I Always Rush Into My Relationships & I Think That’s A Good Thing

For most of my dating years, I’ve lived by the rule “take things slow.” It makes sense, logically speaking—why rush into things and get hurt? However, after one too many bad dating experiences, I stopped following that advice a few years ago and started diving in head-first—and honestly, my dating life has never been better.

1. I like to go with the flow. If I like someone and they like me, things naturally tend to move pretty quickly. I’d rather be true to what I’m feeling rather than try to hold back for fear of coming on too strong. Can we all agree that the three-day rule is stupid and outdated?
2. I want to make sure we’re compatible. Spending a lot of time together in the early phases of dating is a great way to learn how much we can stand each other. After all, if we’re getting annoyed with each other now, it’s going to be way worse after the honeymoon phase is over.
3. I want to get over the superficiality of the first few dates. Let’s be real—it’s hard to be yourself around someone you just started dating. We both want so badly for the other person to like us, so we stick to the standard dating “script” and try to hide our “crazy.” The sooner we can be ourselves, though, the sooner we can determine if we actually like each other or just the idea of each other.
4. Distance makes the heart grow fonder… and I don’t want that. Taking things slow means there’s an awful lot of time for my brain to start running through the possibilities when I may not really know the guy at all. If we’re seeing each other more often, there’s more time to actually get to know each other and less time for my mind to run wild.
5. I want to learn what his intentions are. Sure, some women like to bring this up on the first few dates but I prefer to let it come naturally—and it may not happen naturally for a very long time if I’m just taking things slow. If we want different things out of dating, we both deserve to know that right away.
6. I want to learn his flaws. Major flaws take a long time to come out when you’re taking things slow. However, if you jump right in, any huge red flags are bound to come out. I’d rather find out about any potential dealbreakers now, rather than once I’m already head over heels.
7. I want to have the serious conversations. From discussing our baggage to our crazy families and past relationships, I want to know it all. I think that the way a guy speaks about these issues says so much about his character. Plus, I want to make sure he’s okay with my issues and vice versa.
8. I want to see how we work together in the real world. The first stages of dating involve spending a lot of time alone together, but a relationship isn’t just about the romantic moments. I want to see how we mesh when out with our friends or doing mundane tasks. If he turns into a different person in front of his friends or can’t fit me into his daily routine, I’d like to know as soon as possible.
9. I want to get the first fight over with. For me, fighting style is one of the biggest indicators of whether I can date someone long-term. I’m an emotional person and I need someone who’s going to be sensitive to that even in difficult times. Passive-aggressiveness is a huge deal-breaker.
10. I want to make sure our friends are compatible. Unfortunately, friends can make or break a new relationship. If I don’t like his friends or they don’t respect me, then that’s going to be a huge issue. This goes both ways, of course. I also value my friends’ opinions. If they don’t think a guy is right for me, there’s usually a good reason.
11. I don’t want to get hurt. It might seem counterintuitive, but I feel that I’m more likely to get hurt if I’m taking things slow, waiting around, and falling for the guy before we have any idea whether this relationship stands a chance. If we rush in, I might still get hurt, but the pain will be much less. It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid versus a slow burn.
12. I want to make sure we have physical chemistry. Things could be going perfectly, but what if we just aren’t sexually compatible? Of course, this can be worked on, but there are limits to how much can be changed.
13. Rushing isn’t the problem. Insecurity is. Those who say not to rush into things may think the only reasons to do so are to cover up pain, rebound or because you hate being alone. But at this point in my life, I know myself pretty well. I’m self-assured, confident, and I know (for the most part) what I want. If you’re secure with yourself, I don’t think rushing into dating should be a problem.