While there’s nothing wrong with getting a little help from your partner here and there, there’s a huge difference between being in a temporary rut and being financially dependent entirely on your partner. When it comes to the latter, you should do everything in your power to get back on your feet. Here are 9 reasons why you should never, ever depend on your partner for money.
There’s a loss of control. When your partner makes all the money, they make all the big financial decisions. That’s just the way it goes. If you want to go out and treat yourself to some expensive new shoes or a tattoo, you’ll feel as though you’re asking for an allowance from them. They could very well say no too. This loss of control over your own spending will start to feel as though you’ve lost control over your life.
There will be a problem with the power dynamic. I watched a movie once and the big quote was “whoever has the money has the power.” This holds true in both the robbery scene from the movie it came from and in relationships. When your partner has all the financial decision-making power, you won’t feel as though you have any say in the relationship.
You might always feel as though you owe them something. If they do something that hurts your feelings but they bought every single thing you’re wearing and the food you eat, you might start to feel as though you don’t hold a high enough power in the relationship to say anything. Also, you might start to think that because they pay for everything, you have to go the extra mile in the relationship all by yourself.
If something serious goes down, you’ll be out of luck. If for whatever reason the relationship goes south, or in a worst-case scenario becomes abusive, you’ll have limited options. Often times when people are financially dependent on their abusive partners, they stay in the relationship much longer than they want to for fear that they’ll wind up in a different albeit just as dangerous situation. You’ll feel as though you’re trapped and you can’t leave.
You’ll have no exit strategy. To build further on my last point, even if the relationship isn’t abusive or toxic, you might end up staying longer than you want to. Some people just fall out of love and if you happen to be in one of those relationships, staying with someone for financial security is unfair to both of you.
They could use it against you. Arguments in relationships happen. Maybe not often, but they’re inevitable. In the event that you and your partner get into a big disagreement or fight, they have the fact that they pay for everything in their back pocket. When they throw that card on the table, you might feel as though you’re forced to fold.
The entire relationship could end up revolving around money. Not bringing your own food to the table could end up causing a huge rift in your relationship. Your partner could end up resenting you for money issues and that resentment will eventually build towards the destruction of your union.
Your self-worth may suffer. Everyone likes to feel productive and needed. It’s in our DNA to want to contribute to things, whether at a societal or community level or in their relationship. If you don’t work at all and are completely dependent on your partner for every single cent you spend, you might start to feel as though you’re not good enough or doing enough in the world. Unless you’re unable to work for health or specific reasons, it’s best to get yourself a little income.
It will become difficult to feel like an equal. It’s not a beautiful truth, but not being able to contribute to your relationship financially will start to cause you to feel as though you’re ‘less than’. Good partnerships share the household duties, costs, and other chores that make up a life together as they would the fun stuff. If you and your partner aren’t on an even playing ground, you’ll feel it.