Whether it’s been with a partner, friend, family member, coworker, or acquaintance, everyone experiences conflict. It’s inevitable, and we all handle it differently. That said, emotionally intelligent people are typically better at handling conflict and will do these 15 subtle things to make everyone more comfortable.
1. They accept it.
People who are emotionally intelligent understand that conflict is a natural part of all relationships. They know that if you spend enough time with someone you will have a conflict (even if they love them). So, they accept the conflict as a sign of change in the relationship, not that it needs to end.
2. They help others stay calm.
Not only do emotionally intelligent people do a good job of staying calm in conflict themselves, but they help others stay calm, too. They understand that their response to some statements can escalate the conflict. To keep everyone calm, they are objective about the situation and take in the information from both points of view.
3. They actively listen.
One of the most important things emotionally intelligent people do to handle conflict is actively listen. They listen to what the other person has to say, and most importantly, take that information to understand how they feel. Also, when explaining how they themselves feel about the situation, they use I-statements. Being direct is better when handling conflict than beating around the bush.
4. They analyze the conflict.
When approaching a conflict emotionally intelligent people are good at quickly analyzing to help reach a solution. They ask themselves, what triggered the conflict? Why is my partner upset? What am I not getting that I want? Is this accurate or over-exaggerated? Quickly understanding the answers to these questions makes it easier for them to resolve conflicts.
5. They use neutral language.
Often, when there’s a conflict people use inflammatory language like profanity and name-calling. When they get frustrated, they’ll try to insult the other person rather than resolve the conflict. Emotionally intelligent people never do this because they know all it does is make people more upset and drive them further from a resolution. They use neutral language and resist the urge to become emotional during the conflict.
6. They separate the problem from the person.
Part of the reason some people break up after conflicts is because they struggle to separate the problem from the person. An emotionally intelligent person understands a disagreement does not mean you need to hate the person you’re arguing with. They view the problem as a set of circumstances rather than attributing negative feelings to the person. This helps them avoid the feeling that they “can’t stand” a person anymore.
7. They work together with the person they’re fighting with.
One of the smartest things emotionally intelligent people do is change the mindset of the argument. Rather than viewing a conflict as two people vs each other, they view it as the two people against the problem. They view the conflict as a collaborative effort in order to quickly find a resolution.
8. They agree to disagree.
Sometimes being emotionally intelligent is understanding that two people won’t agree on everything. Not every conflict is so important that you need to ruin a relationship over it! People without emotional intelligence are stubborn and let arguments drag on for weeks. Emotionally intelligent people know how to compromise and will call the argument before it’s too late.
9. They focus on the future.
When we get into arguments with people, it’s easy to start thinking about everything that annoys us about a person. While some people may feel the need to vent about the past, emotionally intelligent people understand that it’s more productive to look at the future.
10. They don’t gossip about their fights with others.
One thing people without much emotional intelligence do is gossip about a fight after it happens. They feel the need to vent about the situation or talk poorly about the person they argued with. This can lead to an argument reopening when it otherwise could’ve been squashed. Emotionally intelligent people know it’s important to keep arguments between the people it involves—if they don’t, it can lead to more conflict and ruin relationships.
11. They’re specific about the problems they have.
One of the biggest problems people have in arguments is they aren’t specific enough about what’s ailing them. Emotionally intelligent people aren’t vague about what’s bothering them. They don’t leave anything up for interpretation, ensuring that a resolution can be found as quickly as possible.
12. They find creative resolutions.
There isn’t just one way for conflicts to be resolved. Sometimes you need to be more creative than just having one person concede to the other. Emotionally intelligent people are good at communicating and finding a middle ground so that both sides are happy.
13. They look for a deeper meaning.
Part of resolving conflict is understanding why the other person is upset, not just what the issue is on a surface level. Sometimes the issue isn’t just that you did something to upset your partner like going out to the bar too much. A deeper reason could be that your partner is nervous about you being out with other women, or they wanted you to spend some time with them at home. Emotionally intelligent people can tell when there’s a deeper meaning behind a conflict and they make sure to address it.
14. They’re willing to adjust their stance.
Sometimes when a conflict goes on for long enough, it stops being about sharing your perspective and more about winning. Some people will realize they’re wrong in the argument after a while, but they won’t concede because they don’t want to lose the fight. Emotionally intelligent people are willing to change their stance and they don’t care about winning. They just want a solution.
15. They don’t make things personal.
Lastly, emotionally intelligent people never make things personal in a fight. They never resort to name-calling or bringing up things irrelevant to the conflict. They focus entirely on what the problem is and why the other person is upset. They don’t try to put the other person down or make them feel guilty about random things. They’re focused on finding a solution while ensuring the relationship is maintained.
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