Most of the time I fall asleep with my makeup still on, it’s because I’m lazy or have forgotten. On occasion, it’s because I’m with company and leave it on in the hope I’ll wake up bright-eyed and rosy-cheeked like Miranda Kerr (which never happens). If you regularly go to bed with a full face on, you’ll relate to these struggles.
Mascara on your pillow
It’s usually the first smear of shame you see upon waking, and this stuff can be a bitch to get out. It’s bad enough getting it on your own pillowcases, but there’s a certain shame leaving these black tarry smudges on that beautiful white hotel bedding. Likewise, when staying at someone else’s house, usually the old pillow flip is in order. They’ll never know… t least not until they do their laundry and you’re far away.
Crusty leftover foundation
Despite trialing for the good part of a decade, I still hold the naive hope that if I go to sleep in perfectly applied makeup, I’ll wake up even-toned and contoured. Oh, foolish child. The once impeccable coverage always seems to migrate to areas it’s not needed and abandons the stuff you wanted covered in the first place. The resulting patchy face plaster is not only ugly but impossible to freshen back up.
The classic morning after look—mascara and eyeliner vacating their rightful position on your lids to take up residence under your eyes. Panda eyes say “I spent all night dropping it like it’s hot on the d-floor.” I wish my panda eyes indicated such fun. Usually, mine just signal a night spent informing Netflix that yes, I’m still watching and please don’t ask me again. There’s a particular shame felt from the aftermath of once perfectly applied shading, now pooled on top of your cheeks.
Nothing dries out your skin faster than leaving on old crusty slap. If the moisture-sucking factor of leftover makeup wasn’t bad enough, your skin is extra dry from not following the additional moisturizing routine before bed. This double drying combo is your express ticket to a flaky forehead and a terrible base for your next fresh coat. Cue industrial strength facial exfoliator.
Black goop in your eyes
Ugh, who hasn’t had to scoop out this nastiness from the corners of their eyes at one time or another? For me, it’s every weekend. This is usually the result of my heavier on the prowl eye makeup, which is ironic because the next day my face looks closer to roadkill. Apparently aside from working into your eyeballs, leftover eye makeup can clog your eyelash follicles and cause styes. Um, why do I keep doing this?
There’s nothing quite as attractive as a fleshy brown smudge on a bed sheet. I’ve counteracted this shame with darker colored bedding (I know, genius) but whenever I’m at someone else’s house, I have to remember not to do my usual “snuggle the bedding up to my face” routine. As a general life rule, I try to avoid leaving stains on items that aren’t my own at all costs. It’s just not the best look (or souvenir to leave behind).
For someone who already has allergies, I’m really not doing myself any favors leaving chemical laden black sludge coating on my eyelashes to marinate overnight. But alas, fetching the remover wipes requires effort that I do not possess beyond episode one of a Netflix binge. However, waking up clawing at your eyes like an angry newborn is enough to make you reconsider your choices.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to deduce that slathering the cocktail of ingredients in foundation on your face and leaving it on until it’s well soaked in will have some pore-clogging consequences. It’s usually after a few days of getting gussied up that my skin starts to protest in the form of warning pimples—inspiring another layer of concealer. The vicious cycle continues.
There’s nothing so disheartening as seeing all your makeup has sunken into your forehead lines, aging you about 35 years. One minute my bronzer is giving me a healthy glow and the next morning it’s worked its way into every crease, rivaling the best Hollywood aging makeup techniques. And nothing amplifies crows feet more than a mixture of old concealer and dusty eyeshadow. Basically, next-day makeup is there to remind you of all the reasons you should avoid it at all costs.
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