What You Need To Remember When You’re Feeling Single & Alone

When you’re on your own for a long time, it’s normal to feel down about being on your own. It’s hard to look at other couples and feel happy for them; hard to scroll through your social media feeds without amplifying the intensity of your loneliness. Sometimes, it’s even hard to admit that you’re feeling lonely at all. When life gets like that, here’s what you need to remember:

1. It’s only temporary. Is it agonizing? Yes, it can be, but it’s not going to be your permanent state of being, so don’t sweat it too much. Loneliness comes in waves and it’s a completely natural emotion, especially if you’re single AF. You can be the happiest, brightest face in the room and still feel a little empty inside from time to time. You’re not undeserving of love and you’re not a loner — you’re just going through some emotional stuff, and that’s OK.
2. People in relationships have tough times, too. I know the saying goes, “If you feel lonely in your relationship, you’re in the wrong relationship,” but that’s BS. People in relationships are still separate individuals and just like you, they each face their own internal struggles with their own emotions. Being in a relationship doesn’t always make personal issues any easier.
3. You’re not actually alone. When you truly think about it, you’re not truly all by yourself. You obviously have friends and a family who care about you, and maybe even a pet. It’s easy to get swept up in a current of loneliness, but eventually the big waves settle and things start to feel calm again. If it gets really bad, call a friend, your parents, or go out and take a drop-in fitness class. There are plenty of ways to silence the thoughts in your own head.
4. You’re allowed to have a bad day (or a few). A tough part about going through a lonely phase is that sometimes you’ll come right out and say it and suddenly there’s a giant dark cloud blanketing the room. Feeling lonely from time to time is nothing to be ashamed about. You’re fully entitled to have a day of wallowing from time to time; just don’t live there forever.
5. A lonely phase is the best time to get stuff done. If you’re really struggling to get out of your own head, take the time to get stuff done and keep yourself busy. Reorganize your closet, start a project, organize paperwork, whatever needs to be done. The thing about lonely periods is that they usually come on when we’ve got way too much time to think, so take the time away by engaging in other, more productive thoughts instead.
6. Going out will help, even if you don’t actually feel like it. I know sitting in PJs, watching hours and watching your favorite Netflix shows seems like the only thing you have energy for, but get up, put some pants on, dust a pretty color on your cheeks and leave your apartment. Go for a walk, go for a drink with your girlfriends, window shop at the mall — just do something.
7. No, you’re not pathetic. Being alone and feeling like crap about it doesn’t make you pathetic, despite what anyone else might think. It means you’re a completely normal human being who feels emotions like everyone else. Don’t torture yourself with an idea that you’re a loser, because you’re not.
8. It’s completely healthy to be down sometimes. Loneliness is actually healthy. It means you want more for yourself, and that’s a good thing. It means you have goals and are still working on enhancing your own happiness. You’ll go through pits of self doubt and crappy emotions here and there, but it’s not forever. The more you ride out your emotions, the better you become at handling them.