Okay, Internet, we need to talk: some of y’all need to change your Instagram habits, please. And look, I’m no perfect Instagrammer myself — in fact, I’ll even point out the annoying crap I do on Instagram, in hopes you’ll know what to avoid. I’m just a girl with an iPhone who’s noticing some annoying trends that are better off gone. Of course, do whatever you want to do — just consider these pleas, please.
- You really don’t need to post every single you meal you eat on your new diet. I am #guilty of this (#whole30). I get it — when we make positive changes, it’s inspiring to us, and we’re compelled to share. It’s even more awesome when these are meals we’re cooking for ourselves. But, come on, what are we supposed to get out of seeing a mashed avocado over messily plated egg whites? Unless you’re a food blogger, post only the best looking photos, and post them sparingly.
- It’s great that you work out, but no one needs to see a daily gym selfie. I get that you’re super proud of your new workout routine (as well you should be!) but you might wanna think twice before posting a sweaty selfie of yourself in gym clothes, especially if you post this after every. Single. Workout. Girl, we get it. You’re fit.
- Why post pics of the mundane aspects of your life? Let me get real specific here: I’m baffled when I see a photo of someone standing in line at the DMV. We all stand in line at the DMV at some point or another, and the line is long and boring. We know. Why are you showing us this? There are some times when you should just put the phone down and do what you need to do.
- One blurry concert photo is enough, thanks. When you’re at an exciting concert, you may feel compelled to share, but please don’t do so by posting a constant stream of blurry pics of Katy Perry on a stage from so far away she looks like a doll. I don’t get the people who use Instagram like it’s their camera on their phone. You guys know we can see all of these, right? Also: JUST STOP AND ENJOY THE CONCERT YOU PROBABLY PAID A LOT OF MONEY FOR.
- Stop with the “Oops, Didn’t Mean to Post This LOL” photos. Kim Kardashian loves to do this. You know what I’m talking about: the photo (often a selfie) of someone who looks perfectly done-up and ready for their pic to be taken, except — like omg LOL it was an accident, you were holding your coffee with one hand and accidentally took, filtered, and posted a gorgeous photo of yourself with the other — that is just so mad!!! No. Just say, “I thought I looked hot here, woohoo” and own it.
- It’s your Instagram — not your boyfriend’s. I’m probably guilty of having done this when I first got together with my boyfriend, so I understand: When you have a new man (or woman) in your life, you feel the need to broadcast everything they do and say. But don’t be that girl. We’re following you on Instagram because we want to follow you, not to see pics of Chad brushing his teeth, ordering ramen, or wearing a new tie. I’m NOT saying you should pretend like he doesn’t exist. I’m saying, don’t go overboard. You have an identity that is separate from his. Use it.
- A misattributed quote that you ripped off from Pinterest does you no favors. Fun fact: Marilyn Monroe never said, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” Nor did she say, “It’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” (Seriously.) So who said those quotes often attributed to Miss Norma Jeane (yes, with an “e”)? We don’t know. Which is why you shouldn’t just rip off quotes from Pinterest that other graphic designers made and throw them on your Instagram account, for two reasons: 1. They’re probably incorrect, and 2. Someone else spent their time making them, so at least credit them if you’re gonna steal it. “It is foolhardy to trust the words of a wandering soul.” — Abraham Lincoln. Psych, I just made that up.
- We’d rather not see your bleeding head wound. I’ve seen selfies and photos of some pretty gnarly injuries that leave me thinking, “WHY ARE YOU NOT AT THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW? PUT DOWN THE PHONE AND GET TO THE HOSPITAL!” I have a fairly strong stomach for gore, but others wince at the sight of a paper cut, so scrolling through their feed and suddenly having a bloody gash staring them in the face is not pleasant. Just a thought.