
While many guys come off as overly confident and even cocky, when it comes to hopping into bed with a woman for the first time, he could get performance anxiety which leads to him going flaccid. He’ll be so in his head about pleasing you and making sure you’re impressed with the experience and want to do it again someday that he can’t enjoy the moment and stay in the mood. It’s actually pretty sad!
He’s been drinking too much.
You know the term “whiskey d**k” and it’s certainly applicable here. While a little bit of alcohol can take the edge off and relax both men and women before a sexual experience, too much can have a seriously negative effect. Because alcohol is a depressant, it slows your brain down as well as other bodily organs. This means for men, their inability to focus and lack of concentration when under the influence leads to a less than enjoyable sexual experience. The lack of blood flow to his organ and increase in angiotestin, a hormone that’s been linked to erectile dysfunction, make things even worse.
He’s been masturbating too much.
If he’s been on his own all day and feeling horny, chances are he’s been masturbating. While a bit of hand action isn’t the worst thing in the world, if he’s been going at it for hours, he may find that when it comes time to perform in bed with you, he has no juice left. Thankfully, this lack of ability is short-lived and not permanent, but it’s still kind of annoying in the moment.
He’s on medication that makes maintaining erections difficult at times.
Certain medications such as antidepressants can lead to the inability to maintain an erection. Antihistamines, high blood pressure medication, and pain medication can have a similar effect. Likewise, if he’s not on medication but suffers from conditions like heart disease and diabetes, he may go flaccid occasionally (or more than occasionally).
He’s dealing with mental health issues.
Stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues keep you from enjoying the things you normally love, including sex with your partner. If you find that he used to perform well but has started to struggle with ED, it’s possible that he’s dealing with one of the above issues and is unable to tap into the mindset needed to fully engage sexually with you.
Sex expert Shan Boodram has some pretty interesting insight into why erectile dysfunction happens and what you can do about it below. Check it out!
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