7 Ways To Practice Self-Love That Therapists Swear By

At this point, RuPaul’s “Drag Race” catchphrase about loving yourself before you can love anyone else feels a bit cliche, but that doesn’t make it any less true. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have, and you probably don’t spend nearly enough time nurturing it. It can be hard to know the best way to practice self-love that will have the most effect. That’s why we spoke to actual mental health professionals to find out which methods they swear by — here’s what they said.

1. Take time for yourself. We’re all busy pretty much 24/7, which means we don’t spend nearly enough quiet time enjoying our own company without distractions. As licensed psychotherapist Gary Tucker tells Bolde, doing so can make all the difference to your self-love practice. “Finding ways to relax and just solely focusing on yourself, whether it’s taking a leisurely stroll outdoors or indulging in activities you enjoy, or even doing the things you badly want to try, can be rewarding,” he explains. “The idea of giving yourself the things you want can provide a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes, we can become so busy with life and its expectations that it is easy to forget to take time for ourselves; that is why creating moments that are all about you can be really beneficial.”
2. Utilize positive affirmations to reinforce your self-worth. It may seem a bit hokey at first to repeat positive affirmations or mantras in the mirror (or even simply in your head), especially if you’re not used to speaking kindly to yourself. However, by finding affirmations that resonate with you and repeating them daily, you’ll slowly begin to internalize these uplifting and inspiring messages and they will start to reshape your view of yourself. You are conditioning yourself to love and cherish yourself, and while it takes time to work, it’s well worth putting in the effort.
3. Embrace mindful self-compassion (MSC). You offer your loved ones a lot of understanding and grace, but do you allow yourself the same leeway to make mistakes and learn from them? If not, mindful self-compassion is a great thing to incorporate into your self-love practice. MSC was created by Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Chris Germer and is “transformative,” according to Bonnie Deroo, LMFT, LPCC, Ph.D. “It is learning to treat ourselves as kindly as we would treat our loved ones and friends, rather than heaping on the harsh self-criticism we default to when things go wrong,” Deroo says. “MSC practice has three components: acknowledging your suffering, recognizing that everyone suffers, and offering yourself words of kindness. You can use MSC practice any time you find you’re beating yourself up — and it really helps quiet the inner critic and helps you extend self-love to yourself instead. And the more you practice, the more often you remember to be self-compassionate rather than self-critical. It really makes a difference.”
4. Develop a gratitude practice. Regardless of how many things feel like they’re going wrong in your life right now, it’s important to focus on and be thankful for all the things that are going right. This can be something as small as having a job to go to every day or living near a bus stop that makes your commute a bit smoother. Maybe you’re grateful for your dog or the fact that you have leftovers from the Chinese takeout you bought last night for lunch today. No matter how small, focusing on what you have to be thankful for is a great way to practice self-love. Just be sure not to veer into toxic positivity here — it’s still okay to admit that certain things suck, too.
5. Set and maintain healthy boundaries. It may seem odd to think about boundaries being part of a self-love practice, but it makes sense if you think about it. After all, you should hold yourself in high enough regard that you don’t allow people to disrespect you or treat you poorly because you know you deserve better. “Setting healthy boundaries is a crucial part of self-love,” licensed mental health counselor Ian Jackson, LPC-MHSP, LMHC, tells Bolde. “This practice involves communicating your needs in relationships and making sure they’re respected.”
6. Meditate. Our minds race at a million miles a minute. We’re constantly being bombarded with information and noise from every direction and it can become extremely overwhelming. This is where meditation comes into play. By taking time to focus on your breath and truly self-reflect, you can re-balance yourself and achieve a sense of inner balance and peace. This will lead to an overall better, calmer life — and we can all use a bit of that, don’t you think? “Practicing mindfulness meditation is a great technique to nurture a stronger sense of self-love. It involves paying attention to the present moment and being mindful of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations without any judgment or attachment,” suggests psychotherapist Dr. Nivedita Nayak. “This approach can assist you in becoming more conscious of your positive qualities and embracing your flaws.”
7. Incorporate self-care rituals into your daily routine. “Self-care” has become a bit of a buzzword, but what that looks like depends on the person. However, doing things that nurture your soul and make you feel calm and at peace is always good. “Guide your clients to establish regular self-care rituals that cater to their physical, emotional, and mental needs,” says Marissa Moore, LPC. “These rituals can include taking baths, practicing hobbies, exercising, or simply taking time to relax and unwind.”