9 Ways You’re Subconsciously Keeping Yourself Single

It’s one thing to revel in the single life if you’re truly content rolling solo, but if you want to find a partner but keep coming up short, you may be subconsciously keeping yourself single without even realizing it. Are you guilty of any of these behaviors?

  1. You doubt the existence of good men. You’ve dealt with a lot of toxic idiots in the past and it’s left you jaded and pretty certain that there are no good men left in the world. Is it any wonder you can’t find one with an attitude like that? There are plenty of thoughtful, kind, genuine guys out there, but you have to believe that in order to have a chance of having one in your life.
  2. You’re nostalgic about your past relationships. You logically know that your exes were total a-holes but that doesn’t keep you from waxing nostalgic about them regularly. It’s fine to remember the good times you had with someone, but romanticizing a relationship that’s over and obviously ended for a reason will only keep you from moving forward with someone who’s actually right for you.
  3. You love staying in a little too much. Who doesn’t love laying on the couch watching Netflix and eating pizza? Obviously everyone does, but if you want to meet someone, you’ll eventually have to get up, shower, and leave the house if you want to find a relationship. The right guy isn’t going to just knock on your door one day out of the blue (unless you end up dating your pizza delivery guy—a girl can dream).
  4. You insist on ending up with a guy who’s your “type.” It’s good to know what you like and what qualities you’re looking for in a guy but you also have to accept the fact that the right person for you might be someone who’s nothing like the dream partner you once imagined. Be open to all different types of people and you just might be pleasantly surprised.
  5. You’re rigid in your routines. Being single means being in control of your own time and schedule 24/7 and it feels great. However, if you’re ever going to be in a meaningful long-term relationship, you’ll have to be a bit more flexible with your routine to make room for someone else, otherwise, you’ll be alone forever.
  6. You value your friends’ opinions over everything. Your girls know you pretty well and they want what’s best for you, so obviously their opinion counts when it comes to the big decisions in your life. However, you’re the one living it, so don’t let their feelings about a particular guy override your own. If you like someone but they think he’s not hot enough or tells corny jokes, so what? Go with your gut—it’ll rarely steer you wrong.
  7. You believe “what’s meant to be will be.” You’re all about trusting the universe to lead your one true love your way. That might work in fairytales but in real life, you’ll need to put in a little effort. Sure, you don’t want to force connections that clearly aren’t right, but you’ll need to be an active participant in shaping your relationship destiny if you want to have one at all.
  8. Your list of deal breakers is longer than your arm. It’s important to have standards and boundaries to preserve your personal dignity, safety, and well-being, but there’s such a thing as having one too many deal breakers that are petty or inconsequential. If you’re known for ruling a guy out over something dumb like chewing too loud or having a beard, you’re in for one lonely life.
  9. You think you “don’t have time” for a relationship. We’re all busy! It’s awesome that you have lots of friends, several passions and hobbies, and are building a killer career, but that doesn’t mean a relationship can’t fit into all that. If you truly believe you “don’t have time” for a relationship, you’re probably not ready for one.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia