9 Reasons It’s So Hard To Make Friends In Your 30s

As a kid, making friends came easy to many of us. It was as easy as sitting down next to someone in class and deciding to be BFF. However, by the time you hit your 30s, forming connections seems so much harder than ever before. Here’s why that’s the case.

  1. Vicinity plays a big role. When you’re all grown up, chances are there are fewer friendships blossoming with the people that live in your neighborhood. It’s not as if you don’t like the woman who lives upstairs or the quirky guy down the hall, but by the time you reach your 30s you know that you’re not going to be besties with someone just because you get your mail from the same community box. When you don’t meet new people often through the simple act of walking out your front door, friendships are harder to come by.
  2. Family ties eat up a lot of time. For many people, the 30s involve settling down, having kids (or a dog!), and just generally paying more attention to your home life. This drain on your time resources can make it that much more difficult to go out and meet people because instead of heading out for drinks and a random adventure on a Tuesday with the girls, you’re more likely falling asleep to your latest Netflix obsession.
  3. Your idea of quality friends changes. The days where you can meet a girl in the bar bathroom and continue that friendship are long gone by the time you reach your 30s. It’s not as if you like those beautiful women any less than you would in your 20s, it’s just that you prioritize your friendships a little differently. Unfortunately, those fleeting party friends don’t often make the cut.
  4. It’s easier to focus on yourself. It might not be a pretty truth, but it’s true nonetheless—as we age we become shamelessly more self-involved. We aren’t as concerned with being everyone’s shoulder to cry on because we know that we have to invest our time and energy into ourselves, our health, and our priorities.
  5. Lack of resources. There are so many dating apps around for when we just can’t seem to meet a great person to spend our lives with but there are very few that give way for making new friendships. Sure, you can meet someone on Tinder and like them as a friend, but it’s unlikely that friendship will stick. It just seems a little more awkward to scour for platonic relationships on an app.
  6. Common interests tend to take center stage. When you’re younger, it takes just one commonality to bring people together. People who enjoy sports hang out with others who can talk about the big game and music lovers tend to flock together. When you get older, though, it’s a lot harder to have just one thing in common and still maintain a friendship. Adults want to be able to feel as though they’ve found their tribe, and it’s not likely they’ll waste time on friendships that don’t fully fit.
  7. Straight up fear plays a role. There’s nothing quite like wanting to make a friend but not being able to initiate that first hangout. Whether it be a cool new coworker or someone you see every single time you walk your dog, the fear of rejection and anxiety that goes along with all that scaredy-cat business can sometimes be too much to handle. It can be downright exhausting and we’re already so tired a lot of the time!
  8. There just isn’t time. Between putting in crazy hours at your job or taking care of your home life priorities, there isn’t much time left for making new friends. You also have to take care of yourself and all these things take up a good chunk of your free time. At the end of it all, there’s just not enough hours in a day for blossoming friendship extracurriculars.
  9. You’re set in your ways. You have a solid routine. You like how you live your life and what you spend your time and money on and it’s not going to change any time soon. Fitting someone new in could be a disruption to that perfect level of comfort you’ve worked hard to achieve.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at AngelicaBottaro.ca. She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.