9 Signs It’s Time To Define The Relationship

9 Signs It’s Time To Define The Relationship iStock

Knowing when you’ve been “getting to know each other” long enough to kick things up a few gears and have “The Talk” is tough. On the one hand, you don’t want to jump the gun and end up scaring him away. On the other hand, you don’t have time to waste and you want to maks sure you’re on the same page. If you’re not sure whether to broach the topic of where things are headed, if anywhere, here’s how you know when it’s time to define the relationship.

  1. You want something more. What’s the point in defining your relationship if you have no interest in something more serious? When you just want to keep things casual or have a steady hookup buddy, you never need to figure out when to define the relationship because there isn’t one. If you know, however, that you’re looking for a boyfriend or a future husband, you’ll need to speak up about it.
  2. You’re already acting monogamous. You have no interest in dating other guys — he’s the only one you want to be with, and that’s why you want to make it official. You don’t want to date around anymore,or hook up with other people. Instead, you want him and only him, and you sincerely hope he feels the same. Why not tell him that? Unless you’ve only been on a couple of dates, you should be honest.
  3. You feel stable in the relationship. It might not be an official relationship just yet, but think about the reasons you want it to be. Is it because you truly care about him and want to be with him and only him? Or, are you rushing things because you’re afraid another girl might swoop in and take him away? You have to make this choice out of confidence, not fear.
  4. It’s way more than just sex. You might feel that way, but does he? It shouldn’t be hard to tell, and if it is, then this probably isn’t going to go the way you’d like it to. Do you go out on dates? Do you have actual conversations? Do you spend quality time together? If you think it’s time to define, then you’d better be doing more when you hang out than just having sex.
  5. You both get jealous. It’s not irrational jealousy — you’re not obsessed with each other, but if he went on a date with someone else, you’d be jealous, and vice versa. If you’re “just friends” or even just a hookup, you’re not going to get jealous at the thought of him with someone else.
  6. He’s planned a date at least a month away. This is how you know when to define the relationship for sure. Whether he’s asked you to a concert or to be his plus-one at a wedding, he obviously doesn’t see your “relationship” ending any time soon. He’s not planning to disappear from your life, and he doesn’t want you to go anywhere either. It might not be that far down the road, but he sees a future, even if it’s short-term.
  7. You can be yourself with him. If you don’t feel comfortable just being yourself with him, then it’s pretty damn obvious you shouldn’t take the next step. You either don’t know each other well enough or you’re not confident that he would like the real you. You need a guy who will love you for exactly the person you are, not the version you think he wants.
  8. You’ve casually discussed a future. Nothing serious, but you randomly mentioned dreams or future plans that might involve each other. Don’t go mad here — you don’t have to plan your wedding or pick out kids’ names. The idea here is that you don’t know what the future holds, but as of right now, it feels like it might at least hold each other.
  9. He’s part of your regular routine. If he’s in your daily schedule, then the relationship is no longer just casual. He’s already a part of your everyday life, so why not give him a little more permanence? If you’re spending the majority of your free time together, then it’s pretty clear this relationship isn’t casual and it’s time to DTR.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.