Every relationship has its share of issues, especially for couples who are together long-term. Some relationship problems need attention immediately while others can be let go for a time and then dealt with later. Then there are relationship problems that don’t need to be fixed at all. After all, the phrase “pick your battles” exists for a reason and it definitely applies here. Here’s why you should resist the urge to nitpick every little difficulty that pops up in your relationship.
- It makes your life easier. There are little things that don’t cause problems in your life that you can just let go of. Things like a partner daydreaming, forgetting things, or talking too much are just part of who they are and you’re not going to change them. You can beg them to change, give them solutions to try to fix the problem, and even bribe them, but they’re part of your partner’s personality and changing them isn’t something you demand. In this case, it’s easier to just let it go and accept that this is who they are. Remember that these little things aren’t about you or about their feelings for you. They’re simply part of their personality. If you stop thinking about these small personality traits and just accept them, your life and relationship will be much happier.
- It makes you love them more. Once you get used to the little things your partner does that drive you crazy at times, you may actually love them more for those traits. The fact that he daydreams as you ramble on about your workday is a reminder that he likely has things on his mind as well. Do you really need to tell her every little detail of your day or is her daydreaming maybe a hint that you should take a deep breath and let your day go? Start up a conversation with your partner and actually communicate.
- It’s not your problem. If your partner has a problem that you can’t help with, you need to be ready to let it go. His problem with his boss or colleague that he brings home almost daily is his problem. You can listen and you can hold his hand while he vents but you can’t fix it for him. You also can’t demand that he stop talking about the issue. It may get frustrating but this is one of those problems that you just have to give enough time to go away on its own.
- It is your problem. There are some problems in a relationship that are unique to the individual. For example, let’s say his mother wants to come over all the time. Your boyfriend and his mom have a close relationship. They talk every day and whenever she’s nearby, she pops over. This is how they’ve always managed their relationship. This might seem like a relationship problem but it’s not. It’s your problem. Are you really going to demand that your boyfriend not talk to his mother so much or ask her to stop popping by? If you do, there’s a good chance you’ll lose the relationship. Instead, you need to find a way to deal with the problem. Get to know his mom better. Let her get to know you. Be glad that he has a parental figure that he is close with and will always be in his life. Understand the difference between relationship problems and your problems and don’t make your issues into relationship issues.
- Learning to let go of problems is good preparation for the future. At times, there are going to be bigger problems that you can’t control. It’s difficult to let go. In our society, it is common to see people hanging on to the smallest problems because complaining has become almost a way to connect with people. Hanging on to problems just for the sake of having a problem is not healthy, though. Your life will be much less stressful and will have much more harmony when you learn to take a deep breath and let it go.
- It gives you more energy for any relationship problems that do need to be fixed. At some point in everyone’s life and in every relationship, there will be a problem that you simply have no control over. Sometimes you need to just give it time to work itself out. Other times, you have to accept that this is part of life. This means that when any issues that DO need dealing with arrive, you’re more emotionally and mentally capable of handling them and working through them. It’s a much better way to live.
- You should love your partner as they are, annoying quirks and all. While there’s no reason to accept bad behavior such as disrespect, abuse, belittlement, or anything of the sort, deciding to turn the other cheek over minor issues that are a reflection of your partner’s personality and are ultimately harmless will only make your bond stronger. After all, their quirks are what makes them who they are, and isn’t that who you fell for?
- Remember, there is a big picture and lots of little pictures. Some of those little pictures aren’t very attractive. We keep them anyway because they remind us of where we have been or because they belong to someone we love. The big picture is where your focus needs to be. What does your big picture look like?
