7 Things All Women Who Are Bad At Expressing Emotions Will Relate To

For a lot of people, it’s not easy to be open about how they’re feeling. While some can easily express their emotions and put it all out there on the table, others just can’t. Whether it’s because they don’t want to appear vulnerable, are too scared to be brutally honest, or just simply can’t find the words, it can be a torturous inner struggle.

As any psychologist will tell you, keeping your feelings to yourself isn’t healthy. Not only is it bad for the relationships you have with others, it also takes a toll on your brain and body, too. But the problem is that some people have no idea that they truly suck at expressing their thoughts and feelings. Maybe you think all is well and have zero clue that you bury every damn thing deep inside. Well, before you slip even further into denial, here are seven big signs that you’re bad at expressing your emotions.

  1. You answer, “I’m fine,” even when you’re not. Oh, you’re fine? Really? Despite all the sulking, moping, and teary eyes? Nothing says, “I can’t tell you how I’m really feeling” quite like, “I’m fine! Everything is fine!”
  2. You have frequent explosions. The problem with burying your emotions and pushing your feelings aside is that you can only go so long before you snap. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to snap in a postal sort of way, but it will lead to explosive rage in which you might say things to those you love most you’re likely to regret later.
  3. You’d rather take off than deal with conflict. When you’re at a loss for words and can’t express what you have swirling around in your brain, the whole fight or flight thing kicks in. At least with fighting, verbally of course, you’re making an effort to deal. Taking the flight route is just running away; furhter proving that expressing your emotions is not exactly your strong suit.
  4. You get frustrated easily. You know how babies get frustrated before they learn to talk because no one can understand what they’re trying to communicate? Well, the same can be said about adults who don’t know how to communicate their issues, too.
  5. You use sarcasm as crutch. First of all, I’m not knocking sarcasm. I think sarcasm is gorgeous and necessary. However, sarcasm can also be used to deflect from real problems. If you’re using sarcasm as a way to avoid conflict, draw attention away from the issues at hand, or to wiggle your way out of saying how you really feel then voila! You definitely need to work on expressing yourself better.
  6. You play the victim card. Sometimes, when people are overwhelmed with their own emotions but can’t face them, it’s easiest to play the victim card. If you claim that things happen to you instead of taking responsibility and owning up to problems, then you’re just doing a disservice to everyone by not coming clean about the reality of the situation.
  7. You expect people around you to just read your mind. People aren’t psychic. You can’t expect them to know what you’re thinking or deduce your exact mindset with a single look. But someone who can’t express their emotions just assumes that everyone around them knows their inner most thoughts, because it’s easier to believe that than say, “Now look here! This is how I feel! Listen up!”
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.