Having “The Talk” is a pretty serious step in any relationship. In fact, it may just be the end of the relationship if you’re not on the same page. So how do you know when it’s time to quit the casual and finally DTR?
You want something more. What’s the point in defining your relationship if you have no interest in something more serious? When you just want to keep things casual or have a steady hookup buddy, you avoid the talk at all costs. So the first sign is simple: you shouldn’t have “The Talk” until you actually want something more.
You’re already acting monogamous. You have no interest in dating other guys — he’s the only one you want to be with, and that’s why you want to make it official. You don’t want to date around anymore, or hook up with other people; you want him and only him, and you sincerely hope he feels the same.
You feel stable in the relationship. It might not officially be a relationship yet, but think about the reasons you want it to be. Is it because you truly care about him and want to be with him and only him? Or are you rushing things because you’re afraid another girl might swoop in and take him away? You have to make this choice out of confidence, not fear.
It’s way more than just sex. You might feel that way, but does he? It shouldn’t be hard to tell, and if it is, then this probably isn’t going to go the way you’d like it to. Do you go out on dates? Do you have actual conversations? Do you spend quality time together? If you think it’s time to define, then you’d better be doing more when you hang out than just having sex.
You both get jealous. It’s not irrational jealousy — you’re not psycho obsessed with each other, but if he went on a date with someone else, you’d be jealous, and vice versa. If you’re “just friends” or even just a hookup, you’re not going to get jealous at the thought of him with someone else.
He’s planned a date at least a month away. Whether he’s asked you to a concert or to be his plus-one at a wedding, he obviously doesn’t see your “relationship” ending any time soon. He’s not planning to disappear from your life, and he doesn’t want you to go anywhere either. It might not be that far down the road, but he sees a future, even if it’s short-term.
You can be yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable just being yourself with him, then it’s pretty damn obvious you shouldn’t take the next step. You either don’t know each other well enough or you’re not confident that he would like the real you. You need a guy who will love you for exactly the person you are, not the version you think he wants.
You’ve casually discussed a future. Nothing serious, but you randomly mentioned dreams or future plans that might involve each other. Don’t go crazy here — you don’t have to plan your wedding or pick out kids names. The idea here is that you don’t know what the future holds, but as of right now, it feels like it might at least hold each other.
He’s part of your regular routine. If he’s in your daily schedule, then the relationship is no longer just casual. He’s already apart of your everyday life, so why not give him a little more permanence? If you’re spending the majority of your free time together, then it’s pretty clear this relationship isn’t casual and it’s time to DTR.
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