Are You Subconsciously Using Him? 9 Signs Your Intentions Are Shady

Prepare to possibly be triggered by some truth, but let’s get real for a minute. We’re all keenly aware of when a guy is bad news, but what about when our intentions aren’t so innocent? It’s time to admit we’re not always perfect when it comes to love either, especially if we catch ourselves guilty of these following scenarios.

  1. He’s not the initial person you reach out to with news. The first person on your mind is the guy you want. This is the one you hope will send the “good morning/night” text. The one you long for a romantic night out with. When your affection isn’t returned from your first choice or your experience with your actual crush is a disappointment, your backup is simply that—a rebound or option. Just because Ol’ Faithful shows you a good time and follows through does not mean he is the actual “One.”
  2. There’s no passion, good or bad. You probably like this guy and have some sort of connection. He may even feel comfortable and safe. Still, you’re not strongly attracted to and drawn to him. He doesn’t even make you mad because ultimately you don’t care enough to be affected in that way. It’s more about how appreciated he makes you feel, the attention you’re guaranteed, and knowing he’s not a threat to your emotions than your mutual romantic capacity together.
  3. You want more from him than you’re giving. We ladies aren’t typically lazy when we are crushing hard. We will meticulously fuss over our hair, makeup, and outfit to impress a guy we want. We’ll pull in assistance from our best detective girlfriends to get the full scoop on our crush and have our homework done on his likes and routine. We’ll take painful measures to force “accidental run-ins” with this guy. If you happen to be heavily on the more receiving end when it comes to reaching out and making romantic gestures, it may be because you’re simply not in the relationship for the right reasons. You’ll be going all out for the guy otherwise.
  4. You have expectations. Love can make us blind and hopeless. Sure, we all have standards, but when you’re falling fast for someone, boundaries may go right out the window. You may be prone to being overly forgiving or understanding of a guy you really want to be with. You go out of your way to communicate and accommodate him. For the guy you’re using, you have no hesitation to enforce your limits. If he isn’t providing what you want from him, you will be vocal or end things quickly. That’s really all he was good for to you if we’re being honest.
  5. You aren’t consistent about how to talk about him. Your girlfriends know who you like. They might even know before you’re willing to admit it out loud! When you’re not really feeling someone, what you say about him and how you act may not match up. You might tell your friends he’s annoying or it’s not that serious, yet you continue to spend time with him. You don’t like him enough to sing praises about his name, but you’re not willing to let go of what he’s doing for you so he’s not fully out of the picture. This could lead to confusing behavior like complaining about him or downplaying the relationship but still keeping it going.
  6. You’re not certain about how you feel about him. OK ladies, we definitely know our feelings when it comes to attraction and love, so if you don’t, it’s more than likely you just don’t want to admit what they really are—or in this case aren’t. If someone has your attention, you won’t be able to get them out of your head. There won’t be any confusion.
  7. You’re more attached to what you get from him than him. I saw a meme the other day that said losing his Netflix password after the breakup was worse than the actual breakup. If what you like about a guy is more about the benefits of being with him, he’s not the guy for you. Real love is a soul connection, not a material or physical one.
  8. You don’t have pics with him. We’re all a little selfie obsessed these days. We have to document and show off our best moments and what is important to us. The only thing better than a solo or group pic selfie is one with our guy. If it hasn’t crossed your mind to memorialize your union in digital form, he may not mean as much to you as you’d like to admit.
  9. You talk to him about another guy. He can’t be your guy and your go-to for advice on other guys. When you are set on someone, your little black book gets tossed. You won’t entertain other dudes or even want your interest to think he has competition. If you feel comfortable discussing another man with the guy you’re with, you’ve straight up friend-zoned him.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer