I Always End Up Wearing The Pants In Relationships And I’m Kind Of Tired Of It

For some reason, I always seem to end up with guys who can’t make a decision to save their lives. They end up depending on me to call all the shots, which is why I end up wearing the pants. I don’t want things to be this way, it’s just what ends up happening in the majority of my relationships and I’m honestly starting to get sick of it.

  1. All I want is a guy who can make a decision. For some reason, when a guy can’t make a decision, it’s just so unattractive to me. I know that they’re only human, but if guys can place all of these crazy ideals on women then I think I should be allowed to place some on men. The most important one for me is that he can make a decision with confidence, but all the guys I end up with seem to have trouble with that, which means I need to step in and figure things out for us. I just wish that he would contribute as a leader more often.
  2. I want someone to take care of ME for once. Why is it that in all of my relationships, I’M the one running around making sure my partner is happy and then end up feeling like he doesn’t do the same for me? It always feels off balance and maybe it’s because I feel the need to take charge and solve problems. I mean, he’s definitely not going to step up, so I have to do what I have to do to make sure we’re both okay.
  3. I always end up guys who are unsure of things. I don’t know why, but I tend to attract guys who don’t really know what they want or pretend to know what they want in the beginning and then just give up on the relationship. I’m already a pretty indecisive person, so to always end up with guys who don’t have a backbone isn’t exactly good for me. I’d rather sit back and let him take the lead, but it never seems to happen that way.
  4. It shouldn’t be the woman who leads. I already have a hard enough life—I don’t need to be supporting the guy too. I feel like it’s always me who’s making him feel better and it’s me who’s making ALL of the decisions. It should at least be 50/50, if not entirely the responsibility of the dude. I know it’s old-fashioned to think that way, but I also feel that it’s only fair.
  5. Maybe it’s just part of my personality. I’ve been starting to realize that maybe my forward-moving energy is just a part of my genetic make-up and maybe the guys who don’t have the ability to be certain and to make decisions are attracted to that? It’s like I have what they don’t, like opposites attract and all that. Maybe if I consciously toned it down a bit, I’d be able to attract a guy who will take the reigns. Hmm…
  6. I’m a goal-oriented person, which could be seen as masculine. I’ve always been obsessed with accomplishing things. It’s probably due to living with parents who put constant pressure on me to be “the best”, but I’ve managed to cultivate this type-A personality that’s reached into and affected all of my relationships. I can’t just chill, especially when my partner is complacent. It’s not really my fault, but it IS my responsibility to change it.
  7. It gets exhausting after awhile. As you can probably guess, wearing the pants in the relationship can be A LOT to handle. I don’t like being responsible for us. It shouldn’t be that way. It makes me feel like if I make a mistake or a wrong decision, he could blame me for it. It’s a lot of pressure! It can take a toll on my stress levels and mental health, so I’d rather him just do it.
  8. I honestly feel like the guy in the relationship. I often feel like the boyfriend and it’s honestly weird! Like when we’re looking for an address, I’m always the one to pull it up on my phone and find it or when we need to make a reservation or book something, I always do it! I mean, I’m okay taking the lead sometimes, but not every time.
  9. It makes for an unhealthy relationship. Any partnership where the woman takes the lead and the man stays complacent is a recipe for disaster. The whole idea behind female and male energy is that male energy is forward and goal-oriented and female energy is present and receiving. When either partners aren’t able to express their natural energy, it’s not going to work out.
  10. I’m the dominant one, but I’d rather be equals. As I mentioned earlier, I don’t have a problem with making a decision or figuring something out for us, but I don’t like how I have to do it all the time. If we could split the responsibility of leadership, that would be more than enough to appease me.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.