Lately I’ve been hearing more and more about what makes a woman “wife material” but no one’s talking about the guy equivalent. What makes a guy husband material? Here are the qualities you should be looking for.
He can solve problems. Life is messy and really hard sometimes. I mean, just this week, my washer broke and my dog pooped on my new living room rug. What you need in your life is someone who knows how to problem solve with you. The last thing you want is for your husband to be a part of the problem instead of part of the solution. You need someone to help you through the tough times and assist in figuring things out.
You’re best friends. There seems to be a lot of different ideas about whether or not your spouse should be your best friend. I’m not suggesting that he should be the one you have wine nights with occasionally and go for mani-pedis, but for God’s sake, don’t pick someone you can’t be friends with at all. When you’ve got the stomach flu, he’s going to be the one to run into the bathroom to hand you the trash can so you can puke while you’re still sitting on the toilet. Not every moment is going to be romantic or sexy so make sure you can stand each other the you-know-what hits the fan.
He can make you laugh. Unless you want to take the entire rest of your life very seriously, I would suggest finding someone who can make you laugh. He doesn’t have to be the next big stand up comic but at least make sure you guys have the same sense of humor. In fact, make sure he has one at all.
He doesn’t do something you hate. I realize you’re probably thinking “duh,” but hear me out. So many women I know marry a guy that does a thing. The thing can be anything, really, but it’s something you don’t like. Picture staying out all night drinking, playing video games with his friends all weekend, or smoking. Whatever it is, you don’t like it but for some unknown reason, you expect that once you get married, he’s suddenly not going to do the thing anymore. Obviously, he keeps doing it because it’s what he likes to do. Find a guy that doesn’t have a thing that you expect him to eventually quit because it just never works like that.
He values what you value. If you want kids, make sure he’s on board. If you want to live in a tiny house in Montana with 36 dogs and a yard full of chickens, make sure he’s on board. Whatever it is that you want out of life, it’s better to have that conversation early and make sure that you both have a similar vision—or at least that your visions are compatible. If his dream is to live by the ocean and save sea turtles and yours is to live in NYC and you require SPF 100 before going outside, he probably isn’t the one for you.
You guys can talk. None of the other qualities matter at all if you can’t talk to each other. You have to find someone who’s willing to have difficult conversations with you because having those conversations is the only way you’re going to figure out if you’re compatible. It’s also the only way you’re going to be able to solve problems, resolve arguments, and move forward with your lives. No one wants to just be stuck, so make sure you find someone you can communicate with.
His definition of family is compatible with yours. I think this can be viewed in multiple ways, the first being the most obvious. If he wants seven kids and a white picket fence and your idea of family is your BFF and your cat Fluffy, you might have different ideas of family. The second is the difference between a nuclear family and extended family. Make sure he knows you have no plans to move his mother in with you or support his sister’s spending habit or vice versa. If you guys don’t see eye to eye on the level of involvement your family members will have in your lives, you might be headed for problems down the road.
He’s relationship-oriented. This doesn’t have to mean that you’re his only interest. It’s good for him to have his own career, hobbies, interests, and friends. But if you’re looking for a life partner, you should be looking for someone who wants the same thing. If all those other interests come before you, he may not be the best life partner out there for you.
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