Relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding, and boundaries help maintain both of those things so that relationships can thrive long-term. While everyone has their own unique deal breakers in a partnership, certain lines should never be crossed by anyone under any circumstances. If they are, you need to get out ASAP.
1. Physical Intimidation
Whether it’s hitting, pushing, shoving, or any other form of aggression — it is a boundary that should never be crossed. Everyone has the right to feel safe and secure in their relationship, and any form of physical intimidation is unacceptable and a clear violation of this boundary. It doesn’t matter how heated a situation has become. There’s no excuse for anyone putting their hands on you (or vice versa).
2. Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse, including manipulation, gaslighting, or belittling, is not okay. Just because you can’t see bruises doesn’t mean this isn’t as serious – this form can be as damaging as physical abuse, and it is essential to recognize and address it. The physical scarring left behind by an emotionally abusive relationship can stay with you for years to come.
3. Extreme Jealousy
A lit of jealousy in a relationship is natural, but when taken to the extreme, it can be unhealthy and downright dangerous at worst. Trust and respect for each other’s individuality and independence are crucial in a relationship. You shouldn’t need to control or police each other’s actions because you’re insecure in your connection. That’s toxic, and it’s not okay.
4. Invasion of Privacy
Sure, you’re close, but your partner doesn’t have to tell you everything, nor do you need to share everything about yourself. Everyone has the right to theownnal space and privacy, even in a relationship. You don’t have the right to each other’s phone passwords, to read each other’s emails or texts, or to listen in on each other’s phone calls. It’s creepy, inappropriate, and a boundary that should never be crossed.
5. Isolation from Friends and Family
It should go without saying that if your partner is trying to put a wedge between you and the other people in your life that you care most about, there’s a serious problem. Maintaining your relationships and social life outside of your romantic relationships is important. This kind of isolation is a form of control and can leave you feeling disconnected and lonely if you allow it to happen, so don’t.
6. Disrespecting “No”
“No” is a complete sentence and should be respected. Your partner should respect your decisions and boundaries, whether it’s about physical intimacy or any other aspect of your life. Ignoring or dismissing your refusal is a sign of disrespect and a violation of your boundaries. If they expect you to accommodate their every whim, you must get out of the relationship.
7. Blaming Your Partner for Your Actions
A partner should never blame you for their actions or mistakes, nor should you point the finger at them for every issue in your relationship. Everyone is responsible for their actions, and blaming others violates personal boundaries. This kind of behavior can lead to a toxic cycle of blame and guilt. Who would want to be in a relationship like that?
8. Controlling Your Partner’s Life
A partner should never try to control your life, including your whereabouts or who you interact with. You should have the freedom to make your own decisions and live your life as you choose. Excessive control is disrespectful and can also lead to a loss of individuality and personal freedom. You managed your life just fine before you met them—that shouldn’t change now.
9. Ignoring Each Other’s Feelings
Your feelings are valid and should be respected. Your partner should never ignore, belittle, or brush off your emotions. Open and honest communication about what’s going on in your head and heart is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Ignoring your feelings can lead to emotional distance and resentment. It won’t be long before you’re headed for a breakup.
10. Making Unfair Comparisons
Comparing yourself to other people (their ex, a colleague they seem to be talking about a lot, a friend’s partner…) in a negative, derogatory way is a boundary that should never be crossed. Everyone is unique, and unfair comparisons can make you feel inadequate or resentful (or both). This behavior can damage your self-esteem, which isn’t conducive to a loving, respectful relationship.
11. Ignoring or Dismissing Each Other’s Interests
Your partner should value and respect your interests, even if they don’t share them. Dismissing or belittling what you enjoy is a violation of this boundary. Each person’s interests and hobbies contribute to their individuality, and respecting that in a relationship is an important ship. Your relationship would get pretty bad if you didn’t do your own thing sometimes.
12. Financial Control
Trying to control your money or how you spend it is a boundary that should never be crossed. Both partners should have an equal say in financial decisions and access to shared money if you are at that stage in your relationship. Financial control or manipulation can lead to feelings of dependency aly skew the power balance, which is n a ging.
13. Incessant Criticism
Constructive criticism is part of growth, but incessant, cruel, degrading criticism is a boundary that should never be crossed. It can be damaging to your self-esteem and mental health, to say the least—not to mention that it’s just rude and not at all something a loving partner would ever want to do. A relationship should be a place of mutual respect and encouragement. If they dislike so much about you, why are they with you?
14. Forcing Someone to Change
No one should ever force you to change who you are to be their idea of a perfect partner. Both people should feel accepted and loved for who they are in a relationship. You don’t need to lose your identity or concocole new one to make them happy. If they want a different partner, they should probably go find one.
15. Disrespecting Family and Friends
Your partner should respect your family and friends, even if they don’t always see eye to eye. Disrespecting or belittling those close to you is also a sign of disrespect towards you. This can strain not only your relationship with your partner but also your relationships with your family and friends.
16. Making Important Decisions Solo
In a partnership, important decisions should be made together. If your partner makes significant decisions without your input or consent, this is a boundary violation. It can make you feel excluded and undervalued in your relationship.
This content was created by a real person with the assistance of AI.
Originally from Australia, Emma Mills graduated from the University of Queensland with a dual degree in Philosophy and Applied Linguistics before moving to Los Angeles to become a professional matchmaker (a bit of a shift, obviously). Since 2015, she has helped more than 150 people find lasting love and remains passionate about bringing amazing singletons together.
Emma is also the author of the upcoming Hachette publication, "Off the Beaten Track: Finding Lasting Love in the Least Likely of Places," due out in January 2025.
