Sometimes, you can be with the right person at the wrong time. Maturity happens at different paces, but by the time you’re out of your early 20s, you should expect your partners to mostly have it all together when it comes to living alone and paying bills on time. If they don’t, that’s just one sign that your relationship may be too immature to last. Here are a few other signs to be on the lookout for.
They don’t pick up after themselves. It’s one thing to not be a tidy person, but it’s another to be a complete slob. If your partner frequently expects you to put their dish in the sink or put their things away every day, you’re going to get exhausted. These tasks might not be front-of-mind for all. For example, if you suspect your partner may have ADHD, these patterns may be more likely. But if they refuse to acknowledge it’s an issue or try hard to fix it, simply put, you’re dating a child.
They use the silent treatment. Sometimes, talking about your problems can be tough. But it’s worse to have a partner who shuts you out and refuses to even explain how they feel. In a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t expect your partner to be a mind reader. You need to be with someone who offers solutions to the issue at hand, and not someone who’d waste time making you feel guilty.
You pay for everything. We all go through spans of time where we’re living paycheck-to-paycheck. It’s okay to be financially tight for a bit, but it’s ridiculous to expect your partner to pick up the bill every time. If you find yourself paying for your partner’s utility bills and internet every month while you’re still dating, you’re being taken advantage of. Helping is one thing, but fully supporting someone is another.
They keep comparing you to their ex. Trying to make you jealous is a weak move, and it’s very obvious this person is trying to make you feel hashtag blessed for being in a relationship with them. If you hear things like, “Well, Mike would have never done that!” they’re trying to up their value as a way of manipulation. Don’t fall for it. Let them be with Mike if it was such a perfect relationship in their eyes.
They always put their parents before you. Parents are great, and it’s wonderful to be in a relationship with someone who genuinely loves being around their family. That’s not the red flag here. The real issue is when they let their parents dictate their plans and decisions. If you’re trying to plan a vacation together and your partner stops you since their parents are nervous about them traveling, that can be a real issue. Or, if they still live with their parents with no motivation to ever move out. Not feeling the need to establish independence from mom and dad will ruin any potential future plans you may have with this person.
Their sense of humor relies on overused television quotes. Quoting TV is something that adults don’t do quite as much as teenagers do. Television shows can be a great communication starter, but if you feel like you’re going on a date with Peter Griffin and not your significant other, it’s a real problem. This person might not have a strong enough personality on their own, so they’re depending on fictional characters to get by. Bail while you still can.
You’ve been ditched for their friends before. It’s okay if it happens once — with good reason. But if you constantly get pushed to the back burner so that your partner can be with their friends, they don’t value you as a significant other. Dating someone shouldn’t be a chore. You should enjoy the time you spend together, and you shouldn’t constantly be put in second place.
The two of you are still fighting about how they never text you back. Without communication, a relationship is doomed to fail. Aside from the aforementioned silent treatment being a bad sign, you’ll also want to look out for communication issues that never really get fixed. If you ask them to text you when they reach a location and they never do — and then ghost you for hours — it shows they don’t understand the importance of communication. In that time, you might have been worried that something happened. In reality, they likely weren’t thinking about you at all. It’s okay if this happens early on in the relationship, but if it continues to happen, it’s reasonable to see this as a huge sign of disrespect.